Fallen for you (taejin bts fanfic)

28

tw//

THIRD POV

His head hurts as if someone took a hammer and banged it hard right inside his skull. Everything hurts.

It feels like his brain is overheating. His thoughts are racing at an inexplicable speed, so fast that they're all jumbled up and he can't focus on any one, disappearing as soon as they form. And he feels everything.

All the emotions that can be felt by a human seem to be assaulting him right now, only fueling the engine of his mind with their toxicity and poison. His feelings are only fueling the worsening scorching in his mind. What's worse is that his poison escaped has his mind and it's polluted his loved ones too now.

The gears are twisting and turning so furiously that he's sure that the edges are pressing hard enough into the flesh of his brain to cause internal bleeding.

Can thoughts cause internal bleeding?

And yet his heart is so empty.

It's like there's a gaping hole in his chest and it's spreading. It's spreading and the emptiness, hollowness and dullness of it is also spreading with it and it's slowly crawling up his throat.

And no matter how many deep breaths he takes, it's not enough to fill the emptiness.

There's a twinge of pain at the junction between the shoulder and neck from the constricting fullness of how significant the emptiness feels.

His heart is trembling. And it's as if veins are just a medium for those tremulous tremors to reach his hands and make them start shaking.

The emptiness is so so heavy.

Taehyung leans against his bedroom door, his hands fumbling behind him to lock it.

He's pretty sure his roommate isn't going to bother coming back to their room today. Actually he's pretty sure his roommate isn't ever going to bother coming back.

Who would, anyways? Who would to a pathetic excuse of a human?

He just broke his hyung's heart. He's sure of it. The look on the older's face was evident enough to say so. That smile on seokjin's lips was so.. defeated. As if this is what he had been waiting for. As if this was meant to happen.

The younger singer's heart painfully constricts at that.

We were all just waiting for me to fall apart. Even Hyung.

He doesn't want to think like that. He doesn't want to think that Seokjin had been expecting this from him. Because what does that say about him, taehyung, as a person? Nothing good.

But the look in his hyung's eyes was too telling to mean anything else. The smile on his lips, a mere acceptance of his defeat in this mess of what they've been trying to call 'love'.

Taehyung, subconsciously, has known for a while that he hasn't exactly been 'loving' Seokjin or been a proper partner to summarise it. He's aware of his lackings. He always has been. Perhaps too aware for his own good but he's never, ironically, had self-awareness to admit that.

And it's so so so selfish of him to still have continued things the way they were going. He thinks that he shouldn't be thinking about the fact that he should've ended things with Seokjin earlier but rather that he shouldn't have began anything in the first place.

Because look where he is now. Look at how Seokjin is now.

But he couldn't have ended things earlier. Seokjin had been his lifeline, is his lifeline. Taehyung would've lost his sanity long ago if it hadn't been for the older.