Can't Tell The Difference

Author's note

I can't believe we've finally reached to an end for this first book.

It never came to my mind that I'd one day start writing a book and actually finish it till the very end. I've never thought I'd be this keen on wanting to achieve something and actually be able to succeed in it.

I've never thought I'd have this talent of putting emotions into words, emotions that were trapped inside of me for so long that I've decided it was time to set them free.

I could have screamed, wept and exploded, or just kept those feelings stuck between my already drained lungs, but instead I chose to sit and write them down, every detail of it, the creepiest of it, the strangest of it and the most embarrassing ones.

I was for sure terrified, maybe till this day I am. I was scared of expressing my emotions because somehow I felt that the only thing I'd get from it was my weakest vulnerabilities that could lead to an unlimited heart break.

Not to mention the fact that I've never wanted to let anyone realize what I truly feel from the deepest part of my soul, questioning wether I'd get judged and side eyed by everyone who surrounded me or not. It made me overwhelm with aching nerves, it made me hide the truest traits of my personality, my normal nature that not all people are still aware of.

Until I decided it was over, slowly I have decided to let go of my fear, my silence that had done nothing but consume the worst in me, it did nothing but force me to dive and sink into the darkness.

There have been many of ups and downs through my journey.

At first, I was really struggling with being committed to writing my book. I had my thoughts questioning the point of what I was doing, as though I was just wasting my time with a worthless draining for words.

I started not to believe in what I was capable of. I didn't have faith in my powers, the powers of persistence that was buried beneath me, only to be let out by one thing, one person.

This book is originally dedicated to someone who's helped me smoothly survive through every miserable fate of my life, a fictional character actually.

Must be ridiculous and absurd to say such nonsense, unbelievable as well, I know. But don't we all have that one person we escape reality to, fictional or not? And I've always been escaping my reality, not the unhealthy escape of losing control or responsibility of your surroundings but the imaginary escape where you just wish reality could pause for a moment to sink deeper into your much delighting fantasies. This fantasy can be through someone, through a place, through a timeline, or through a vasting dream.

And for me, it has always been through Mikhail.

And I portrayed my love for him through my character, Evelyn, who also share some similar struggling with me and is the closest character to me than any other female character I could ever read about.

Evelyn is someone who has high expectations to the world she wants to live in, but she ends up disappointed with her reality, everytime. And she avoids it by creating her own imaginative universe and falls in love with the guy of her dreams.

I needed to share an experience of a feeling that I'm sure there's a lot of young adults out there who have a much relatable story, else they wouldn't have escaped here to read my book.

That's why I needed to write this, about Evelyn and Mikhail. And I know that many of you are frustrated that they didn't end up together.

But have your hopes up, this is just the beginning of their love story that's also going to be narrated by Mikhail in the second book. Stay reassured!

Lastly, I'd like to thank every single person who's actually supported me from day one to the day I'm here now, writing the note that I've been yearning to express for a very long time ago.

I'd like to thank my friends who were the first ones to ever read most of the chapters, encouraged me and told me I was capable of becoming a successful author one day.

I'd also like to thank my parents for believing I could freely do something out of the box, to freely escape my comfort zone and supported me till the journey has finally ended.

Thanks to every reader who gave Can't Tell The Difference a chance, you are all forever special to my heart.

Let's all patiently wait for the second book 'The Only Difference Is You'.

Till we meet again. <33