Boundless Love

Conflicting Reality

Levi's POV...

Why am I doing this to myself? Why am I even attempting to tackle love again, especially as a newly disabled man. This is uncharted territory for Charlotte and for me. My gut is telling me that I'm a fool for trying to pursue this, but my heart is telling me otherwise, and I'm scared to death of my heart. It's deceived me before and will probably again. I don't think I can survive another rejection. 

"Hey man, it's already been two days, are you going to continue to be an ass until she gets back tomorrow?" Jake jokes with me while we're working out in the gym together.

"Just focus on your own workout and I'll focus on mine," I smirk back at him.

"I don't know what you're sour about? She's called you like four times a day since she left, she's obviously thinking about you...a lot!" Jake reminds me.

"She's only calling that many times to make sure I'm not doing anything stupid. She's probably over there contemplating if kissing me was a good idea or not. I mean, there's probably some rule about getting too close to your patient and when she comes back, she'll probably put a squash to this whole idea."

"Do you honestly think that, Levi?" He asks me in a more serious tone.

"I don't know what to think! I kissed her then she pulled away and said she was confused. Then she told me she was leaving for a few days and when she saw how that upset me, she decided to kiss me. Maybe I've ruined everything?" It's her job to care about me, but nothing more, I'm being unrealistic." I confess to him.

Why am I so stupid to think that she would feel the same way I do? How could we even have a relationship? What if I can never walk again or go back to acting again... what then? She pushes me around in a wheelchair spending all her time trying to fix me? I can't even take one step without her supporting me...

"Fuck!" I accidentally blurt out and throw my crutch to the floor.

"Calm down man! You're thinking about this all wrong," Jake points out.

"Enlighten me please," I sarcastically plead.

Jake shakes his head at me then explains with complete confidence in his voice, " I've known Charlie a bit longer than you, I notice the way she's with you is different than how she is with me or anyone else. She's definitely the most kindhearted person I know, and she never gives up on any of us, she wants all of us to succeed. And there probably is some sort of moral code among therapists for being intimate with a patient, but there's no law against it. It does happen. When it comes to you though, it's more than just her job. You make her go crazy with worry, you make her laugh and cry, she smiles every time she's with you.... she brings out the best in you when no one else can and you show her that there's more to life than being addicted to her job."

"She feels something for you... and it's not pity, I know that's what you're thinking," Jake tries to convince me one last time.

"I can't handle getting my hopes up only for them to be crushed again. I'm not enough for her, she deserves someone whole, not ...Me," I look down at my useless legs.

"How do you know that Levi? Did she tell you that?"

"No, it's reality. Emma left me because I can't walk. You're one of the fortunate ones who's love conquers all and I'm happy for you. I'm not as lucky."

"I get you, I do. I also think that Charlotte is a special exception, and you'll be lucky to have her by your side for no matter how long. You'll see."

"Maybe. Do I want to find out though, only for her to realize down the road that I'm more of a burden than a boyfriend?"

"Have you always been this pessimistic about everything?" He smirks.

My gaze drops to the floor, "No...I guess I never had a reason to be before my accident. I thought I had someone who loved me. Turns out, loving an injured man isn't very desirable for some."

"Well, Emma's a bitch, and one day karma will come around and bite her in the ass." Jake makes me smile at that. "Yeah, I hope you're right jake, I hope you're right."

The rest of my day was really a blur and I found myself in bed early for the night. I didn't get much sleep though. My mind racing with worry most of the night trying to rationalize everything Jake said to me today. Maybe it won't hurt so much to try making a go at it. There's no one else I'd rather be with than Charlotte, and she is my chance at happiness again. She could also be my doom and that's what I'm afraid of the most.