Boundless Love

Emma

Emma's POV...

This has been the worst week of my life. I never imagined something like this could happen to me, to us. We're supposed to move in together, get married. How's that even possible, he's a quadriplegic or paraplegic, I don't know, they're both the same to me. I've been browsing the internet looking for answers about spinal cord injuries and none of what I read looks promising.

Charlotte says his injury is incomplete, what does that even mean? Will he or will he not have the use of his arms? And his legs, is it even possible for him to walk again? Charlotte seems to think she can perform miracles. Maybe she can. For Levi's sake and for mine, her rehab program better work wonders.

Sleep has become non-existent for me because my mind can't fathom what's happened the last few days. My fiancé is paralyzed. Ugh! I hate that word already. The thought of him not being able to use his arms and legs is heartbreaking. The sexy talented man I love will never be the same again. This all feels like one big nightmare that I'm afraid wont ever end. Sure he could get better, to what extent, no one knows, all I know is he'll be different.

I'm afraid to be alone in the room with Levi, and I know I shouldn't be feeling this way, but I don't know what to do or how to act around him. I'm upset, like a mixture of anger and sadness in one. I'm sure Levi feels the same, even worse since this is him this has happened to. But this has also happened to me, not the physical part, but every way else. We were supposed to finish up our movie and start planning our life together. None of this is part of the plan.

How are we supposed to do any of that now? He has to stay here for 18 months! What am I going to do, stay here, go home and come back every few weeks to visit? I have to go back to finish the movie, I know that. I'll feel awful leaving him here while I'm gone, but what choice do I have.

I can't be selfish today or this week, I need to be here for him. I want to help him, I'm just unsure how. I've never had to take care of anyone before, especially to this extent. I'm not any good at it, what if I fail him?

I walk across the hall to Levi's parents room and tell them I'll go see Levi early and have breakfast with him, so they can take their time getting ready.

The 5 minute walk to the rehab center is just what I need to settle my nerves. I'm wearing a hat and sunglasses so no one notices me, nor does anyone expect me to be in Boston. The weather is beautiful, spring time here in Boston seems nice. The sidewalks are filled with people walking in both directions and the street is busy with traffic, and I don't notice the noise around me as I'm lost in my own head anticipating what this day will be like.

I'm greeted at the door by a young red-headed girl behind the front desk. She's smiling at me and informs me that Levi is waiting for me. Why is everyone smiling around here? This doesn't seem like the appropriate place to be smiling, all I want to do is cry or hit something, but for some reason I hold it together while that girl continues to torment me with her cheery disposition. My mood continues fluctuating when Nate, I think his name is, passes me in the hall and also greets me while smiling. This is definitely a nightmare, and I'm ready to wake up from it anytime now.

I find myself pausing right outside Levi's door. I'm so nervous, I know I have to go in there but I can't get myself to move any further. What if he still can't move or anything? Do I hug him? How will he hug me back? It will be awkward if I'm doing all the touching and hugging while he lies there motionless.

I'm startled, which causes me to jump back as Charlotte walks out of his room and catches me standing there. I expect her to give me some kind of condescending look as I hide like a scared child outside his door, but instead she just looks at me plainly, like she knows what I'm feeling at this moment. And, for the first time since I've met this girl, I can appreciate her.

"Good morning Emma," she kindly says. "Levi is just about to have breakfast, I'm sure he would love to have your company," Charlotte encourages me, then gently places her hand on the back of my shoulder and guides me into his room. Normally, I'd reject her help, but I'm scared out of my mind and if she wasn't coaxing me through this door, I probably would've turned around and left.

I notice Levi's bed is upright so that he's sitting up to eat. He's dressed in a black t-shirt and grey sweatpants which look comfortable, but I'm used to him dressed in jeans and out of bed, ready for work. I'm used to him sitting at a table for breakfast too, not in bed with a tray in front of him. His face looks pale and I can't tell if he's in pain or he's just tired. Probably pain, after all he did break his back.

"Hey baby, I'm glad you're here, did you sleep well?" He asks me. I instantly start smiling back at him when I notice him trying to reach his right hand up towards me. He can move his arms now, oh thank god! I think to myself, maybe this won't be so bad and he will be up and moving in no time. "Come sit here next to me," he pats towards the chair by his bed.

I can't help noticing what's on his tray. The utensils are bent and have extra thick handles, and the large plastic mug has a large space between the cup part and the handle. "These are very odd dishes they've given you," I say to Levi. He gives me a half smile and responds, "I can't grab a normal fork, and this mug is made so I can put my hand between the handle and you can help me bring the drink up to my mouth without me spilling it everywhere."

"What!" The sound of shock slips out of my mouth. My reaction must have scared him because he looks down and barely whispers, "Well that's only if you want to help me eat." You can do this Emma, pretend if you need to.

"Um, yes, of course," I say. Thankfully Charlotte saves us from the awkwardness and walks over to show me how to feed Levi. "Just put your hand over his and help him grasp the fork, and use your other hand to help guide his movement towards his mouth, like this," Charlotte instructs. "Isn't it easier if I just feed him myself?" I question her.  This looks complicated and unnecessary.

Charlotte smiles while acknowledging my question, "Yes it is easier, but we want Levi to learn how to do this on his own. It will get easier for him as he gains more strength and movement, plus this gives him a little more independence. I'll leave you two alone for a bit, let me know if you need anything," she says and then leaves the room.

The next 30 minutes I spend trying to help Levi eat. I try to help him one way while he tries to instruct me another. It's all too surreal. Neither of us know what to say or how to act , so I decide to ask about his night and how he likes the place so far.

Nate comes in the room just as we finish breakfast. "We are going to start morning therapy now," he tells us. "You can stay and watch or you can help with the therapy if you'd like Emma," Nate says to me. I agree to stay and try to help.