Boundless Love

More than Myself

Charlotte's POV...

I've never been one to willingly accept help from others, which is ironic in a way because I always tell my patients that is exactly what they need to do to make them better.

Ten years ago my life and my family dynamic changed forever. I have relentless guilt for what my family has gone through, and because of that, I threw myself into school and studying. I double majored and received my Physical therapy degree early so that I could focus all my energy into helping people and fixing my past mistakes.

To this day, I still want to be the one to take care of others, taking care of everyone else is all I know, now it may end up being the other way around. I'll do whatever it takes though to avoid that situation. There isn't enough time in the day for me to be sick and run two different facilities, plus spend time with Levi. These places are important to me, Levi is important to me and I can't fail any of them.

"Hold still Miss Thomas, you must not move at all until we're finished here," The nurse instructs me.

I let my eye lids close and my mind drift to the part of my thoughts that are consumed with Levi.

"We are ready to begin Miss Thomas," the nurse's voice sounds like a soft whisper as my head floats high into the clouds where I can dream.

As I lay here I can picture the way Levi's dreamy eyes make my heart flutter just by looking at them. I think about the amusing ways he makes me laugh, the way his lips caress mine and how his fingers know exactly where to touch me. I've never felt this kind of love and acceptance, he makes me feel free to be me.

The instant I feel my body getting restless on the exam table, I start to visualize the moments when Levi can stand on his own a little longer, or walk a little farther, and it's so gratifying that I forget about everything else around me.

Three mornings a week I sneak out of my rehab building and make the agonizing trek to the hospital for external-beam radiation therapy. Usually I inform Levi that I have meetings at the hospital, and so far he's believed me. I feel so guilty not telling him the real reason, but then remind myself I'm doing it for him. Am I really though? I don't know and I'm not ready to admit I could be making a big mistake.

I'm going to need to tell Nate soon. He's already questioning my more frequent absences, and he's my second hand when I'm gone for long periods at a time. Side effects of the radiation treatments will be difficult to hide from him too. Plus, lately I've been having Nate pick us up on his way into work so I don't have to drive. Driving with my condition is the last thing I ever want to do again. Levi finds it odd that I suddenly have someone driving us around. There are only so many excuses I can make before he begins digging into the real reason.

My first week of treatments were easy. Lay still on the table for 15 minutes while the beam of radiation does it's work. The second week was when the nausea and vomiting kicked in. I told everyone it was the flu, which they didn't question seeing as though I looked like and felt like I had the flu. It was hard to keep with the facade the third week when I continued to rush to the bathroom to vomit at random times during the day, so I blamed it on food poisoning. I know Nate no longer believes my stories at this point, it's only fair that I tell him today. He knows my real history.

Luckily for me I haven't had any other side effects such as loosing my hair and the nausea and vomiting have now ceased.

I realize how unfair it is to keep this from Levi, the one person I truly love. It's because I love him so much that I must hold myself together with gracefulness, long enough for him to walk again on his own, so I can let him go back to England. I'm not going to be the one to hold him back. After all he's been through and overcome, he deserves every opportunity to return to his home, his friends, and his acting career. That was his goal before he fell in love with me and I'm not going to take that away from him. As much as it will hurt me when he's gone, I must be strong for him. I'm not going to screw anything up, his success is important to me.

If Levi knows that I'm sick, he will drop everything for me. He'll push his goals aside and focus on me instead of himself. He's been quickly progressing and is so close to the end of his program, I just can't tell him about me yet.

He'll probably be disappointed and angry with me when he finally does find out, but with any luck, he'll find himself content at home when the news hits him.

****************************************

Again, thank you so much for reading!
Sorry this chapter is so short, but I believe it is an important filler and insight into Charlotte's character !

More exciting chapters coming soon 😊