Boundless Love

Nate Hanson

Nate's POV...

The first few days after a new patient arrives are always the hardest. They are nervous, angry, withdrawn, there is no way around it. I can only stay calm and let them vent in whatever way they need to and be here for them.

Levi is a little more challenging, for multiple reasons. First, he's famous so anyone that's ever heard of him is going to be curious as to what's happened to him and where he is. Sooner or later, people will figure it out and there will be cameras and strangers trying to invade his privacy. Second, he has a manager that dictates his life but he won't be able to dictate what goes on here, Charlotte won't have it. And third, Levi only wrote four names on his call and visitor list... his parents, his manager and his girlfriend. He must know more people, he must have friends, but he refuses to allow them to call him or visit him. Levi reminds me of my friend Jasper and that always worries me.

"Sorry man," I tell Levi after our first uncomfortable therapy treatment.  His fiancé just figured out that Levi has minimal control over his bladder and bowls. I thought she knew already, but apparently no one's had an honest conversation with her about all the complications of his injury. I feel bad that it's partly my fault she had to figure it out this way. Emma seems very scared and unsure of what to do. That's common for a spouse or girlfriend to react that way when they see their significant other suffering from a complicated injury. She needs time to process what's happened and seek out help when she needs it. I'll have to encourage her to ask questions.

Levi rolls his eyes at me after I apologize and looks away. "Just get on with the toileting already," he growls at me. I deserve the attitude, none of this is fair for anyone.

I grab the urinal and do what I need to as he turns his head away again to ignore me. Turning his head and avoiding my gaze is the only thing he can control at the moment, so I don't mind him wanting to ignore me.

"I know this is all unsettling and it will probably get worse before it gets better, but I'm always going to be straightforward with you about everything along the way," I state to him. I'm not going to paint a pretty picture for him and tell him everything will be fine, because that's far from the truth. Levi needs me to be honest with him for therapy to work.

Caught off guard, but not totally unexpected, Levi asks me, "What the hell made you want to do this for a job?"

I do get asked that often, being a guy, I can understand why my job is not very appealing, especially when it requires toileting and bathing patients. I enjoy my job though, being a physical therapist is rewarding and personal to me. It's best that Levi knows the reason I entered into this field in the first place, so I tell him.

"Fifteen years ago, my best friend Jasper completely severed his spinal cord in a skiing accident. There weren't any treatment centers like this back then. Doctors did what they could from what they knew at the time and I watched him go through whatever physical therapy treatment options were available. His injury was higher up than yours so even after months of PT, he still couldn't feel or move anything from his chest down, he only had sporadic control of his arms. Eventually, he developed a bed sore that developed into a bone infection, which became difficult to treat. He was always sick or in pain and lost motivation."

Levi seems to be listening to me, so I continue. "I witnessed my best friend go through every emotion possible...anger, denial, hopelessness, depression, and even though I was there for him, it wasn't enough, and he took his own life," I almost choke on the words but go on...." I promised myself I would do whatever I can to make sure someone in his situation doesn't have his same fate. I did a lot of research, became a physical therapist, and then I found Charlotte, and here I am," I happily explain to him.

He's still looking at me with curiosity as I push through my story.

"Charlotte is absolutely amazing at what she does. This idea to open a specialized rehabilitation center for spinal cord injury patients is personal to her too. She is very determined to help her patients, always looking for the newest treatments and that's why I love working with her, at this place," I tell him.

Levi has a much more pleasant expression on his face after hearing my side of the story and earnestly says, "Oh...Thanks for sharing and I'm sorry about your friend."

After what feels like a newfound respect for each other, I get the Hoyer lift ready and explain how I'm going to use it to lift him into his wheelchair.

"I'm going to roll you to your side, get this back brace on you and slip this sling under you, then roll you again," I inform him as I place my hands under his shoulder and hip. I begin to lift his weight up off the bed and he starts yelling, "Wait, wait!"

His body is shaking and his breathing is rapid. I wonder if he's always had panic attacks.

"Levi, how long have you suffered from anxiety?"

"What?" He's panting. "Never. I just don't like this feeling, I want to move but I can't and then my heart races and my body shakes."

"Sounds like you're having panic attacks. Try to focus on your breathing technique. In through your nose and out through your mouth." He does what I tell him to do, and I wait a few minutes for him to regain his composure.

"I'm going to talk with Charlotte and see what we can do to help you with these episodes."

He nods, keeping his eyes closed and focusing on staying calm. "The sling with hold you steady as the lift picks you up and I guide you into the wheelchair," I warn him.

I attach his back brace and the rest of the process goes smoothly. I make sure he's secure in the wheelchair and apply a strap around his chest to keep him from falling over. He stays quiet but no longer panicking. I reassure him that we'll be able to do more with him as his fracture heals and he acknowledges me with a nod.

"Your parents, Mark and Emma are waiting in the lounge for you, we're all going to take a tour of the place together before lunch, alright?" I say to him.

"Yeah, yeah, sure ok," he says as I push his chair into the hall.

Like I said, this is going to be a challenge and it's one I'm ready to tackle head on.