Boundless Love

Scared of Me

Levi's POV...

My sleep was sporadic last night, so when I woke this morning, I almost started to panic again. I feel trapped in my bed, like my arms and legs are tied down and there is no way out.  It takes every ounce of effort to try and calm myself down long enough to focus on my right arm. I suck in a deep breath and try to will my brain into making my right arm move. I've never had to conscientiously make any part of my body move before, but here I am, staring at my right arm and telling it to move. Oh, thank God, I exhale when my arm lifts up off the bed slightly and my elbow bends. Hesitation stops me from turning to my left arm, and I feel a chocking lump form in the back of my throat.

Thoughts of my left side not moving start to flood my mind and my breathing picks up again. I feel like my whole body is shaking inside, even though I can see it isn't. I don't know what's happening to me. It's like half of my body is dead and the sensations I can feel are freaking me out. My heart is going to bolt from my chest at any moment. I need someone to squeeze me...I need Emma to hug me tightly and not let go. Damnit! This is too much!

Just as I'm about to yell for help, Charlotte walks in.

"Good morning Levi," she says with a perfectly calm voice.

Her smile is so genuine, it lights up her beautiful face. I start to release some of the panic that was building inside me from just her presence here. How does she do that?

She must've caught my panic-stricken face when she entered the room because she picks up her pace as she makes her way over to me and grabs my hand and bicep.  Yes! Keep doing that, my other arm too, and my body. Hold me so it doesn't feel like my arms and legs are falling off. Fuck! Where's Emma?

"Are you ok? Are you in any pain?" She asks me. I can't tell her I want her to embrace me, she'll think I'm crazy and it wouldn't be appropriate.

" I... I didn't sleep well," I respond instead. I don't know how to explain to her that it's not the pain that's bothering me. There are no words to accurately describe what is happening to me.

"I brought you your breakfast. Emma called to say she's coming in early, so I thought she could help you this morning?" Her thoughtful multi-colored eyes are peering into mine, waiting for me to say something. Emma better hurry up.

"Thank you," is all I muster.

Charlotte sets up the food tray in front of me and says, "I will be back a little later, I have a few other people I have to see this morning." No, don't leave. I don't want to be alone, I don't want to be in this bed, I don't want to be paralyzed.

And like a paranoid idiot, I frantically ask, "When do you think you'll be back?"

My chest feels tight and my voice is shaky. I know I must look desperate, but I need her to stay, I need the calm feeling she brings into my room.

She firmly places her hand on my right shoulder as if she knows applying pressure seems to help me, although I need much more than that to fix what's going on with my body. Her reassuring words lightly flow from her mouth, "I promise I will see you again by lunch time."

I watch Charlotte start to leave my room only to hear her voice again, this time she's speaking to Emma right outside my door.

Why is Emma just standing at my door? How long has she been standing there? She needs to be in here with me, I need her more than ever now.

Emma finally walks in, cautiously assessing her surroundings, eying me up and down. Charlotte is guiding her further into my room. She's walking too slow, like she is afraid of something. Why is she acting like this, she's normally confident and demanding, today she's anything but. I'm happy she's here, but I don't like seeing her timid like this. Her solemn mood is already killing me. Get in here and wrap your arms around me!