Boundless Love

Missing Him

Charlotte's POV...

Sometimes I feel like I'm treading water in the middle of the ocean with no land in sight, and if I stop trying to swim, the waves will consume me.

I'm miserable and lonely not having Levi here. Two weeks have gone by already and even though I'm busy throughout the day and my treatments at the hospital have increased, I still feel empty inside. The only fulfilling part of my day is when we talk or text, and that's not nearly enough to fill the void in my chest.

Before meeting Levi, I thought I was happy, that my life was complete. I had a job where people needed me, and that made me feel special. I didn't mind not being in a relationship at the time because I had so many other responsibilities that occupied my time.

But Levi showed me there's more to life than just my work. He helped me realize I was missing one of the most important things in life...love.

I've never had this type of intimate connection before, someone to love me and accept all that I am, someone to share my free time with, laugh with, cry with. I miss him. I miss his handsome face and the way his hands send indescribable sensations throughout my body.

There's a piece of my heart missing now and I find myself just going through the motions of living and it's lonely.

Nate notices it too. Not only am I sick again from having radiation every day, but I'm also exhausted and can't keep up with the demands of my work. I don't know what I was thinking when I thought I could handle all of this, and not having Levi here for support.

I ended up having to hire another full time therapist so that she can take over for me and I can focus only on the paperwork and running the facility. Nate's demanded that I do no more patient therapy until after my surgery and I'm feeling better.

Nate also has convinced me to tell my parents about my situation. Of course they flew here right away and were not only very angry at me for not telling them in the first place, but they've also became very helpful to me.

My mom's been keeping my apartment tidy and cooking all the meals and my dad has kept occupied with fixing whatever he finds broken around here. They also sit with me during my treatments, which is comforting for me. Them being here for me makes me feel guilty as well. I'm wishing it was Levi here helping me through this, but I'm the one who pushed him to go back to England. He's going to be upset with me when I finally break the news to him, maybe he won't want to talk to me or even want me anymore. I'm hurting him by not telling him but I'm helping him at the same time I hope. I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. Either I keep this secret for as long as possible so he can enjoy life back home and finish this new acting role he has, or come clean. Either way, It may be too late at this point, and I'll probably end up by myself the rest of my life.

Levi and I have spoken on the phone almost every day. The six hour time difference has made it difficult for us. Between his acting job and my job here, as well as my grueling treatments, finding the right hour during the day to chat has been a challenge. I've found a few moments here and there to speak with Landon though.

Landon found out that I was sick when he was here for Levi's graduation party. I didn't tell him the extent of my struggles, all he knows is that I've been ill and I didn't want to worry Levi with my problems or make him lose focus on his goals. Landon tries to understand where I'm coming from, but he's not very happy with me for making him keep this secret from his best friend. I know I'm not being fair to either of them and my decision to hide it is going to come back and kick me in the ass.

Andy moved out of Levi's flat to live with his new girlfriend, but Landon has stayed with Levi so he can keep an eye on him and help him out. It makes me happy knowing Levi has a friend living with him, he won't feel lonely that way. Plus Landon fills me in on how Levi is really doing back home.