Boundless Love

Some Independence

Levi's POV...

"Morning Levi," a hand tapping on my shoulder wakes me up.

Charlotte's here with my breakfast. " You slept in this morning!"  She smiles while sitting my bed up.

"Shit! Sorry!... I didn't mean to," I tell her. Why did I sleep so late, I like to be dressed and have my teeth brushed before she comes in. I'm sure she doesn't care about what I look like, but I do. Especially in front of her. It's bad enough that she needs to get up close and personal in order to help me do basically everything, but not having brushed my teeth yet while she's this close to me is worse.

I notice she's not wearing her signature tank top look today. She's  got a light pink t-shirt on and tight fitting grey nurse pants. Her dirty blonde hair is up on top of her head in a messy bun, it's cute!

She notices I'm a little upset about not being presentable this morning, " It's no problem Levi, really! Plus this is a big week for you so I'm happy you got some extra sleep."

Charlotte sets my tray up in front of me while I'm still in bed. Lately I've been up in my chair at this time already for breakfast because it's easier for me to feed myself.

"A big week for me?" I curiously ask her

My arm trembles uncontrollably when I raise it towards my tray. I can't seem to get my hand to grab any of the food. Usually Nate's done the massage therapy before getting me up, which helps with my muscle spasms. I get them everywhere. Every part of my body that's attempting to function properly endures these trembling spasms. Apparently, they will lessen over time when I have more control over my muscles and nerves, I'm told. In the meantime, I often resemble a vibrating machine until someone applies pressure and massages into my muscles. I look especially ridiculous when both of my arms and legs decide to spasm at the same time and it takes a while to get them under control. Sometimes they get so bad that Charlotte fits some type of air casts around my limbs that apply heat and pressure at the same time. I feel slightly embarrassed when people see me wearing them and pray that Emma never has to see me like that.

Charlotte notices my difficulty and immediately begins massaging my arm and hand, focusing on my fingers and helping me grasp my fork. She wraps her fingers tightly around mine so I can grip the handle. My arm doesn't seem to want to cease jumping around. My food's going to end up on the floor or all over me. Charlotte patiently waits by my side though, helping to make sure that doesn't happen.

"Yes it's a big week," she reminds me. " You're having an x-ray taken to make sure your fracture has healed enough. You'll be custom fitted for you new leg braces, and if all works out... we are going to get you practicing sitting up on your own!"

She catches me staring off, "Is that ok?" She looks at me, waiting for me to respond. None of it is ok. Wearing leg braces and falling over trying to sit up doesn't sound appealing, yet this is my life now.

"Yeah, that sounds great," I say with very little excitement in my voice. I haven't thought of sitting up on my own, I've only been able to control my head, mostly right arm and slightly my right leg so far. My body has been lifted for me by the machine every time I'm transferred out of bed or out of the chair, or to shower. I can raise both my arms but they always start off trembling and uncoordinated. Sometimes my fingers want to stay tucked into a fist, especially my left hand until someone gently glides them open for me. I'm afraid of what sitting up will feel like without having any trunk control. I'm usually strapped to the wheelchair to keep myself upright. And I absolutely hate the sensation of falling, which 99% of the time causes me to panic. So, it's safe to say I'm nervous about the next steps.

Charlotte squeezes my hand and smiles at me. I hadn't noticed that my random thoughts caused my breathing to speed up. See, I'm beginning to panic just thinking about it. God, what I would do to have Emma holding me right now, keeping me from falling apart.

" I'm going to have Nate come in and help you get dressed, then have the x-rays done," Charlotte calmly says while squeezing my hand again, making sure I'm ok before she leaves.

I guess I am a little excited for this week , nervous as hell, but excited to start doing different things. The past three weeks have been slow, doing the same shit every day, and I was starting to think I'd never move forward.

After Nate gets me dressed and the x-rays are taken, joyous Sarah enters my room with a new wheelchair. She is so excited as she shows me that my new chair is electric. I can sit almost straight up when I'm secured against the back of the chair she tells me, and I can move my right hand enough to maneuver myself around using the hand control.

This day keeps on getting better and better.

I spend the rest of the day doing multiple therapy sessions and getting measured for my leg braces, but during my short down times, I'm able to freely wheel around the place on my own. A little piece of independence has found its way back to me, and for the first time in three weeks I welcome the little piece of hope.

Charlotte helps me with dinner tonight and constantly praises me when I'm able to feed myself using my right hand with barely any help. I still need Charlotte to help me control my arm spasms when I initially try to move them and I still need help grasping things, but Charlotte also helps me understand how much of a big step this is for me, encouraging me to do more. My spastic extremities don't alarm her, she automatically runs her hands along my muscles until they calm down. She always knows what to do. I wonder what would've happened to me if Mark and my parents hadn't found this place for me.

In the past few days, I've noticed the improvement in myself and how very minor accomplishments can make quite a difference. Like, when I feel that my right arm is fairly in control, I find that I'm able to put some weight on it and can use my arm to help myself shift my body around in bed and in my chair. Although those tasks are extremely difficult for me to do, I'm not completely trapped anymore.

I can't wait for Emma to see me this weekend. I'm making progress. I'm anxious to show her what I've learned to do since the last time she saw me. I hope she'll be just as excited for me as I am.