Boundless Love

Panic

Levi's POV...

I'm not an angry person. I fact, Landon would tell me that I'm too nice, too easy going. Yet, here I am, stuck here and angry about everything.

I'm angry with Emma for leaving me here alone, angry with myself for being so drunk that I stupidly walked into the middle of the road, angry I'm here in this place with only a quarter of a functioning body.

I didn't sleep at all last night. I was so frustrated after Emma called me yesterday that I took it out on everyone who tried to help me. This isn't their fault and I shouldn't be angry with anyone here. I'm trying my best to keep it together while my fiancé doesn't think anything's wrong with abandoning me.

Charlotte wasn't here to work her magic and calm me down, and I want to feel guilty for being mad at her too, but I can't shake this outrage I have.

I'm hungry, but I feel like I might be sick if I eat anything, and my head is throbbing... I think I'm going to loose my mind!

Where the hell is Nate? I should be up in my chair by now, I want to wheel myself out of this room.

My body feels so tense this morning. I'm agitated and my limbs contract as a reflex every time I try to move them. Usually they spasm, but today they want to contort into painfully stiff positions.

Nate and Sarah appear in my room without the hoyer lift I notice. Great... what are they going to do to me now I wonder, I'm not in the mood for any of this, and Sarah is not in her normally chipper mood either, she looks nervous... I don't like it.

"We're going to get you to sit on the side of your bed for a bit this morning and then transfer you into your chair," Nate assertively states. Yeah, good luck with that, maybe if you can get my rigid body to cooperate.

" Where's the lift?" I ask him
" No lift," he replies
"What! No... no, I'm not ready for that," I state harshly. Charlotte's supposed to be here for this. Where is she?

"Yes you are ready, and we're going to help you," he argues back.

My limbs have been practically useless for a month, everyone moves my torso for me. The parts of me I can't control yet feel heavy, like they're not even connected to me. How am I going to sit up?

I feel my body once again stiffen as they both grab a side of me to help sit me up. My heart is ready to pound out of my chest and I can't seem to catch my breath when I feel Nate grab my legs and swing them over the side of the bed, Sarah guiding my upper body. There goes both my legs, quivering like crazy.

"Put me down!" I frantically demand. "Put me down now!" I yell louder. I'm freaking out.

"You can do this Levi, we're right here with you," Sarah tries to calm me.

I don't have any control of my upper body, everything is limp. My legs and arm muscles are bouncing around like crazy as Nate tries adjusting my feet to stay planted on the floor. Sarah is pressing one hand to my upper chest and one to my back trying to hold me straight. I'll surely fall if she lets go. I see myself physically sitting on the side of my bed but it doesn't feel like it at all, and it's the most terrifying sensation.

"Please lay me back down," I plead, My whole body is shaking uncontrollably. I can't breathe I try to tell them but can't. I think I'm having a full blown panic attack.

All of the sudden I feel someone get up onto my bed behind me. "Levi," a concerned voice speaks. ...It's Charlotte.

I'm trembling so bad now, I can't stop it. My arms constricting against my sides, fists clenched, unable to grab ahold of anything. Charlotte will lay me back down, I know she will.

But I'm wrong, she's not laying me back down... ugh! No one here is on my side, can't they see I'm terrified!

A second later, Charlotte's touch sends another indescribable sensation throughout my body and I cease breathing. She's kneeling behind me pressing her body against my back then reaches over me to grab both of my arms with hers, firmly bringing them up to rest against my chest and gives me a tight bear hug. "Just breathe," she softly says, her face close to my ear..."just breathe."

Charlotte  keeps a firm hold around me. I can smell the sweet scent of her vanilla shampoo, her face and hair touching my neck. This is what I've wanted since my accident, someone to hold me like this and make me feel secure. The pressure being applied to my whole body does something to calm my nerves and my breathing slows down to almost normal. Charlotte waits patiently, her arms still wrapped around me until I stop shaking. She gently glides her fingers under mine, helping me open up my fisted hands. "You're okay, I'm right here helping you," she reminds me.

When she starts to release me from her hold, I almost start to panic again, but somehow I remain calm. " I'm going to help you sit up now," she says softly.

"No! Please!" I beg her, feeling completely vulnerable now that I have actual tears pouring down my cheeks.

" Don't panic, please! I've got you, I promise," she quietly adds while wiping my tears with her fingers.

She slowly brings herself to the side of me while lifting my left arm and placing it around the back of her neck and sits beside me. Her right arm is around my middle back holding me up while her left hand is on my chest, and we just sit there, practicing our breathing together.

Nate and Sarah haven't said a word during this whole ordeal. They're staring at Charlotte and I, mouths hanging open like their jaws might hit the floor.

"It's ok guys, I've got this," Charlotte says to them. Then tells them she'll call them if we need anything.

She sits with me holding me steady on the edge of the bed for a while, letting me stay silent. I can't help but look at her, her multi-color eyes, her face, so pure. The way she looks back at me makes me believe that she truly cares about me. But she can't really, this is her job right? I think to myself.

Nate left my chair and what Charlotte calls a sliding board close to my bed. She slowly gets up, bringing my arms to grasp both of her shoulders as she stands in front of me. "I've got you," she reminds me again and places her arms under my arm pits and wraps them around my upper back. I wrap my arms the best I can around the back of her neck and she lifts me onto the slide board and guides me into my chair. Her hand stays firmly on my chest so I don't fall over while she secures the strap around me, then she leans down and adjusts my legs and places my feet on the foot rest.

I don't have the words to tell her how I feel right now. I appreciate everything she's done for me and I hope when she looks at me she can see how thankful I am. Thankful that at this very moment I'm not going to panic.

" Emma isn't coming again this weekend," I manage to speak once I'm settled into my chair.

"I know, I'm sorry," she says back, acknowledging my hurt.

She grabs my hand and says , " I'll tell you what... how about we spend this weekend working on your core and your arm strength, so that if Emma shows up on Monday you can show her how well you can sit up, along with all of your other accomplishments so far?"

" That sounds great." I tell her. " Thank you Charlotte."