Boundless Love

This is Love

Levi's POV...

We're still wrapped in each other's arms. My emotions are all over the place. I'm angry with her for thinking I should go home, I'm sad thinking that we'll be apart, but mostly I'm scared. Im afraid that this is her way of leaving me, not like what Emma did to me, but not wanting me just the same. It's a crazy thought that I can't help from thinking.

I know Charlotte  loves me, she says she loves me, but everything else she says is confusing as hell. Sitting here quiet on the blanket is not helping either, it 's making my anxiety worse.

"We should get back," she says, lifting her head from my shoulder and standing herself up.

Leave it to my paranoid mind to cause an excruciating spasm in my left leg when I try to stand. Charlotte sees me shift uncomfortably on the blanket, clenching my fists and wincing and she brings herself back down beside me.

"I can't get up," I angrily groan.

She reaches for my leg, attempting to massage the pain away. Although this is exactly what I need, I can't let her.

"Don't!" I say and move her hand away from me. This is exactly why she wants me to leave.

She doesn't say anything, yet remains by my side, watching me trying to fight through the pain.

"I'm sorry," she softly says.

"You have nothing to be sorry about, I'm the one who's sorry. My body has a habit of ruining the moment."

She offers me her hand and this time I take it. She leans closer to me so that our shoulders are touching. I watch her fingers slowly entwine with mine. She's here with me, waiting and comforting me, loving me. She's trying to mend my broken pieces and it hurts so much more because soon we'll be apart and I'm afraid of completely coming undone.

After I think the spasms are over, I carefully get myself to stand while Charlotte folds up the blanket. I reach to take her hand for our walk back, but another spasm sends shooting pains down my leg again. This time Charlotte grabs my arm and brings it around her shoulder and her other arm holds the back of my waist for support. I let her help me even though I don't want her to have to hold me up while we walk. I'm failing her and I'll never be the man she needs me to be.

Our walk back is slow and painful. We stop when my next spasm is so bad that I pull her to face me and put my forehead down onto her head while her arms clutch tightly around my back.

"Levi, breathe," she says while rubbing my back. "I'm right here with you," she softly adds.

I cling to her warmth, her touch, and maybe that's all I need for her to do and say to make everything better.

My spasms disappear by the time we reach the jeep. She instructs me to the passenger side so she can drive. There's no argument about it, only a feeling of shame.

Our drive back is strange quietness. Charlotte's clutching the steering wheel like she's afraid something's going to happen. And though she seems hyper focused on the road, her other hand remains locked with mine the entire ride.

I break the silence first.

"I'm happy staying here with you. I realize my life wasn't always what it was cracked up to be until I met you. Nothing was real, not my fiance, not my job. I won't be happy there."

"You don't know you won't be happy until you go and try," she says, squeezing my hand.

She's acting so unusual. All I want is for her to tell me to stay. I feel my eyes well up. I can't be mad at her, I love her too much.