Scars of the Past

Chapter Thirty-Nine: Anthony Higgins

            I walk out of the bedroom and through the hallway covered in photos. Each one I'm smiling brighter than the sun, him wrapping his arms around me. 

           A big german shepherd runs down the hallway covering me in kisses. 

          I laugh and pet him. "Good morning, Zeus." 

        I continue walking, the soft carpet brushing against my fuzzy socks. I walk out into the living room to see him. His face lights up as he notices me. "Good morning handsome." 

     My heart flutters up into my throat. "Sean." 

     "Hey I'm Spottie to you," he smiles, getting up from the couch and kissing me. "You have to get ready soon because we have breakfast this morning." 

      "We do?" I ask. 

     He laughs. "Yes remember? Today is the last day I get to wake up with you before we're married."

     My face lights up as he begins walking toward the kitchen. "You have thirty minutes to get ready before we have to leave for our reservation."

     "Okay," I smile brightly as I walk back towards the bedroom. With each step I take, it all fades away. Until I'm left in darkness. 

      I open my eyes and wake up in Amelia and Corey's guest bedroom. I look over at the clock and see it's 8:30. I slept through my alarm. 

(Totally did not happen to me this week. Absolutely not...haha...)

     My heart pounds in my chest more as I leap up from the bed. I sprint over to my closet, yank a button-up off the hanger and grab some dress pants. I quickly brush my teeth, get my clothes on and sprint out of the house. 

      I run over to the car Amelia and Corey are letting me borrow for work and quickly put the keys in. I turn the car on, buckle up, and pull out of the driveway and back onto the streets. 

      The next ten minutes are the most overwhelming minutes I have ever felt. Of course, I run into all of the stop lights, each one I want to rip out of the ground more than the one before that. I feel anxious because I'm late in the first place and then well...there's the dream. 

      Eventually, I get into the parking lot and quickly find a spot, park, and sprint into the building. The cold air hits me as I run up the stairs and straight toward the break room. 

    "There you are!" Jessica shouts from her desk. She puts her pen down and heads over to me as I run into the room. I fumble for my ID in my pocket and head to scan in. 

     "Are you okay?" she asks, shutting the door behind me. 

     "Well I am late so," I mutter anxiously. I get the card scanned, my heart still pounding. 

    "Now you're here though so it's okay," she says. "What's wrong?" 

    "Just ran into a lot of traffic and slept past my alarm and..." 

    "Woah, slow down. You're okay. It's going to be fine. He won't fire you because you're fifteen minutes late. Nobody wants to work here anyways so it's hard enough to get someone to come in here at all, on time or not," she explains. 

     "I guess," I mumble as my dream starts to flood my mind again. "Jessica, I had a dream."

     She narrows her eyebrows, forcing a confused smile. "And that's good...?"

      I shake my head. "No! No, it's not." 

     She leans against the counter as I take a breath. "I slept past my alarm because of a dream about...Sean."

     Her eyes grow wide as she covers her mouth with her hand. "Oh my god!" 

     "I know!" 

      "What happened in your dream?" she grins. 

      "I woke up in our bedroom on the day before our wedding and he was being sweet and talking about some breakfast reservations we had for our last day dating," I explain, feeling my face go red. "Why did I dream about that, Jess?" 

      She smiles walking over to me and hugging me before pulling away to face me. "You still love him." 

       I shake my head. "No, I don't! I mean, I can't. He got with Amelia right after he broke up with Maggie and left the second he found out Maggie and him weren't over." 

      She sighs. "He wasn't the brightest at the time but you can't hold that against him forever. He's been helping Amelia and Corey a lot lately and trying to get closer to his son. He may have messed up in the first place but now he's trying to do better. And he's never done anything bad to you. Before you found out about this you never even had a thought of breaking up with him." 

      "Jess, that sounds stupid. He messed up and I can't just let that go," I explain. 

      "Well then I guess you're just going to have to suck up the dreams about him and the daydreams and the obsessive thoughts," she shrugs, beginning to leave the break room. 

      "Come on, Jess," I mumble as she walks out. 

       She heads back to her desk as I stand in the room. 

       My heart continues fluttering in my chest until it suddenly grows slow. No matter what I truly feel about him or what I dream about, it's over now. We broke up. I let him go and now he's dating somebody else. So now I'm stuck agreeing with my old thoughts. The fact he did mess up and I can't just pretend like he didn't. The fact that when he tried to make things better between us, I let him go again. I let him go to someone else and he's happy. I need to be happy with my choice because now, there's no changing it. 

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  Hiiiiii! Thank you guys all so much for a thousand views on this book. I can't believe it got this far and I'm so glad you guys enjoy it! I'm grateful for each and everyone one of you. You are all amazing. Thanks for spending the past two years with me <3