Scars of the Past

Chapter Eight: Racetrack Higgins

           I ran to the Jeep as tears poured down my face. I felt like such a mess. Not only could I not realize how bad the guy I was dating actually was, but I'm crying over him. Crying over the guy who's ruined tons of lives. How could I have been so stupid? I knew he seemed off. How could someone be so perfect? Now I guess I have my answer. He isn't perfect.

          As I was busy having my pity party, of course, the last person I wanted to see trotted towards the car. If we had the doors, I would have had an easy way out of this situation. Just lock him out. But of course, I wasn't planning on finding out how much of a huge jerk my husband was.

         "Anthony, I can explain!"

          "Explain what?!"

          "Elliott was-"

           "I don't care about the Elliott situation! I love kids. You cheated on Maggie with Amelia. Then had a child with her and then hooked up with me an hour after you two broke up?! What is there to explain?" I snapped. I was trying so hard not to make eye contact with him, or even catch a glimpse of him. My brain would just tell me that 'he actually loves you, so why are you freaking out about his past mistakes? He would NEVER do that to you'. But I still looked at him. How can someone be so gorgeous, yet so terrible?

           "I was young and dumb! Please Anthony!"

            "You are still dumb to think that I'd want you back!" I narrowed my eyes at him, "I wish you the best of luck with your new lover. Hopefully, they'll trust you!" I shouted sarcastically at him. I climbed out of the car and ran to the house. I didn't care if he was crying. I'm sure he wasn't. He wasn't crying when he did all that bad stuff to Amelia and Maggie so why would I be any different?

            After I got inside, I ran to the bathroom collapsing on the floor. Why can't I contain myself? Why do I have to be so darn pathetic? I reached into my pockets and grabbed a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. I popped open the window, then lit my cigarette. I watched as the end burned. Embers built upon the end of the cigarette as I sucked on the paper. Inhaling, then exhaling smoke. I held the cigar in my mouth as I reached for the toilet paper roll and began collecting a handful of the soft paper. I flickered the embers onto it, then continued smoking. People say it's bad for you, but sometimes, it's the only good thing for you. The only thing that will calm you. Release you from your prison of despair and disappointment. My tears began to slow as I released smoke, trying to blow a circle out of the remnants.

           "Ant? Are you okay?" Jessica asked. I could tell she was rather close to the door based on her volume, but I guess stuff like that is pretty unpredictable when you're referring to a Delancey.

           "I-I'm fine," I responded then began chocking on the smoke. I took the cigarette out and then continued, "I promise."

           "Are you sure?" Maggie asked. Hearing her voice just reminded me of what he had done to her. My tears picked up speed again.

           "Is he g-gone?" I murmured as I leaned against the door. Even if they somehow got the door opened, they were going to have to shove me out of the way before getting in.

           "Sean isn't gone," Davey replied.

           "Don't say his name!" I snapped again, "I don't want to hear about him ever again. Make him leave! I don't want to see him."

            Jessica let out a sigh, "Anthony, he really wants to talk to you."

            "But I don't want to talk to him!" I took my cigarette out and moaned as the flame began to die out. I grabbed another cigarette and lit it. I was going to need a lot more cigarettes to get through the night.

            "Okay," Jessica replied, sighing again. I couldn't tell if she generally understood why I didn't want to see him or if she was just trying to convince me I need him but it wasn't going to work. I don't care how cute he is, or how pretty, or how loving, or how wonderful he seemed. It was all just a huge lie. Just a big stereotype I pined on a terrible guy.

           "Can I please come in?"

            "I'm not in the mood."

            "I just want to talk to you. Please?" Amelia asked, softly. I didn't entirely know if I wanted to talk to her. She was just as blind as I was. Foolishly fell in love with a lie. Then, she refused to see the bad in things. As terrible as he was towards her and Maggie, I'm sure she could still go on an hour-long rant about how wonderful he is. She is completely blind to reality. Oblivious to the things in front of her until they come and whack her in the face.

           "I'm not getting back together with him!"

           "That's not what I wanted to talk to you about. Please just let me in."

            I sighed and then stood up, unlocking the door and opening it. "What?"

            She came in and shut the door behind her, sitting down with me, next to the door. "I'm sorry. I should have told you about him and me. I just felt like my grudge against him was a foolish thing. Selfish really. You deserved to know. I mean, if I knew about the Maggie situation, I would have never dated him. He's just good with lies. He has a way of faking things."

            I pulled my legs to my chest and rested my head down on my knees. "Boy do I know."

           She sighed then wrapped her arm around me as she scooted closer. "But that doesn't mean I think you should forgive him because I didn't do anything to say I was angry. You don't deserve to be hurt. You're a wonderful guy and you shouldn't be wasting your time with someone who has the potential to do you harm. You can do better than him. You'll find someone you love, and someone that loves you back with all their heart."

          I looked up at her and smiled softly. I put my cigarette back in my mouth as I moved my legs away from my chest.

         "I promise you'll find them. A guy like you always manages to find happiness. Sometimes it takes a few devils to find a god," She smiled softly.

         "How am I supposed to find a god if I don't even have a house? My life is a mess!" I took my cigarette out and buried my head into my knees. I guess my cigarette was too close to my skin because I felt a sharp pain in my legs. Cigarette burns weren't something I was new to.

         "You can stay at our house. We have a spare bedroom. Plus then I can help you keep your mind off of that jerk. Things will get better. I promise."

         "Really?"

         Amelia nodded as I tugged her into a hug, "Thank you so much, Lia."

         I made sure I had my cigarette far enough away from her as I hugged her so she didn't get a burn or a bad haircut.

         "Anytime, Anthony."