𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐑𝐄 𝐊𝐈𝐃𝐒, 𝐭.𝐬𝐢𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐬

02. more than words can describe.

˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗

WARNINGS: this chapter mentions a
character going through a loss. please
read with caution :).

˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗

bracing myself as my mum parked in the hospital car park, i took a deep breathe. it wasn't very often that i came to visit my dad, i felt awful for it, but seeing him slowly change broke my heart.

it was selfish of me to not see him more, but my heart simply could not take it. we all knew he didn't have long left, so i was trying to make the most of it.

"you ready?" my mum asked, looking over at me after turning the car off.

"mhm, i think so." i nodded, looking down.

she took my hand, rubbing her thumb against it gently. "it's gonna be okay, val. i promise. he wants to see you, you can do it." she comforted.

i took another deep breathe and we got out of the car. the all too familliar walk to his room was slow, the silence was deafening. we walked into the room, and my dad smiled immediately at the sight of me.

"valerie– sweetheart. hey, princess." he spoke quietly as i came and sat beside him.

"hi, dad. how you doin?" i questioned, smiling, hiding the heartache from seeing him so beaten down.

"i'm good, how are you? i've missed you!"

"that's good, i'm alright and i've missed you too. sorry i didn't come and see you yesterday, i didn't know mum was coming." i said, him holding my hand in his.

"oh, that's okay. i understand you have a life, and i don't expect or want you to put it on pause for me." he started, "just know, when i'm gone–"

"please, dad. don't." i frowned at the words, feeling my eyes start to well up.

the fact he only had a little amount of time left wasn't unknown, but actually hearing him talk about it made it feel more real. that was the worst part, it was real. it wasn't some terrible nightmare that i could wake up from, i was really losing my dad.

growing up, i was always close with both of my parents, being an only child. my dad and i though were the best of friends, when i was younger i was always a 'tomboy'

not in a pick me way, in a i didn't mind getting my hands dirty way. he'd take me and tommy to the park to climb trees and dig for 'treasure' in the mud, anything that would end up with me getting home and my mum quickly telling me to get in the bath, my dad encouraged.

"i don't wanna lose you, dad." i mumbled, letting a tear fall.

"oh, my princess. i'm always going to be here, whether you can see me or not." i watched as a tear fell down his face, him pulling me into a hug with the little energy he had left in his body. "just think of it as a– long holiday, if you will. but i can still see you, and i can still hear you. you need somebody to talk to and don't want anyone to judge you, speak to me. you might not get a response, but you will be heard. i love you more than words can describe, valerie."

without replying, i sobbed into his shoulder. "i love you so much. so so much." i mustered out between sobs, him rubbing my back.

"i love you more, now c'mon. be the brave girl i taught you to be." his voice barely above a whisper, he pressed a tender kiss to my forehead.

pulling away, i moved out of the seat beside his bed to a different one on the other side of the room, letting my mum have a chance to speak to him. i blurred out the sounds of their voices, letting my emotions overtake me.

"have you told her?" the voice of my dad could be heard, his efforts of being quiet failing miserably.

"no." my mum responded, "i'm going to tell her, later. when we get home."

"tell me what?" i asked, not being able to keep quiet any longer.

"just tell her, louise." my dad sighed.

walking over to the two of them, i gave each of them a confused look.

"two days." my mum answered, her voice breaking. "he's got two days, valerie."

in that moment, i felt my heart fall and drop to the ground. "w-when did you find out?"

"they told me yesterday," my dad answered the question for her, "i told her not to tell you last night if you came in happy, i'm sorry i didn't tell you sooner, but now you know."

nodding, i swallowed the lump in my throat that i hadn't earlier noticed. "i'm just going to have a minute." i announced and left the room without letting them speak another word.

the fact they only just told me didn't really bother me, normally it would but knowing it was him who told my mum not to tell me made me slightly less pissed off. however, nothing could've prepared me for the six words that my mum just spoke.

two days. two days was no time. suddenly, i felt immense amounts of guilt for the day prior. knowing i went out and made stupid jokes with my friends rather than visiting my dad in some of his final moments killed me inside.

i wasn't ready. i don't think i could ever be ready to lose him, he was my everything. letting out broken sobs into my shaky hands, i sat on the floor a few steps away from my dads hospital room.

people walked past, staring and giving me comforting looks. the future scared me before, but now i was more than just scared. i was terrified. my dad wasn't going to be there to guide me through everything anymore.

sure, i had my mum. i loved her just as much, but i wasn't losing her, knowing my dad was going only made me appreciate her more.

"hey, are you okay?" i heard a familiar voice, looking up i noticed larissa. "oh my god, valerie."

she immediately sat down beside me, pulling me into her arms. soaking her t-shirt with my tears, i tried to speak but just hyperventilated.

"ri, he's— he's got two days left." i mustered out, and i felt her movements stop.

"oh, val." she whispered, holding me even tighter. "i won't give you any bullshit, it's gonna be okay, because your feelings are completely valid. i love you so much, i'm here, i'm always here."

"larissa, i'm so sorry to interrupt and i hate to be this person i really wish i didn't have to say this." her coworker spoke sheepishly. "our patient is going into her operation in three minutes, you need to get ready."

"can somebody cover me, please? just for twenty minutes or so, she needs me."

"right, i'll get josh to cover you for a bit. you will have to come in like twenty minutes though."

"thank you so much."

what the fuck am i going to do.