Back To Me

Chapter 24

Karim's POV:

Hanging up the phone to Thozi once she had turned the call down, I placed my phone down on the sofa in which I was sitting on. I honestly cannot believe this happening, I cannot even in a sense get my head around the fact that Lucia has found out about us, it does not at all in this moment seem real. Of course, Lucia was going to find out eventually, but I did not know it would come around this quickly, and in the way it did. Thozi was adamant that she was to be the one to tell Lucia, and for her not to find out by herself. But we had no power over all of this at all, we could not control it, and Lucia found out in the worst possible way in which we could have imagined. Just seeing how Thozi reacted, I know he was not comfortable too.

In my eyes and from the way she acted Thozi was not ready. As she had told me many times before, Thozi wanted to wait a little while until we let this secret out. And of course, yes I do understand that, and that is why I feel for her intently. She does not deserve this at all in the slightest, I am the cause of this all. If it was not down to me and my constant persisting with it all, then Thozi and I would not be in this situation we are in now. I would still be in such of a relationship that I was desperately trying to find cracks in all in order to get out of it all just as soon as I could, and Thozi would have her dream job still. But no, I had to go and ruin that all, I ruined everything. And, more importantly, I feel like I have ruined Thozi's life with now.

The way I see it now, you can think I am overreacting completely. But the truth it, this is just the way I feel at the moment, and the way I constantly feel. Just remembering how happy in the way she carried herself Thozi was when this was all a secret, how everything was ok, and she had not a single care in the world – besides knowing what she was doing with me was to be wrong. But now after hearing her voice on the phone, how broken it sounded and how as well she does not seem herself, that is such a big enough giveaway for me to know how now her life had taken a dramatic turn of events. She no longer does not have a single care in the world – she has many – she no longer has her dream job, and all of that now, is down to me.

Believe me when I say this, but, I wish I could go back and changed what had happened. Not in the sense of Thozi and I being back together, but in the sense of stopping this all from just happening and ruining her life. What we should have done really, well what I should have all a long time ago, was end things with Lucia when I was no longer happy. Doing that would of course have saved so much hurt, from both Lucia's behalf and also Thozi's. So then once this all had passed, then I could have tried to get back on track with Thozi again. Perhaps that of course would have been a harder way to meet Thozi, but it could have happened, I know it.

Anyway, letting a sigh escape out from my lips, I ran a hand through my hair while looking at the TV in front of me. To be honest with you I was barely paying any attention to it, my mind was focused on Thozi and Thozi only. I wanted to be with her, to comfort her with all of this, and to tell her that everything will work out better in the end. But at this moment right now I do not think it is best to overload her with affection, she does not need it. But what I think she does need is time along. Time alone to get her head around all that has happened today and to try and work out what to do next, what step to take as a result of this change which I know she is going through. It may be hard for her but I will always be here for her through it.

But just in this moment now, the sound of the front door opening and then slamming shut, all of a sudden rang through my ears. And I knew who it was, I knew Lucia was home, and so I simply just remained sat still on the sofa in the front room. In about a minute or so though, and the sound of footsteps walking through the hallway and to the front room were to all of a sudden become evident to me. All before I noticed Lucia out the corner of my eyes here in the front room, but not uttering a single word. Instead, she simply just proceeded to walk to one of the shelves in the room, taking things off it without even acknowledging me. And so, I have to admit, confusion ran all the way through me as a result of seeing her doing this all.