Back To Me

Chapter 9

Thozi's POV:

Adjusting my hair, make-up and outfit of choice picked for the day ahead I sighed to myself, a severe case of nerves flooding through me as today was the day. Today was the day which I would be eating out for lunch with Karim, just the two of us, nobody else around us even in the slightest other than the company between the both of us. So to be completely honest as of in now with you, I felt ever so optimistic in how this lunch could pan out. I know for just a simple fact that things are going to be brought up, things I may not want to speak about due to the pain it brings back, and all of course those things involving how Karim cheated on me.

In all honesty I do not know how I will react if those sorts of things are to be brought up, will I cry, or will I just sit there and talk things through over what happened with Karim. To be all that honest with you I do not know, my mind is a blank due to my reactions with, I guess it is just one of those things which I will be known to as to how I will act when it is then about to come around to it. But the one thing I at least want to come from going out with Karim for a spot of lunch is for things to stop being awkward between us, I no longer want to feel all the tension between us. I know it is not neither of our faults but down to the fact of how all this panned out between us in the past, in a way actually, you could of course blame Karim for it.

He is the one after all which cheated on me, he is the one which broke my heart into ever so many tiny pieces, and he is the one which caused all of this awkwardness upon us. If he was to not cheat on me with Lucia and at least attempt to pursue a long distances relationship in the past when he moved here to Madrid, then things would not be awkward by any means I have to admit. For all both of us know now then we could have still been in that ever so of a happy relationship we were once in, married for all we know, with a child/children with us if I think too much into it. But at the end of the day and for all I know, things may not even in a slight of ways lasted that long. We could have ended up breaking up at the end anyway too.

You could almost say that now I am thinking things over ever too much due to all to do with me and Karim, but the reality to it all is that I cannot help myself. When you care ever so of a much about someone, someone you once and still do love dearly with all of your heart, it is ever so hard to forget all you once had with that special person in your life. And that is all which I am doing now, thinking of what could have or could not have been with Karim. It is in a way painting out the perfect picture of what my life could have consisted of it all this in a sense was not to have happened. I could have easily been on top of the world, not having a job which I loved dearly and the perfect man beside me, a life that anyone could dream of.

But as of right now I know that is not going to happen, I am not going to have a perfect life I could only dream of as Karim is of course with Lucia now and not me. And that is something I need to accept. Deep down I know I should have not agreed to this lunch as I am of course trying to get over him, but with what happened between us that night of the party – us to in a sudden sort of way come close to sleeping with one another in my bed – I need all of these different sorts of answers from him, I need to know why he let things go as far as they did in that moment, and I need to know if he still feels anything for me. So going out to lunch with him is the only way I will get those answers, so I will do all I can to get what I need from him.

Anyway, taking a deep breath in and then back out again I soon stood up straight from just a couple of moments ago placing my bag on the crease to my arm. So in a couple of seconds I was to start making my way out of my room and through into the front room in order to get out of the apartment, hoping beyond praying that Adrienne was not going to be there so in a way I did not have to explain myself to her. You see the thing is, she has no idea even in a slight way that I am going out for lunch with Karim today, she does not know he even just as of yesterday text me to ask. This is a whole shock to her if she was to ever know, and as for that as a reason that is why I want to keep this whole thing a secret between me and Karim.