Back To Me

Chapter 8

Thozi's POV:

Just staring into the space of where Karim previously was I felt ever so devastated over all of which had just happened, why did Lucia have to walk in right at that moment? She could not have picked a worse moment if I am honest with you, I wanted one kiss and one kiss only for once from him. But that clearly could not have happened even if I did end up wanting it to in that moment, we were stopped. And as I watched Karim’s lips moving closer towards that of my own I realised how much I wanted it, how much I longed for that intoxicating feeling of a sense to have his lips press against my own. It is a feeling I have wanted for so long since the moment I saw him again after all this time, something I have only ever dreamt of happening.

But I guess it is something that is going to have to stay as a dream for me now, it did not in a slight way happen besides the slight brush of his lips against that of my own and which I can do now is imagine what it would have felt like. It would have made everything ok again, only by that slight feeling I would have felt whole again. As I know for a simply face that from the moment his lips were against mine it would feel like it used to, like when we were together all that time ago. I just wanted a little snippet of what it was like, to have Karim right where I wanted him and not feeling depressed by the slight thought or sight of him before me then.

I know I should not be feeling like this for obvious reasons – because I am trying as hard as I can to get over him – but when Karim practically throws himself at me like he did, it all then becomes ever so hard for me to push him away. At the start of the night I had ever so much of my confidence back again, I promise myself I would not feel down when it comes to that man again, but here I am now and ever so upset over all which had just happened. In a way I am annoyed and frustrated in myself, for getting sucked back into that charm of Karim’s I all of this time was trying to get out of. Just from his charming of ways I was sucked back in yet again, coming back to square one after working so hard to get out of it in such a long time.

So letting a loud and heavy sigh slip from out of my lips I reached for my glass of wine which I had placed on the side next to me, bringing it up to my lips and downing the entire thing. I guess you could say I did it in a way to numb all of the pain which was in me as of right now in this moment, or you could even say I just needed something to take my mind off all of the sour thoughts of Karim and Lucia that I was having. But nevertheless I drank it, all in one as I did not bring my lips away from the glass until I had finished all of the content inside. And as soon as I placed the glass back down on the side again and had carefully wiped my mouth in a way to rid of the liquid could be around it, I stormed back into the front room once again.

Although I did not stay in the front room for longer than a couple of seconds, as due to all of the tears of devastation which were falling down my cheeks I rushed off into the direction of my room and shut the door behind me. I just wanted to be along right now, alone to try and figure out why I almost let happen all of that with Karim back then. In all honesty there is if I think about it just one logical reason due to it; that I still have severe and strong feelings for Karim. It is as if no matter how hard I try I just cannot get over him, it has been too long and I know I need to move on from the past. But I cannot seem to do so, every time I think that I am over him the feelings just come back soon enough whether I even want them to or not.

Burying my face underneath one of my pillows I continued to feel the tears sprinkle all their way down my cheeks over the situation, wanting to just be dreaming instead of this actually to my sense of reality. I hated myself for it, more than I ever have before. But soon enough I heard the sound of my bedroom door opening, and as I turned over to see who it was I was to find Adrienne walking in once turning on the light. A look of sincere concern upon her set of lips as she walked to me, sitting down on the bed right beside me. “Thozi what’s just all of a sudden happened? I saw you running through the front room in tears, I was going to leave you to it but I couldn’t no matter how much I thought it would be the best of a thing to do.”