and it was perfect

Chapter 4

On my first free weekend, I decided it was time to go to another party. I finally caught up with my schedule, and I wanted to reward myself. Two frat houses had decided to throw a party together, and it would be huge. This time I decided to dress up more and threw on a tight sleeveless black dress with a turtleneck that accentuated my collarbones and chest. Back in Seattle, I never would've worn something like that. It felt uncomfortable, and I always felt like my thighs or butt were too big. I banned those insecure thoughts. Not tonight.

It was loud at that, party, way too loud. People were pressed against each other moving to the beat. I hated those kinds of parties and only ever attended them for Nate. He loved being the focus of attention; he'd make a great lawyer one day. Until this day, I never understood what he saw in an introvert like me. Maybe he simply couldn't handle another extrovert like him. But I'd only survive this evening by getting drunk. He wasn't even there yet, I had texted him a few times, but he still had to change and get ready after the gym. That had been forty minutes ago. I rolled my eyes and tried to focus back on Mia and me dancing. My drinks slowly started doing their work, and I began to loosen up a little. I felt someone close behind my back and turned around. It wasn't him, so I flinched back. I shook my head when I saw the tall drunk guy raising a brow. "Sorry, I have a boyfriend." I told him. He didn't seem to hear what I said and came closer. "I have a boyfriend." I repeated, this time louder and closer to his ear. He nodded and held up his hands. "Sorry." I gave him a polite smile, and he walked away. That's when I saw him. My incredibly handsome boyfriend ... looking incredibly mad. Fuck. I sighed internally and made my way over. So, it was going to be one of those nights. In the beginning, it was more of him joking around, complaining that guys are disgusting and way too horny even to leave taken girls alone. But then it had gotten out of hand. His jealousy was insane. I'd never entirely forgive him for kissing this girl for revenge, thinking I was hiding a fling with my neighbour. That I had tutored for two years. Ultimately, I forgave him, although it still made me sick. We had called things off for a few weeks, but then I had given in and taken him back. I loved him too much. Things had gotten much better after this, and until we graduated, he'd pulled himself together. But for the last couple of months ... he'd never make a scene in front of anybody; he'd never ruin that perfect image of his. But I'd definitely get to feel his anger as soon as we were alone. I had reached him now and gave him a short kiss that he didn't reply to. "It was nothing, okay? I told that guy I have a boyfriend, that's all." He clenched his jaw and didn't reply. A friend of his had seen us and came over. Immediately his face changed, and he put on a relaxed and happy smile. "Hey, what's up?" They greeted each other with a handshake. It was an awful evening. I fake smiled all night and tried to relax by drinking more. Great coping mechanism, Jenna. It wasn't until we finally left that he snapped.

As soon as we were out of the building and no one else was around, he dragged me towards the entrance where our Uber would be. "Nate, please ..." I started. He was dragging me way too hard. "Stop it, Jenna, I'm fucking furious." he hissed. I flinched. Just minutes ago, he'd been laughing with his friends. "I told you nothing happened." I gave back and looked down, not feeling comfortable enough to look into his angry eyes. "It's always nothing with you. But why do I have to walk in on you talking to random dudes all the time? It makes me sick. And what are you even wearing? You look like a slut!" I gasped and felt tears building up in my eyes. I did not look slutty, at all, and he knew that. While yes – I was wearing a crop top and a skirt - but so did anyone else, and I didn't show much cleavage or too much of my legs. But I was also no longer allowed to work out in my gym bra. I swallowed and made my way to the waiting car. Of course, he was all lovely and chatty again, talking to the driver. And he'd apologize in about an hour after taking a long shower or letting off some steam otherwise. But all the way back, I fought with my tears.

Nate had tried to call me ten times a day for the last couple of days and my crush on Aiden was getting ridiculous. Maybe I should start looking for alternatives to remind myself that there were other guys as well and finally break that cycle. So that I could finally focus back on myself as intended. I loosely combed through my hair and joined the others in Zoe's room. Alice and I had decided to come over for some pre-drinks before joining the party. I walked in, and Alice sat up. "Daaamn you look hot." She screamed, already sounding slightly drunk. She was so petite; two drinks and she had to be wasted. "Why, thank you." I said and slightly curtsied. "So do you guys. Zoe was only wearing a bra yet and her favorite black skirt, still sorting focused through her clothing racks.