and it was perfect

Chapter 39

For the next couple of days I barely saw him. He was either working, on campus or at Theo's and Dylan's place. I hated the look of his empty seat at the dining table, but I told myself to stay strong. He couldn't hide forever. I wouldn't move.

And he couldn't skip Zack's birthday. He'd decided to throw at party at our place, a rather rare occasion. We spent all day prepping the house and buying alcohol, Aiden doing his very best to never be alone with me in the same room. Our house was small, but Zack had a lot of friends - therefore it was packed.

I didn't leave Aiden out of sight all night, anxious to be confronted again with him and Reed or any other girl talking or even worse. He saw what I was doing and shot me annoyed looks, but I couldn't stop. Not after finally knowing he also did care about me. Thankfully he spent all evening with his guy friends. I didn't drink much all night, but the strong punch Zack had mixed still made me loosen up a little. Aiden was sitting at the dining table with a few guys for a while now, so I felt confident enough to join Zoe, Malaya and Steve dancing. The Hills came on, the first song him and I had ever danced together to. I smiled melancholically and wrapped my arms around Zoe. She was in a great mood tonight and did her best to cheer me up.

My phone kept vibrating when the next song came on, so I took it out of my back pocket. Four messages from an anonymous number. I stopped moving and took a step back, taking one deep shaking breath. Of course, I knew who it was. I felt my heart pounding faster. "What's wrong?" Zoe frowned, but I just shook my head. I couldn't say his name. I had been blessed with days of silence since our last call and my threats. And a small naive part of me had been hoping that it had worked. But there was only one way to find out. I braced my shoulders and opened the message with still shaking fingers. It couldn't be as bad. It just had to.

As soon as I did I gasped and bursted through the crowd towards the kitchen. Zoe called out my name and followed me, but all I could focus on was leaving this room as fast as possible. There were only two people in there who immediately escaped the room when they saw me. I grasped the corners of the kitchen sink and threw up. This couldn't be real. This couldn't be happening.

"Jen, what's going on?" Zoe worriedly gasped, immediately taking my hair and holding it back. I whimpered. "What's going on?" she pressed again, stroking my back and trying her best to calm me down. I simply nodded towards the phone next to me and started crying. She quickly put my
hair in a loose braid and grabbed it, followed by an disbelieving gasp. "That fucking bastard."

With shaking hands I splashed water into the sink and my face to clean everything up. I still felt sick and my knees were about to give in, but my stomach was empty now. How could he do this to me? How could the man I had loved be so cruel? "What's going on?" Aiden's came in and closed the door behind us. He couldn't cover the worry in his voice. I just sobbed again. Zoe was still staring at my phone, speechlessly rubbing her forehead. I buried my face in my hands and leaned down at the sink again. I couldn't face him.

"Zoe, what's going on? Is she okay?" he asked again, this time more impatiently. She had finally found her voice again and cleared her throat. "I don't think you should see that ..." - "Just give me the phone."
"Fuck off, that's way too private -" - "I couldn't care less." - "How about-" - "Just show him." I quietly fell in. I couldn't care less anymore and I knew he wouldn't take no as an answer anyway. "Are you sure??" Zoe asked me hesitantly, her voice surprised and filled with doubt. I couldn't blame her, but he had seen so much more of me before. "Just give it to me." he growled and took it out of her hands. Then he sucked in his breath.

He looked at a series of very explicit photos of me, followed by one simple message: You leak my video I'll leak yours. I had to cut him the tiniest bit of slack for at least making screenshots of somewhat aesthetic shots - my chest and lower body were always covered by his hands or body. But I could imagine what the rest of the video looked like.

Zoe wrapped her arms around me and made us sit down on the floor while I continuously sobbed. He was still speechless, staring at the screen. "I thought you said there wasn't anything he could use to get back at you." His voice was quiet, but the anger spilled out of it. I finally looked up at him and gave him a sad smile. "Do you think I had any idea he made a video? I haven't sent a single nude in my entire life." His jaw clenched, and his eyes were stern, but I could see his mind wander off for a second and so did mine. We both thought about the photos we had send each other - never showing our faces or actual nudes. He knew I was telling the truth.

"This is so fucked up, Jen. What kind of psycho makes porn without asking his girlfriend for consent?" Zoe growled and stroke my back. I laughed joylessly. "He's a lawyer, of course he thought every worst case scenario through." Aiden shook his head in disbelief. "There's gotta be a way." I could sense how he could barely cover his anger anymore. "I can't press charges anymore. He ruined that option. I can't have anyone see those shots." I whispered and angrily wiped the tears off my cheeks. "This is so low." Zoe furiously whispered. I shook my head. "He won." I secluded, defeatedly. And started crying again.

Aiden grabbed my phone so tightly his knuckles turned white. He blankly stared at me. Then he shook his head and put it down. "I gotta get out of here before I rip someone's head off. Zoe, take her upstairs." And with one last angry, but painful look at me he left the room.

Zoe and I stayed behind, her hugging me tightly while I tried to cry out all the frustration inside me. I couldn't blame Aiden for leaving. First of all those photos were disgusting and secondly he still cared about me - I wouldn't be surprised if he was outside getting rid of his frustration like he'd done with his toolbox back in the day. But I still wished he'd be the one holding me right now. Finally, Zoe took me upstairs and helped me clean myself up, then we sat down on her bed. We spent all evening trying to find solutions, interrupted by my cry sessions every other minute, but we always ended up at the same outcome.

Even if I pressed charges, he'd have someone else leak that video. If he went down, he'd sure as hell make me go down with him. There was no doubt. And he knew me well enough to know that I would never be strong enough to let him leak those photos. It would ruin my future, my reputation. Who would believe me that I hadn't known about him filming us? He wasn't dumb.

But what felt even worse than his blackmailing was the betrayal. I could tell by my hair colour and length how old that video must have been. He'd taken it as soon as he'd started abusing me. As insurance.