and it was perfect

Chapter 43

I didn't know how he managed to do so, but he somehow made sure our ways wouldn't cross all week. Another two weeks and he'd manage to avoid me all summer break. He left early in the morning and came back late at night. If he came back home at all. Whenever he didn't, I stayed up all night imagining what he was doing right now or who he was with. I felt sick and had no idea how to get through the finals. I could hardly stomach anything.

I had to fight so hard to get in shape in the last year. Now I easily dropped six pounds more. Gene and Rege basically fed me at lunch break, while Zoe did the same every night. I once read that after a heartbreak, you lose your appetite because it was one of the only things you had control over, while it felt that you had lost so much power over the rest of your life. Even if it wasn't true, it described me perfectly. Nothing felt important anymore, and I hated it.

You're able to attend a good college, Jenna. You're healthy (except for some awfully scarred feet), loved by your friends and family, and you've got your whole life ahead of you, I scolded myself. But I didn't have Aiden. And he was missing so badly. Every night I either dreamed of him or Nate. I wasn't sure which one was worse. Zoe didn't let me sleep alone all week. By the pitiful looks from the others every morning, I knew that they also heard me scream. My flat hunt for the next semester didn't go well, I secretly visited three rooms, but one was a literal dumpster, the other was rented by a terrifying guy, and the last went with another applicant. Great. I didn't want to tell Zoe or the others until I had found something for sure. I didn't want to stress her out for nothing. I knew she'd be very sad, but she would also understand.

On Thursday, it finally happened. I had locked myself in the library all day trying to study with Alice and couldn't wait to watch some stupid movies with Zoe and cry myself to sleep. My roommates were having dinner when I walked in. "Hey, Jen! You want some? "Josh pointed towards his plate of mac n cheese. My stomach cramped just thinking about it, and I quickly shook my head. "I already ate on campus, thanks." I laid down on the sofa to scroll through my phone. I didn't want to be alone just yet. Instead, I quietly followed their conversation. There was another party happening tonight.

"I guess we don't have to ask if you wanna come?" Zoe asked in a gingerly voice. I shook my head. Just the thought of many people or seeing Aiden with any other girl made me want to throw up. "Not really, thanks. But you should go." I tried to sound as demanding as possible. "I'll survive if you sneak into my bed a few hours later than usual. Both Josh and Zack grinned. I rolled my eyes. "That was low." Zoe boxed each of them. "Now, are you sure? "she asked, looking very uncertain. "I got two projects to finish. I promise I'll be fine." After convincing her, I went back to quietly scrolling through my phone.

Suddenly a thought crossed my mind, and my heart skipped a beat. Had he unfollowed me yet? With shaking hands, I opened Instagram. And relaxed. No, he hadn't. He had even watched Alice's story I had reposted of me desperately sucking on the straw of my coffee while reading the same paragraph for the twentieth time before showing the mess of all our markers, papers, and books. It looked like straight out of a really bad cliche college comedy, and we loved it. For some reason, I liked him still looking at my stuff, although I hated myself for it.

As if he knew I was thinking about him, I heard his car coming closer. Fuck. Even if I got up now, I wouldn't make it; I was way too slow with my wrecked feet. Zoe must have felt my panic and gave me a comforting smile. You got this, her brown eyes told me, and I desperately hoped she would be right. Then he walked in. "What's up? "he asked, tossing his keys inside the bowl. Josh gave him an answer I didn't even try to understand. I couldn't keep my eyes off him. He wore a muscle tee and shorts, his gym back on his shoulder. How could he look so ... fine? I swallowed hard and tried to look back down at my phone.