and it was perfect

Chapter 11

At some point, Zoe had enough of it. "Jen, you look like death. I know you don't wanna talk about what happened back home. But you know we're all here for you if you ever wanna talk." I gave her my best smile and nodded. "I know, thank you, I mean it. It's just ... a phase right now." She nodded but gave me a worried look while drinking another sip of her coffee. Gene tried to get through to me as well. And although it felt great to talk about Aiden with him back then, I couldn't bring myself to open up this time.

Then there it was: the night of the 31st of March. I wasn't sure what to do. Zoe begged me to leave my room and join them at a nearby party. All I wanted to do was hide under the covers all night and cry. But when she threatened to make Josh and Zack carry me out of bed, I finally gave in. Maybe I shouldn't be alone tonight. And the thought of alcohol to get me through the night sounded more and more appealing. Zoe squeaked excitedly and offered to lend me some of her clothes. I tried to smile but denied her offer. Yes, I was going. But I certainly wouldn't wear anything fancier than my Levi's and a tank.

Unfortunately, it turned out to be a frat party. It only took a few minutes to cross my eyes with Owen leaning in a doorframe, grinning, and holding up his bottle when he saw me. I gave him a neutral smile and returned to the bar. I didn't want to think about any guys tonight. I saw Aiden on the other side of the room looking at me, frowning as if he just saw the look I exchanged with Owen. Surprisingly there was no sight of Reed or any other girl. It seemed like he only hung out with his guy friends for once this time. I just shrugged and filled my glass with more Gin than usual. He was still watching me, a slightly worried look on his face now. I turned away. Showing he cared about me on the shittiest night of the year somehow bizarrely made sense.

I chugged my drink and returned to the others to start dancing. I felt sick. I'd hardly eaten today and could already feel the alcohol pumping through my veins. But it made focusing on the present much easier than thinking about Nate. My phone had been blowing up all day. He knew what day it was. I kept drinking and dancing and slowly felt myself loosen up a little. On my fourth time back at the bar, I heard a familiar voice next to me. "I think that's enough, Jenna." he quietly said. I looked up into his blue eyes. The worried look in his eyes was even stronger now. "You caring about me comes a little too late." I blurted out without thinking. He gave me a look I couldn't identify, and I turned back to my drink. "Jen ... you're going to get sick. Of course, I care about you." I didn't even try to hide my disbelief and just let out an annoyed breath. Then I looked at him, still getting a little lost in his blue eyes that seemed to pop even more in the blue-grey shirt he was wearing tonight. I pointed at his shirt and then his eyes. "You should wear that color more often." I commented and left him standing at the bar.
Back at Zoe's and Matt's, I started dancing even harder, trying to get lost in the music completely. I liked the current song and looked at the big TV to read its title.

That's when I saw the time. 0:25. My heart painfully skipped a beat. Immediately flashbacks started playing in front of my eyes. I quickly turned to Zoe and told her I'd use the bathroom. She nodded, completely distracted by Matt kissing her neck. I felt sick and had to get outside. I stumbled through the screen door close by and walked into the front yard. It was nearly empty, so I made my way to a tree, sat down and leaned against it. I looked up and did my best not to cry. My phone kept blowing up, so I turned it off and angrily tossed it away. I closed my eyes and started counting down from hundred to zero over and over again to calm myself down. My hands were shaking, so I put them under my thighs. How would I ever get over this?

Then I heard someone sitting down next to me. I didn't have to look up; I would have recognized his scent everywhere. "What are you doing here? Where's Reed?" I just weakly asked, still keeping my eyes shut. I could feel his eyes on me. "Reed and I called things off some weeks ago." I was too surprised to keep my eyes shut any longer. "But why?" I wouldn't have known. I started running after classes a month ago because I couldn't get out of bed in the morning. I wasn't aware if he was home at night or staying over at a girl's place. Aiden rolled his eyes. "I'm not here to talk about my sex life, Jen." Fair enough. I shrugged and closed my eyes again. He didn't say a word, but I could feel himself getting more comfortable under the tree. Why was he even here? He hadn't answered my question. And why did he have to do it the one night a year that I really wanted to be alone? "Thanks for your company. But I don't need it." He opened a bottle and lightly pushed it against my arm. "I know. But you do need some water." I groaned but took it; I really did feel sick.