and it was perfect

Chapter 28

I wasn't in the mood, at all. But I wouldn't say no. His mood was bad enough already. We'd come back home from his Dad's twenty minutes ago. It had been an awful evening. His parents had divorced ten years ago, but it was an ongoing fight. I loved Kirk, his new stepfather. But his Dad ... was difficult. Being a successful layer himself, he didn't accept any second bests. And as youthful and carefree as Nate usually seemed, at least in front of others, I knew how much he cared.

Every first Sunday each month we had dinner at his loft. The place itself would have been beautiful, if it didn't lack any hint of warmth. Dinner was no invitation, but a demand. Deborah, his new girlfriend would sip on her wine, I'd try to be as polite as possible but barely dared to open my mouth, and Nate would be tortured by his father's questions about his studies. No matter how hard he tried, and I knew how much he did, it was never enough. And as soon as his interrogation was over, he'd start blaming his mother for everything that went wrong in Nate's or his sisters life. Not that he said much negative about Mia anyway - he adored her. And as much as I loved my best friend and was happy for her being spared of this, it still hurt seeing her being treated so differently than her brother. Ray never pressured her into anything. She was an A+ student just like her older brother and had even skipped a class. At least he didn't make us three eat together, Nate loved her more than anything but I knew it wouldn't do good for their relationship.

"I'm fucking sick of it." He stepped out of the bathroom, trying to knot the towel around his waist, then frustratedly tossing it to the ground. I swallowed and looked up. I was tired, I'd spent most of the day at the café doing double shifts and was already laying under the covers.

Even furious, he looked amazing. Those narrow hips, followed by broad shoulders and dimples that even showed when he gritted his teeth just like now. He pulled back the blanket and laid down on top of me. "Make me forget that bastard." It was more of a demand than an actual question. He sounded so much like his Dad. I took a deep breath and braced myself, then I stroked over his hair and kissed him. His hand slid under my shirt and he pulled down my underwear.

On days like these he didn't spend much time with foreplay. If he was in a good mood he did, the sex was actually amazing then, but on days like these I was just glad if it didn't hurt. Five minutes later, it did. "Not as deep, please." I quietly said and tried not to flinch. "Come on it always hurts at the beginning." he gave back, slightly annoyed but caressing my neck. His groans got deeper and I tried to relax. But then I felt his hand sliding up my body and my stomach flipped. Then his hand was wrapped around my neck.

I didn't mind choking in general. After dating for a few years you had to get creative to keep up the spark and I did like it back when we tried it out. But not on nights like these, without a warning. He pressed me deep into the mattress and tightened his grip, letting go for a second before gripping it even harder. I tried to keep my heart rate under control with every minute passing. The slower it was, the less panic I'd have. The less oxygen I'd need. It was just a game. Was it rape if you'd allowed him first but then he overdid it? His thrusts got harder and one look into his eyes and I knew how much he loved this. To control me. Making me his. I hate you. I love you. I hate you. I sucked in a deep breath before he'd cut the oxygen again. It was too hard. I knew he thought about his father. I knew there would be bruises. I knew I had to focus to stay conscious. This wasn't just a game.

I didn't wake up until the cold water hit me. I gasped, taking in as much air as I could. I could breath again. I didn't think I screamed this time. But I could tell by the warm moist on my cheeks that combined with the cold that I was still crying. I looked up, he simply stood there with me, both in our drenched underwear, safely carrying me in his arms. Dark wet strands covered his forehead. This wasn't his job. All we had agreed on was sleeping with each other, yet here we were once again. He just blankly stared at the white tiles in front of us and I closed my eyes again and buried my face on his chest.