and it was perfect

Chapter 10

For the next two weeks, he went back to completely ignoring me. I met up with Gene a few times, Alice and Zoe visited me working at the café whenever Sarah wasn't there, and I even got a response to one of my applications as a babysitter. The Waltons, a young couple with a little four-year-old, needed a babysitter every other week for a date night. Perfect. We ended up meeting once, and it instantly clicked. Isobel was absolutely adorable, and I got the job. I was grateful for any extra money and distraction. Sometimes I went to the gym with Zack or Josh. I avoided the boxing room as much as possible. Aiden still stayed over at some girl's places during the week, probably Reeds, and every time I didn't see his car in the driveway at night, it broke my heart a little. But I still much rather focus on Aiden than Nate. Gene wasn't surprised by his behavior. "Just give him some time. At least he realized now that he cares about you. That's a huge step. Just don't take me back to your place; that would definitely throw him off." he said while I was lying on his bed in his dorm room. I rubbed my face. "Why do I always pick the complicated guys."

When I came back home that evening, the house was completely quiet. All cars were there, but I knew a huge party was again at one of the frat houses. Did those guys ever get tired of partying? Or ran out of money for all the booze? Probably not. I hadn't felt like going tonight and declined Zoe's proposal. Things between her and Matt had become increasingly serious, and I didn't want to be the third wheel; I wanted her to focus on him entirely. I knew she somewhat felt responsible for me, and while it was cute, I didn't want to be any burden. Meanwhile, I also didn't feel like staying in my room and decided to make myself a drink and maybe try face-timing my mum.

When I started to prepare my Gin Tonic, I heard some steps coming downstairs. It was Zack. "Oh hey, I didn't expect you here." I couldn't hide my surprise; Zack loved to party. He just shrugged and leaned against the counter. "Seems like we both didn't feel like it today, huh?" I just nodded and held up my glass. "Wanna join me?" We barely spent time together, only being the two of us, except for our gym sessions every now and then. But I always enjoyed his company. He grinned. "Sure." Then he hesitated for a second. "Do you know what you're doing there, though?" I acted playfully hurt. "Zacharias, I'm a Gin master. How dare you." He laughed, and we decided to sit outside. It was surprisingly mild tonight.

We ended up talking about everything and nothing. He really was a great guy. While sure, he wasn't much better than Aiden and spent a lot of time with different girls; he still seemed more ... caring than his best friend. He gave me a long look when I returned with our second drink and cuddled myself under the blanket. "How do you like it here so far? Like, for real?" This took me off guard, but I shouldn't be surprised – he really was the more sensitive one. Or at least the one who openly showed it. I took a deep sip from my glass and thought about his question. "I do like it here. But it's so different from my life back home, and I'm not gonna lie ... it's not easy to adjust." He nodded. "It never is. My ex and I broke up right before uni started. My whole world was upside down." I swallowed hard. Once again, I didn't expect his words. "That's one hundred percent me right now." His eyes were so understanding it made me tear up. I pulled myself together, though; I didn't want to scare him off.

"How did you get over it?" It made him laugh. "I don't know if that's any helpful, Jen." I raised my brow. "No, seriously, any help is highly appreciated." His wry grin made me realize what he meant, though. "Unfortunately, I don't think I should be the one helping you out here. But I heard Owen's free." He laughed when I rolled my eyes and lightly kicked him. "Alright, not so helpful." He shrugged. "Maybe not for everyone, no. But Aiden was right back then; I just had to remind myself there were still other girls out there." My heart skipped a beat. Of course, it was Aiden telling him to sleep around. "Why am I not surprised?"

He grinned. "He's not as bad as you think." Oh, Zack, if only you knew what I thought about him. I just shrugged. "I can't really tell, but I'll believe you. And I think I'll stick with making more friends first." He agreed and took another approving sip out of his glass. I wasn't kidding. Gin was my specialty. "Makes sense, but I think you're doing a pretty good job so far." I gave him a tiny sad smile. "I have like five friends, Zack. Nate and I had the same friend group. Who do you think got it?" He didn't look impressed and just shrugged again. "So, what. It's better to have a small circle now that you can count on. Why's everyone so worried about having lots of friends anyways? I don't get it." Good point. I knew he was right, but I still had to tease him. "Says the guy with like two thousand followers." He laughed and shook his head. "So what? I'd trade all my mates for Josh and Aiden, no problem."

"Why would you ever trade me, man?" That deep voice came out of nowhere, and I nearly choked. I wasn't facing the front yard, so I didn't see him walking over. He must be coming back from that party. Zack just laughed, and Aiden patted my back for a second to make it stop before walking toward the door. He barely touched me, but my heart still skipped a beat, as always. Why did he have to look at me so distant while he was so relaxed with Zack? "I just told Jenna that it's fine not to have a lot of friends." I knew Zack didn't mean bad, but him telling Aiden was absolutely embarrassing. I tried to make the best out of it, though. "I'll never spill my secrets again, Zack." I kicked him again but gave him a warm smile. At least his grin was apologizing. "Being popular is overrated. Night, guys." Aiden simply gave back and unlocked the door. I couldn't read his expression. At least he didn't stay at any girls tonight, but his ignorance still ruined my mood. Why couldn't he join us? I took another deep sip from my glass and tried my best not to think about him for the rest of the night.

In the third week, it was getting ridiculous. He talked to me at the dining table or in the kitchen whenever he had to, but he never looked me in the eyes. What made it even worse was how funny and kind he was towards the others. It had taken me a few weeks to realize that he actually seemed a really decent guy. He had his grumpy phases, and it was better just to leave him alone then. Plus, I felt like he never let anyone entirely behind his shield. But him being nice and not just the image of the fuckboy I had created in my head made me want him even more. His ignorance, his face after handing me the phone ... It all felt like a huge step back, and I was sick of it. I hoped that after the gym session, we were getting closer to at least be friends. But eventually ... I gave up.

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The midterms came up, and it was a welcome distraction. I hated studying and always did the bare minimum, but the classes were challenging, so in order to pass, at least, I had to focus. Having a study group with Alice and Sadie definitely helped. We spent hours in the library, and sometimes Gene joined us. But with the end of exams, spring started to happen. It hardly rained and got hotter every day. And with that, the 1st of April kept creeping closer. I knew it was just a date. It was no holiday and a day like every other for everyone but me. And it took its toll.

With every day passing, I slept worse. Every night I quietly cried myself to sleep. I lost my appetite and felt slowly distancing from my friends and roommates. I was still hanging out with them whenever they asked me to, and I did my best to put up a mask, laugh, and be funny. I didn't go out as often anymore, and whenever I did, I barely drank and showed zero interest in any guys hitting on me. That part of me felt frozen. My heart still skipped a beat whenever I saw Aiden, and when he once walked out of the bathroom only wearing a towel while I was on my way to go downstairs, I could still feel the spark. But that was it. He finally lost his attitude and stopped ignoring me, but we still weren't talking much. And I didn't mind. The thought of Nate was that much stronger.

The only thing I still stoically did was running and boxing. I made sure to go to the gym while Aiden was still at work so I wouldn't run into him. Sometimes when it took extra long to get rid of my frustration, I heard him coming in. Sometimes, he'd watch me for a few minutes, but we never spoke. Except for one day. I had once again forgotten the time and didn't even have to look up to know he was there. But this time, he didn't just watch me or do his own workout. I flinched when he was suddenly standing next to me. "Happy belated birthday or whatever." he quietly said, holding up a black pair of boxing gloves. I looked down at them, then up to his face again. It was one of his pairs. He had many of them, but I'd seen them laying around back home. They even had his Initials written on them. A.J.S. But they were new. I kept borrowing gloves from the gym instead of buying my own ones, although they sucked. I couldn't be bothered. Hell, I was glad if I remembered to buy groceries and shower. I didn't know what to say. He just looked at me with a plain expression, patiently waiting for me to take them. But I saw a hint of compassion in his eyes. "Thank you.", I said in a raspy voice and took them out of his hands. He nodded and left the room again. I stared at the closed door. I didn't know how to feel.