and it was perfect

Chapter 45

I had my answer. I didn't know how I had the strength to open the door and get out of his car. This felt worse than Nate. It felt worse than the times I got hit, yelled at, even spit at. It was nothing compared to the pain that felt like a heart attack. I wouldn't have been surprised if my heart just collapsed now. With shaking hands, I pulled up the unfamiliar keys, searching for the car key, and took one step after another toward Zacks's Renault. It was over.

I heard a loud cracking noise behind me and flinched. It sounded like Aiden had just smashed something. I didn't care anymore. So what if he was angry. It wasn't any of my business no more. I had nearly reached the car now. I wished I could've gone faster, but every step was followed with sharp pain.

But then - the car door swung open. "Don't go." I turned around. He couldn't look me in the eyes; he was way too busy with the inner fight going on within. He angrily slammed the backseat door. I flinched. "Please don't go." Then he finally looked up, and all of the walls were gone.

My heart painfully squeezed together. I felt like I was hallucinating. But there he was, looking absolutely broken and defeated. I couldn't help but think about the photo of him with his grandfather. Right now, he looked so much younger, just like the little boy. I just wanted to hug him and never see that look on his face again. But I was frozen.

He sat down and leaned his head against his tire, his deep blue eyes filled with so much pain. "I didn't sleep with her, J." My heart skipped a beat. I forgot how to breathe. He ... didn't? My mouth fell open. I slowly walked a few steps back and sat down a few feet apart from him. "You.. didn't?" I stuttered in disbelief. "But her clothes and ..." I couldn't finish the sentence, the image of his cold face still haunting me. He seemed to stare right through me. "I wanted to. I really did. I would've done anything to keep you away from me." My heart painfully squeezed together. "But I ... I also couldn't go through with it. In the end, I decided it was more than enough if you just thought I did." I gasped. I couldn't believe this.

He didn't do it, and a huge wave of relief started pulsating through me. He didn't sleep with her. He didn't just toss us away. I couldn't wrap my head around it; it was way too much to process. "But - why ... why would you lie to me?" I stuttered. He laughed bitterly. "Look at you. Look what I had done to you." His eyes pointed toward my bleeding feet. "When it hit you, that look on your face, and you just running through that glass to get away from me." He closed his eyes, but I had seen the pain rushing through them. "That's when I realized it was for the best. That's what I do, Jen. I hurt people, and I didn't want to hurt you even more."

I gasped again in disbelief. "You didn't tell me the truth or at least apologize because it was for the best?!" He looked up and nodded. "You didn't deserve this. Any of this. And I didn't deserve you, Jenna. I just don't. You're better off without me." He got up and unruly started walking around. I shook my head and got up as well. I couldn't believe what he just said, but I knew he just brought me a huge step closer to his reasons. The explanation of his fear.

I slowly got up, twitching a little when my foot hit the ground. "Why would you think that?" He shook his head. "I can't tell you this, Jen. You wouldn't understand." he whispered. No, he wouldn't keep me out this time. I limped towards him, and tilted his head towards me. He flinched back; he didn't want to look me in the eyes. My skin started burning as soon as my hand touched his face. I wanted to touch him more so badly, but I knew he couldn't handle it right now. "Just tell me, Aiden," I whispered, a tear running down my cheek. I bit my lip. "Tell me cause I can't think of a single thing you have done that would make you not deserve me. I was in a very dark place when I got here; I don't think you realize how bad it was. You gave me hope again, and you made me happy. So incredibly happy, Aiden. And I have trusted you with so many things. I'm begging you to trust me in return this time."