and it was perfect

Chapter 41

On Friday, there was another huge party. I really didn't want to go, but being there would still be better than staying home overthinking what Aiden would do and who he would talk to. This time I put on the lace bodysuit and my black Levi's. It was a petty gesture, but I wanted to see if he cared. I draped my hair in front of my chest so it wouldn't be too provoking.

We headed over for pre-drinks at Matt's and finally arrived at the party at 11. I scanned the room but once again couldn't find Aiden. Don't overthink it, I warned myself and headed to the bar. A cute guy helped me mix a cosmopolitan; his name was Sean.
I talked to him for a while, ensuring I wasn't too friendly, and he seemed to take the hint. I apologized and made my way to the others. They were in the huge white kitchen playing beer pong. Even Aiden had joined them.

My heart jumped for a second when I saw him. His muscle shirt showed more of his body than I was happy about, and I sure as hell wasn't the only one noticing. A group of blonde sorority girls in the corner made it more than obvious they were checking him out. I scoffed and turned around to get myself another drink. There was no way I'd survive this evening without getting wasted. I came back with my second drink and hugged Zoe from the back. She replied with a quick squeeze and focussed back on the game. "There you are. Where did you go?"

I shrugged. "Getting drunk." She laughed. Aiden looked up at us, and for a split second, his eyes locked with mine. They were cold as usual. Then his gaze dropped down at the rest of me, burning into the bodysuit, and he clenched his jar. He was mad. Well, at least it meant he still cared. Then he turned around and started talking to the blonde girls. I froze. No way. Please don't do this, I screamed internally and gripped my glass so hard I was surprised it didn't just burst. I turned around without another word. I would throw up if I watched for another second.

I found Zack at the bar pouring himself a drink. I grabbed his arm. "Would you please dance with me?" I asked, trying to blink back the tears behind my eyes. He gave me a surprised look but immediately pulled me closer to him and dragged me toward the others dancing. "What's going on, Jen?" he softly whispered, pulling me close to his chest. I shook my head. "Nothing." It sounded awful. He hugged me even tighter. "Who am I supposed to kill?" It made me laugh in pain.

"No one. It wouldn't help. He's - it's just too late." Now the tears started rolling down my face and I clenched my teeth and pressed my fists together to at least get rid of some of the pain I had been getting way to used to by now. Zack stroked the back of my head, and we continued moving a little, him mumbling some calming words. I didn't know how long we stood there, it must've been half an hour at least, but he finally calmed me down. Maybe it wasn't so bad after all, I told myself. Maybe he just talked to her to piss me off, but she was long gone by now. He wouldn't do this.

I finally let go of Zack's waist and gave him a grateful little smile. "Thanks, you're seriously the best." He gave me a worried but warm smile. "Any time, sweetie." I took a deep breath, and we left the dance floor. He asked me if he could do anything else, but I shook my head and told him I'd go find Zoe. He gave me one last hug and I felt his worried gaze following me as I made my way back through the crowd. There she was, sitting on the kitchen counter, a dark orange drink in her hand. I gave her my best smile and walked over, hoping my waterproof mascara had somehow survived my outburst. "Hey you, you just disappeared once again." Apparently it had. I nodded. "Yeah, it was too busy in here; I needed a break. I hung out with Zack for a while." I turned around so I could pull myself up on the counter just like she had done.

That's when I saw him. His hair all disheveled, the blonde girl in front of him buttoning her shirt, walking down the stairs that led to the upstairs bedrooms. I gasped. He couldn't have heard me but he must have seen me stare. Or maybe he even wanted to make sure I saw him. He looked me straight in the eyes. And all I could see was his cold hard face, raising a brow.

That's when I broke down. My glass slipped out of my hands, but I didn't even realize until Zoe screamed and got off the counter. All I could do was somehow grab the counter behind me so I wouldn't fall and hyperventilate, still staring at him. My hands, my legs, everything was shaking. I couldn't breathe. I reminded myself of his words the other night. Breathe in. Breathe out. It didn't help. My lips started shaking, and the tears spilled out of my eyes. We were still staring at each other as he continued to walk down, but then the girl turned her head to tell him something, and it broke our eye contact.

I had to get out of here. I felt sick. I took a step forward, and Zoe screamed again. "Don't step in there, Jen!" But it was too late. I stared down at my feet. They were covered in blood and the remainders of my drink. The glass had cut the skin on top of my feet when it hit my feet and bursted; now, I had stepped inside of it with the tiny sandals I had borrowed from Zoe and cut the side of it as well. I stared down and the blood coming out of it and some bigger and small shatters still stuck in it. I didn't feel a thing. I had to get out of here. Without a second thought, I stepped forward and made my way out of the screen door. Then I started running. I heard Zoe yelling at me and coming after me, but I didn't care. The shatters dug deeper into my flesh. It didn't hurt. I ran over the dirty grass and concrete without feeling a thing. All I felt was the pain inside my heart that felt worse than anything I'd ever experienced before.

After a few hundred meters, I finally stopped and crumbled on the floor. I couldn't see anything through all the tears and started sobbing uncontrollably. I was shaking so badly; I had no idea why my head didn't just fall off. Why did this hurt even more than my ex-boyfriend abusing me? Right, because I would've sworn on my life that this guy would never purposely hurt me. He'd promised. Not after everything I had told him. Not after everything he had done. I wanted to throw up. I just wanted it to stop. To forget. Everything. Then I heard Matt and Zoey's muffled voices through the blood rushing in my head and felt a hand on my shoulder.

I had no idea how they brought me to the hospital; everything was such a blur. I must have had another panic attack; at some point, I felt like I was choking. But all I saw was Aiden and his disheveled mess of hair, walking out of that bedroom and his cold eyes proofing that it was over for good.