The steady beeping filled the room. Nobody wanted to speak after I snapped.
"I'm sorry. I just hate seeing us all like this. We really took a hit this time. I guess I thought we were all unbreakable for some reason," I sighed. Everybody seemed to forgive me.
Gerard didn't end up waking up. We all left in frustration. The silence was even worse now. It filled the room and cut through us all like an invisible knife. We all just curled into our beds when we got back to the hotel. Staying in the same hotel for three weeks was weird, but none of us even acknowledged that. It was hard to be homesick when there wasn't anybody at home to miss. We were all here, and our best friend is dying.
Mikey climbed into bed with me. I didn't mind. It was just a normal part of our situation. After all, this situation was completely fucked. I tried listening to music to fill the deafening silence that was cutting into my brain like a knife, but every song that came on reminded me of Gerard.
I heard Frank's familiar ringtone. It was probably Donna again. She called everyday for an update since she couldn't really afford to come down and visit. We told her that visiting wasn't really necessary because it would just break Mikey even more to see her and have her leave him again to go home. I think having Donna and Donald here would just bring us all down even more anyway. After all, this is her son. That would just add another person for us to worry about. We were already overwhelmed.
To top it all off, the tension had become a bit much for Jamia and Frank. Their relationship was crumbling, and they both knew it. Neither one of them wanted to acknowledge or mention it though. That broke my heart. I didn't want to see Jamia and Frank end like Gerard and I did. They've already been together for almost three years. At least I knew one thing for sure; they wouldn't end as badly as Gerard and I did. Frank would never hurt Jamia.
"Be honest with me," I heard Mikey timidly say beside me. "Do you think he's gonna wake up?"
"I don't know, Mikey. All we can do is hope for the best," I sighed. Even I was starting to lose hope.
We barely slept that night. I didn't sleep at all. Mikey had another nightmare and woke up crying, so I stayed up with him to keep him company. "I'm gonna go make coffee. I'm not sleeping until you're asleep," I said. He laughed.
"You can sleep. I don't mind," he shrugged. I shook my head.
"Uh-uh. I probably won't be able to fall asleep anyway," I sighed.
'Then I'm getting food. I'm hungry," he laughed. He grabbed his glasses off of the bedside table (he took them off to sleep) and followed me to the kitchen. He grabbed some cookies we had bought from the counter while I made the coffee. Once the coffee was done, I grabbed my mug and took it back out to our room. Samantha shifted in the bed next to mine and Mikey's. I guess she was joining us. I set my coffee on my bedside table and climbed back into bed. Mikey ate the cookies quietly as I watched Samantha sit up.
"It's three o'clock in the morning. Why do I smell coffee?" she asked.
"We can't sleep," I said as I sipped my coffee and set it back down.
Samantha stayed up with us and we didn't end up falling asleep until six o'clock in the morning. We slept til almost noon before the others came out. We all looked just as broken as usual. Tired, worn-out, run-down, broken and depressed were the only words I could think of to describe us. We all knew this meant it was hospital time. We got up and took turns going into the bathrooms to get ready again. None of us even bothered with makeup or hair. All we did was put clothes on. We walked to the hospital and followed the usual routine just like every other day.
Only today wasn't like every other day.
Because today was the day I lost it all.
