"Are you kidding me? You signed a contract, kid. There's no way out of it. I've already given you your way with the bus situation. Not this time," Dave scoffed. I felt more tears coming.
"P-please. I can't stay here," I said quietly.
"I'm sorry, Lillian, but the answer is no," he said. I was about to protest but the line went dead. He had hung up. I peeked into the area of the bus where the bunks were to make sure the rest of the girls weren't still standing by my bunk. When I caught no sight of them, I made a run for my bunk and climbed in quickly. I shut the curtains and began to bawl again. So I was stuck here with my boyfriend who deserves so much better than me. He doesn't even love you replayed repeatedly in my head. Mikey was right. Why would he love me? I'm disgusting. I don't care about Dave's wishes. I need to tell Gerard I'm leaving.
I pulled myself out of my bunk and my legs ached from being pulled up to my chest for so long. I wiped my tears and slowly walked towards the seating area. Everybody else was in there, but it seemed to be silent. That is, until they saw me with my runny makeup and my red, puffy eyes. I must have looked like a corpse. A panicked chorus of 'what happened?' filled the room. I held up my hand to silence them.
"Gerard, can we talk?" I asked. He looked worried at my cold tone, but he nodded and followed me. We sat down at the table in our small little dining area.
"What's wrong, baby? Why have you been crying?" he asked, sounding worried about me. He wiped a stray tear off of my cheek and it took every ounce of willpower in my body not to hug him and cry into his chest right there. I needed to be strong. I needed to leave him. It was better for him.
"I... I'm leaving," I muttered.
"What do you mean?" he asked curiously.
"I'm going home, Gerard. I... Um... I think we should break up. It's better for you," I said. I felt a stray tear make it's way down my face but I wiped it away before he could notice. I couldn't let him know I still loved him. I didn't want him to miss me. He deserves to move on.
"You what?" he asked, sounding angry. I flinched a little bit at his harsh tone.
"P-please don't yell at me," I whispered barely audibly.
"I didn't even do anything to you this time! I even stayed sober! What more do you want?" he said, ignoring my plea for him to stop yelling.
"It's nothing against you. I just think you deserve better," I admitted, but my tone was too quiet from the large lump that had formed in my throat. He didn't hear me.
"Just leave. If you're going to be a bitch and just give up on us, I don't need you," he said, raising his voice even louder than before. I tried to explain myself three times, but he either ignored or interrupted me. The yelling was really starting to scare me.
"I-I'm sorry," I finally whimpered in a failed attempt to calm him down.
"Just shut the fuck up, okay? If you're going to leave, leave. I don't want you here," he yelled once more. He started to walk closer to me and I took a few steps back. He slammed his fist down on the table and I let out a little whimper and ran back to my bunk. I was shaking now. All of the yelling was too much for me. To top it all off, I actually thought he was going to hit me again in that moment. I shook with fear and sobbed loudly. I heard footsteps outside my bunk and prayed that they would just keep moving. Luckily for me, they did. I continued sobbing for a while before I heard more footsteps. This time, they were definitely headed towards me. I saw a sliver of light seep into my bunk before the entire curtain was pulled back. I whimpered and started crying again as I saw Gerard standing there.
