A month passed, and Gerard was finally coming home from rehab. Frank and Ray say he's doing better than ever, but he's still a little big fragile. They wanted me to talk to him one-on-one today, but they warned me not to get him worked up. At first I said no, but after tons of begging and pleading, I agreed to it. Frank said we were meeting in public so that there's less of a chance we'll start fighting. We met at a small restaurant in town. It was a cute little place. Gerard had already spent a bit of time with his family before we came here, so we wouldn't have to worry about that. I took a deep breath and walked into the restaurant. I looked around for him for a moment before I noticed him smile widely and wave at me. I giggled slightly and walked over to the table where he was sitting. I sat down across from him.
"Hey," he said quietly.
"Hello," I muttered. We both sat there in an awkward silence.
"Y-you... Um... You look nice," he said. Over the past month, I had gotten my hair cut and dyed again. My hair went to just above my shoulders. It was dyed blue again instead of purple. It was a really bright blue instead of the deep dark blue I got back when we were sixteen. It was almost neon.
"Thanks," I muttered, hoping the blush that was now covering my cheeks wasn't too obvious. "You look great too," I complimented. His hair was cut super short and dyed white. It was definitely different than the Gerard I was used to seeing, but it was still a good look for him.
"You like it? Good. It's just something I did for the new album. I'm glad you like it though," he shrugged.
"Yeah. It looks great," I said quietly, smiling slightly.
"How's everybody doing? I haven't talked to the girls in ages," he said.
"They're great. They've been living with Samantha and I to keep my company while you were away. I kinda missed you," I admitted. He chuckled.
"I kinda missed you too," he laughed. Seeing him smile again was enough to make me happy. I loved the way his hazel eyes lit up and his small teeth showed. I loved his smile. We went silent for a while.
"I really did miss you. I'm sorry for whatever I did while I was going through that. I honestly don't even remember what I did," he admitted sadly.
"Gerard, it's fine. I understand," I said, smiling warmly.
"Thank you, Lily," he said happily.
"It's no problem, Gee. Why would I forgive you? I lo-" I stopped. "I missed you too much to stay mad at you," I recovered quickly. Although, it must not have been quick enough, because he looked into my eyes sadly.
*~Gerard's P.O.V~*
My heart sank as I heard Lily stop herself from saying she loves me. I wish I could remember what I did to make her stop trusting me. I asked the guys, but they said they couldn't tell me that. They said it would only hurt me. I could tell it was something bad. I could see it in Lily's eyes. She used to look at me with nothing but love. Now all I saw behind her eyes was pain and fear. It wasn't love anymore. That broke my heart.
"Well, it's nice seeing you again. That's for sure," I said.
"It is nice. I'm glad to see you doing better. I was really worried about you," she smiled.
"Yeah. I wish I could remember what I did to you," I sighed.
"Gerard, that's in the past. There's no need to come back to it now," she scolded.
"But I hurt you! I know I did, because you don't love me anymore!" I raised my voice.
"Gerard..." she said softly. I calmed myself down.
"I'm sorry. I j-just miss you I guess," I murmured timidly.
"I miss you too, Gerard, but I don't want to rush into it this time. I-I just don't wanna get hurt again," she mumbled.
"But I won't hurt you. I promise. I'm better now," I protested.
"I know you're better. But I still don't want to risk getting hurt. I'm sorry, Gee."
"I... I understand," I gave in. The doctors told me not to get worked up, so I couldn't fight her on this. I didn't want to fight her anyway. I know it scares her when I yell. I can't scare her this time. I want her to trust me. "What can I do to make you trust me again?"
"It's gonna take time," she responded sadly.
"I understand. I'm really sorry for whatever I did," I sighed.
"It's fine, Gerard. It's just gonna take me a while to get that image of you out of my head."
"So you still see me as that monster I was back then?" I asked curiously.
"Well, no. I don't see you as that anymore. It's obvious you've changed. But I still get flashbacks to when you were that monster," she admitted timidly.
"What did I do?" I asked.
"You know I can't tell you that," she said, taking a deep shaky breath. She must be having another flashback. If it was bad enough to give her bad flashbacks, I wasn't sure I even wanted to know.
"My therapist says it's alright for me to see you more often again, so I hope we can at least try to be friends again. I'd hate to lose you all the way."
"I'd like that very much," she smiled.
"I think I should get going," I mumbled after more silence.
"Yeah, me too. It was nice seeing you again, Gerard. I look forward to being friends again," she said happily. I sighed quietly and faked a smile. "You can come over whenever you want, by the way," she said.
"Thanks," I said. She gave me a quick friendly hug and I really wanted to kiss her, but I held myself back. Her red, shiny lips seemed to be calling to me. I've missed feeling her lips against mine. I missed the sparks and the butterflies I felt every single time we kissed. I missed having Lily as mine.
"Well, bye then," she said awkwardly, breaking me out of my thoughts. She must have noticed me staring at her lips.
"Bye," I said, blushing. Then she walked away.
I watched from the window as she drove away, then I left too. God, I miss her.
When I got home I unpacked the rest of the stuff I had brought to rehab with me. I came across a bunch of photos of Lily and I that Frank had taken so I would be able to have a good memory with her. I saw one photo from when we were sixteen. It was that night the guys first spent the night with us. Lily and I were completely snuggled together while we slept. The rest were from tour. One of us snuggled up in her bunk, one from when she had fallen asleep with her head on my shoulder, and another from when I had fallen asleep on her. I didn't even know the guys took these pictures until Frank gave them to me. Sneaky fuckers. The last picture in the bundle was that photo Lily and I had taken for MySpace. The one of us kissing. That was my favorite because that was the last time I ever kissed her.
I miss her hugs. Not the friendly kind like she gave me today. No, I mean the way she used to hug me. It was warm and gentle and loving, unlike today's, which was just friendly.
I miss the way we used to cuddle. She'd sleep on my chest and I'd protectively wrap my arms around her as she snuggled into me.
I miss the way we used to kiss. Our lips fit together like long-lost pieces of a puzzle. Her lips were soft and smooth in contrast to my dry, chapped ones. I felt butterflies every single time her lips met mine. I always felt the sparks just like the first time we kissed.
I miss the way we'd talk. We'd have long conversations about nothing in particular. We just enjoyed each other's company. I love the way she talks. I love how she talks so quietly when she's nervous or awkward. I love how she starts rambling and her speech speeds up when she's panicked or passionate about something.
I missed being able to hold her and kiss her and talk to her whenever I want.
I miss her.
I sighed and climbed into bed. Just then, my cell phone went off with a text message. It was from a number I knew very well.
This could be interesting.
