A Rose for Heaven

Chapter 10: Mental Health Awareness

Tulala akong napatingin kay Dome, hindi makapaniwala sa salitang tinuran niya. 

Hinarap ko siya at pinandilatan.  "Ano bang sinasabi mo diyan! You are so jejemon!" Inis kong sabi sa kaniya. But instead, he just smirk at me in amusement. I learnt the word from one of his friends noong minsang pumunta sila sa flower farm ni Lola.

"Cute mo." He utter making me gasp in disbelief.

"Stop playing around, Dome!" I hissed and look at the girl beside him.

"Am I?" He bit his lower lip to prevent himself from smirking even more.

Nakalimutan niya bang nandiyan lang ang girlfriend niya? I thought he's a good guy but turns out he's a walking red flag.

Nang dahil sa sobra kong inis, parang may sariling isip ang mga mata kong irapan siya. Iniwan ko na silang dalawa dahil kunti nalang at malalaglag na 'tong luha ko.

Narinig kong tinawag niya ang pangalan ko ngunit hindi na ako lumingon at naglakad na lang pabalik kina Mama at Lola. Mabuti na lang at nag-aya nang umuwi si Lola.

Nang makarating kami sa bahay ay agad na nagpamasahe si Lola kay Ate Baby isa sa mga kasambahay. Ako naman ay nagtungo sa jar ni Aster sa pangalawang palapag.

"Hi, Aster, kumusta ka diyan?" I ask at her as I lighted a candle beside her ashes.

"Alam mo ba I'm now taking a step. Actually it's not really a step, just a tiptoe." A smile made a way to my lips. 

"I hope you're happy up there. Kahit mabagal sisiguraduhin ko namang darating din ako doon." Biglang bumigat ang pakiramdam ko noong maalala ko si Dome. 

"You know what, Aster? I met a guy. He takes care of me, he respects me so much, and also he give the things that we are so hungry before. He gaves me so much of his time and attention. Pero sobrang sakit dito." I pointed where my heart is.

Suddenly a tear left my eyes.

"I was hurt nang malaman kong trabaho niya palang alagaan ako na he was just ordered to do those things to me." A sob escape from my lips. "Bakit nasasaktan ako, Aster? D-Diba.. diba dapat thankful ako kasi his doing his job right?" Pinahiran ko ang mga butil ng luhang bumabasa sa pisngi ko. "Pero bakit gan'to? Ang bigat ng pakiramdam."

I have a lot of questions in my head. I can't sort out my mind and emotions. I'm behaving badly. Kapag masiyado akong nag-iisip it always end up na kasalanan ko na naman.

"I know what you feel, anak." Nagulat ako ng marinig ko ang boses ni Mama.

I turn to her and empathy is all I could see in her face.

"You love Dome, that's why this hurt." Aniya, tinuro ang bandang puso ko.

"If this is love then why does this hurt?" I held my mother's hand that is pointing towards my chest. I'm so ignorant for this so called love that I have to ask my mother such question.

"I don't know." Nagkibit balikat siya at ngumiti rin sa'kin. "But you know what, Heaven?"

Tumitig ako sa kaniyang mga mata at nakita ko ang sari-saring emosyong naglalaro roon. Love, sadness, and pain.

"It isn't love if it doesn't hurt." Kuminang ang mata ni Mama dahil sa luhang namuo. "But don't let that pain abuse you. Kasi kung puro na lang sakit ang nararamdaman mo at wala ng pagmamahal at saya kailangan mo ng bumitaw." 

Napatingin ako sa luha ni Mama na marahang naglandas sa kaniyang pisngi.

"Because it will only lock you in sadness like how your father build a huge cage for me."