Murder Drones Stories/Oneshots

Five Stages of Grief- Part 3: Bargaining

This is part three of a five part short story following N, and it's pretty angsty. This story deals with themes of abuse, self harm, suicidal thoughts, homophobia, etc.- so it's understandable if you want to skip this one.
This story is a take on why N is such a people pleaser, and puts up with how his teammates treat him, also he's roughly a young teenager in the memory bits. (9-10th grade age in memories and 18 outside of the memories on Copper-9 taking place after episode 2.)
These memories would take place before any of the episodes, and N has a family but is in school/training to become a worker away from his family. Disregard the fact it doesn't make sense for him to have a family, considering families of workers were only a thing after humans were wiped out on Copper-9. Memories will be separate from the present, so don't worry about telling the bits apart. <3

Proofread ✖

"No, mom! Wait, please!" N begged, tears streaming down his face. 

His mom raised her hand again, and he flinched. He shut his eyes tight and felt the blow strike the side of his head, sending him to the ground. The apartment floor was grime covered and it was cold. He felt like he belonged here, crying on the floor in pain. He wasn't sure if the pain of being hit or the implications of someone supposed to love him hitting him hurt worse.

Either way, it hurt.

It hurt so much. It really shouldn't hurt this much anymore. He should have been able to see this coming, but every time it hurt like the first time. He always managed to convince himself that she cared and had changed, so it hurt more and more every time his hopes were broken. He was just weak, then. His mother was right. Weak, weak, weak.

"No, N. I took you out of that track for a reason, damn it! I told you V was a bad influence, and yet you still tried to hang out with her. When I found out that she was dating J I told you that I didn't want you anywhere near that- that lesbian." His mother choked out the word and N flinched back, curling in on himself. She was just looking out for him. He was just too useless to see it. The carpet was no where near comfortable or comforting, but his head was spinning too much to stand right now, so he stayed there as she yelled. 

His mom scoffed, nudging him hard in the ribs with her foot. "You know that just isn't natural, N." Then she turned and walked down the hall to her room, slamming the door behind her. He stayed on the carpet, breathing in the smell of mold and mildew. Sometimes that smell was the only constant in his life. Pain, then the smell of decaying carpet. Rinse and repeat. 

Maybe she was just looking out for him. Maybe she knew he liked V, and really was just trying to keep him from getting hurt. Maybe-

Maybe she still loved him? Maybe he was just messing things up for himself. Yeah, that sounded right. He had asked her to put him back in the track with V, and it was a stupid request. So stupid, stupid, stupid. His mom was right to hit him. He should have learned his lesson. She was only trying to help. 

N sobbed quietly, shaking on the carpet of the lonely apartment. A message pinged in his chat-box from V, but he didn't answer. If he just stayed away from V and listened, then his mom would love him. Then he would be okay.

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Oil stained his mouth as he looked around frantically, the familiar smell of rotting carpet clouding his senses even though there was only snow around. He was a whole solar system away from his mother, and he wasn't a scared sixteen year-old anymore. 

N took a shaky breath, rubbing his face with a scared laugh. He was falling apart again. He hadn't dreamed of that memory in a while. He had managed to block it out for so long, but it had decided to resurface now for some reason. He hated it. He wished he could delete every unkind word and bit of pain.