More Than My Own Life (Twilight Fanfiction)

Lost Faith

The first half of the day passed by without much drama. I got the usual side glances and whispers as I walked, and one girl shoved me with her shoulder as I passed by her in the hall. It wasn't as bad as some of the mornings, where I'd be shoved around or circled by a group of people who wanted nothing more than to tell me how much they hated me.

At lunch, I sat where I usually did. In a corner near the fire exit, away from most people. At this school, you never have an empty table. So, I learned early on to sit next to the students that were considered... Well... Not Normal. I wasn't friends with the boy trying to make a clone or the girl who wore a green mohawk, but they didn't judge me. Or, if they did, they didn't ever say anything about it.

Because I lived in the orphanage, I got free school lunches. I got nachos everyday because they were the shortest line. Self-serve always is. I looked around the cafeteria and noticed the kids I'd seen in the office earlier had claimed their very own table in the far corner. I wondered how they had managed to avoid sitting by other students. I wished I knew how to do that. They were looking around the room, seemingly searching for someone. Maybe they were looking for me.

I shook my head at the thought as I silently scolded myself. Why would they be looking for you? The only reason they were staring at you this morning is because you are such a freak! Everyone stares at you Renesmee, what would make these people any different? I had learned that they were the "Cullen siblings" earlier in the day. They were the talk of the school. I didn't have them in any of my classes, but the girl who sits in front of me in Spanish did. She wouldn't shut up about Emmett, though I don't know which boy he was. She spent almost the full period talking to her friend about how cute he was. I assumed he was the boy with darker, copper skin and black hair. He was definitely the most attractive of the group, though they all looked like models.

The Cullens continue to gaze around the lunch room. Suddenly I became scared as I realized that maybe they were looking for me. Maybe one of my many bullies had filled them in on how fun I was to mess with. How I was an orphan, and they could say or do anything they wanted to me, because I had no parents to come to my defense. 

 Well, they wouldn't find me. No one could ever find my seat in the lunchroom.  The girl's mohawk was tall, and I had learned that if I sat behind her, no one else in the cafeteria could see me. After years of practice, I think I was finally beginning to master the skill of not being seen, which is way harder than you would expect.

When the bell rang, I knew I had to get to my next class. This was the worst part of the day, walking through the hallways filled with other students while there were no teachers or adults around. No protection from the monsters- I mean students, who constantly harassed me. I walk to the middle of the lunch room, where the garbage cans were, and threw away my cardboard tray.

All of the Cullens were still at the table, but not looking my way. They were looking to the left, watching the students stream out of the lunch room and into the hallways. I realize that I would have to walk past them. I walked to their right, hoping they wouldn't notice me. And they probably wouldn't have, if I didn't have so many enemies.

As I passed the Cullens table, Kaylee came up behind me and pushed me. I was thrown back into Cullen's table and my hand landed on the blonde girls pizza as I reached out to catch myself. God, why hadn't she eaten that? I felt my face grow hot as I pulled my hand off of her tray quickly. My palm was covered in tomato sauce.

Now, the Cullens and the other boy were staring at me with awed expressions. That was far different from the disgusted and entitled way people usually looked at me. I didn't have much time to wonder about it before Kaylee stepped back up to me. She was a few inches taller than me, since she was a few years older. She was on the high school floor with me at the orphanage... And hadn't eaten last night due to my detention.

"Where you going, Loch Ness?" She raised her eyebrows at me. Her non identical clones, Caitlin and Ashley, came up behind her. They were also from the orphanage. I kept my head down and began to walk away. Kaylee wasn't about to let that happen. Her hand shot out, and she gripped my arm tightly as she pulled me back, snatching my necklace off of my throat. 

No.

 Without thinking about the consequences, I lunged at her, as I screamed, "give it back!!!" But she held it out of my reach and just laughed at me. "Why do you even keep this piece of rust anyway?" She held it away from her mock disgust before bringing it closer to her face, squinting at it. Then she laughed. "Really? That's what this say? More than my own life? You don't actually believe that, do you" Crap, I forgot that she took French. I didn't make eye contact, hoping she wouldn't notice the tears in my eyes. She grabbed the collar of my shirt and  pulled me closer. I could smell her perfume, which I knew the orphanage didn't supply, so she must have gotten it from one her rich friends. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed the Cullens seemed to stiffen, but one boy began to shake. The brunette girl stood up, looking ready to say something. Probably add on to the insults coming at me.

She didn't have the chance, though. Kaylee threw my necklace at my chest and I wrapped my hands around it. She told me slowly, pronouncing each word carefully, "You are not worth anything, Renesmee. The person who gave you that necklace didn't care about you. They lied about a lot of things, didn't they, honey?" And with those cruel words she walked away.

I glanced up at the Cullens, embarrassed that they had witnessed my shame so soon after they arrived at the school. They were all staring at me in shock. Maybe nobody had told them that I was the official school punching bag, and they were confused by the way I had been treated. Or, more likely, they wondered why Kaylee hadn't hit me. She usually did.

 One of the boys stood up. He had wild blonde hair that seemed to have just a tint of red in it. The brunette next to him released his hand as he walked around the table. He stopped in front of me. I kept my eyes on my shoes, my cheeks burning as mortification spread through me.

"Are you alright?" He spoke the words so kindly that I looked up at him. His eyes were on my face, concerned and gentle. I simply nodded and walked away. It almost hurt me physically to walk away from someone offering comfort. I never got that, ever.

Though tears still burned my eyes, I didn't let them fall. I never let them fall. After all these years, I have taught myself how not to cry. Crying is a weakness I refuse to have. My reactions are the one thing in my life that I can control. I had to remind myself of why exactly I was walking away from this boy who actually seemed to care.

He will act nice at first. They all do. But that will change. No one likes me and no one is nice to me. Any friends I had ever made quickly began to avoid me when my bullies targeted them too. He will be no different. None of them will be.

That's the problem with the foster system. That's the problem with life. When one person calls you a freak, worthless, stupid... You lose faith in the foster system. But when everyone calls you those things... You lose faith in yourself.