More Than My Own Life (Twilight Fanfiction)

His Pain

I couldn't remember a time when I had gotten a better night's sleep. I still dreamed. But for the most part, that was all they were. Dreams. Not horrifying nightmares. Actually, they were memories. Despite the many traumas that I had faced, the majority of these memories weren't awful. For once, I wasn't plagues the entire night by my inner demons.

I dreamed of the day I had first woken up in the hospital after being found in the woods. There had been a Doctor, who I could now recognize as someone who specialized in children's mental health. At the time, I had just called him "Dr. Curly". Despite the fear I felt at my new environment and lack of memories, I laughed with him as he put a puppet on his hand and started talking to me with it. The puppet's name was Squiggles.

I dreamed of the first time I lost a tooth in a foster home. Though my foster parents were awful, I was relying on the unconditional love and magic of the Toothfairy to come through for me. When I woke up the next morning, I found a shiny quarter under my pillow. It wouldn't be until years later that I would realize it was my foster sister who had placed the coin there.

I dreamed of the night I ran away from an abusive home. It was a strangely happy memory. The home I was running from was filled with pain and anger. The future I was running towards was filled with uncertainty, and no promise of a better life. But on that summer night, as I sat next to a stream and picked at the petals of a flower, I experienced a real sense of freedom for the first time. And that feeling was one that I would hold onto for years to come, even after the police picked me up from the side of the road the very next day. 

And then there was a different dream... a strange dream. It played out like a memory, just like all of my previous dreams. And yet it wasn't one that I recognized. I was running through the woods, putting my hand out to catch snowflakes as they fell from the sky. There was a light in the distance, a dim glow that filled my chest with happiness. It took me a moment to recognize what the feeling was. It was an overwhelming sense of comfort and safety. I was home as I skipped into the house. The Cullen's house.

There was a huge Christmas tree by the window. Lights decorated the interior of the house. Presents were piled at the base of the tree. I grinned, knowing that most of them were for me. 

"He came! Santa came!" 

The happy memory was suddenly distorted. It was a strange and sudden transition, as most dreams tend to be. The world blurred for a moment, and the Christmas tree in front of me suddenly seemed darker, less cheerful. "Renesmee!" 

The voice in my dream was so loud and angry that my eyes flew open. For a second, I was confused as I took in my surroundings. I was still in bed. Jake's arms were still around me, making me clammy from his heat. The laptop was still open, so he must have fallen asleep during the movie, too.

"Renesmee!" I jumped, my eyes snapping up in shock as the voice was no longer confined to my dream world. One of my old foster Mothers stood across the room, glaring at me. No. Not at me. At someone else. I followed her gaze and felt my jaw drop. It was me. A younger version of me. But me, nonetheless. Standing right beside the bed. 

Shoot. It was my power again. It was bringing my dreams, my thoughts, to reality. I wanted to stop. I wanted to clamp down on my mind the way that I knew I could. But for some reason, I couldn't bring myself to. All I could do was watch in horror as my own memory unfolded before me. I felt Jacob's arms tighten around me, and I knew that he was awake now, watching with me.  

"Renesmee!" My foster Mother growled again, now advancing upon the smaller version of me. I cowered further into Jacob's chest, despite knowing that the visions I created couldn't actually hurt me.