More Than My Own Life (Twilight Fanfiction)

Crazy Homework

I glared at the papers in front of me, furious. Everybody was still downstairs having a good time, though I couldn't hear them through the thick door of the study. I leaned back in the wooden chair, raising my eyebrows at Carlisle. 

He smiled down at me patiently. "I know that you do not know how to read, Renesmee. But I would like to see what you do know. So rather than you writing down the answers, I will read the questions to you and I would like for you to verbally answer them." Though I was still angry about Carlisle insisting that I be homeschooled, I clearly had no choice in the matter. He had turned the large study into a room fit for schooling. There was now a desk in the center of the room, with two chairs, one of which  I was currently sitting. He had wheeled over his huge chalkboard, and written the alphabet on it. Carlisle had also put a map on the wall, which I assumed was a world map, since it was not in the shape of America. 

Most daunting of all, books were lining the shelf closest to me. Of course, the room was basically a library, so books were not out of the ordinary. But these books were thick and colorful. Textbooks, clearly meant for me. I started to bite my nail nervously as Carlisle began listing off questions. Though I was sure that the questions were all very basic mathematics, history, and science, I felt my cheeks burning as I answered with "I don't know" over and over. Tears blurred my vision, and I tried to casually swipe sleeve over my eyes to keep them from falling.  

Of course, Carlisle noticed. Instead of just ignoring my tears as I hoped, he stopped asking questions and kneeled down next to me. I looked away quickly, growing more embarrassed as he came down to my level. It was now impossible for me to hide my distress, and I felt my chest tighten. Knowing that I was caught anyway, I buried my face in my hands. At least this way he couldn't watch my face as I fell apart. 

I felt Carlisle rest a hand on my shoulder and I stiffened, preparing myself for the claustrophobia I would feel if he pulled me into a hug. He didn't. He kept his hand firmly on my shoulder and began talking to me gently. "Everything is alright, Renesmee. This isn't a test. These really are just questions that let me know where we need to start teaching you. They're not even important. Everything is fine." I kept my face hidden as my breath stuttered. I was trying to hard to keep from sobbing as humiliation overtook me.

After almost a full minute of me being unable to calm down, Carlisle asked, "Are you able to catch your breath?" I shrugged, not wanting to admit that I couldn't. Carlisle moved his hand slightly, rubbing small circles on my upper back. "Renesmee? Listen to me, Darling. Can you do that?" I nodded stiffly. Appeased with my response, Carlisle ordered, "Take a deep breath in for five seconds." I did as instructed, and Carlisle patted me gently. "Good. Now hold it for three seconds. Now breath out slowly." After doing this a couple of times, I felt myself relax. I was finally able to wipe my face and look up. I sniffed as Carlisle smiled and handed me a tissue. 

For several minutes, we sat in silence. Carlisle looked very comfortable, but I was still tense and embarrassed. Finally, Carlisle told me, "That was a breathing exercise. It helps to relax you. I generally use it on patients to help them fall asleep without the use of drugs, but I find it also works well to calm anxiety." I just nodded. Realizing that I would be of no help carrying the conversation, Carlisle continued, "I am sorry that I did not realize how anxious you were becoming. That same breathing exercise can be used not only to rid yourself of panic attacks, but it can be quite helpful to prevent them before they start." I nodded again, rubbing at my cheeks. They always felt so dry after I cried. 

Carlisle walked around to sit at the chair across from me at the table. He leaned back, watching me with his arms crossed. "I meant what I said, Renesmee." I glanced up at him, not sure what he was talking about. Seeing my look, he clarified, "The questions that I am asking you. They aren't important. I'm not testing you or judging you in any way. I really am just trying to see where we need to start." I stared at him, looking for any sign that he was lying. There didn't seem to be any indication that he was.