More Than My Own Life (Twilight Fanfiction)

Double The Price

Renesmee's POV

My eyes opened as I awoke from my deep sleep. I closed my eyes against the harsh lights and curled back into the blanket. I had not slept so well in as long as I could remember. I hadn't needed to go to the bathroom once, or even been haunted by a single nightmare or painful memory. Or had I? I could remember a distant nightmare... A dream that was slowly coming back to me. Carlisle and Jacob had been there... And had sedated me.

Oh no.

I sat up and looked around the room, completely disorientated. The lights were too bright, the shapes and colors mixing together. I rubbed my eyes harshly and then blinked several times, the world finally coming into focus. I jumped when I felt a hand on my arm. I looked over to see Carlisle kneeled next to me, attempting to calm me down. "Shh, it's alright, darling. Be steady, moving too quickly will make you dizzy."

Um... Was I wrong or had this man not just drugged me against my will? I looked at him like he was absolutely insane, which as far as I was concerned, he was. Seeing my look, Carlisle began his questioning. "You were having a panic attack. Has this ever happened before?" A panic attack? Is that what that had been? I thought back and remembered all of the other times I had felt like that, and each time it happened I felt certain that I was dying. I still remember the first time it had happened. I was 6 years old and my foster father had locked me in the closet.

It had been so dark. It had been so hot. It had been so small. And I had been so young. The second the door closed I began banging on it and screaming bloody murder, begging to be let out. 23 hours later, the police had busted down the door to find me, after a neighbor reported hearing a distressed child. I could never play hide and seek after that.

I realized that Carlisle probably wanted an answer to his question. I met his eyes, briefly forgetting all about my rules. Looking down again quickly, I answered with, "no. This is my first panic attack." I was a good liar. So many day to day questions that I lied about constantly. Was I ok, did I like the foster system, when I had last eaten.... So many lies.

But, Carlisle didn't seem convinced. However, he didn't question me further, and I was thankful for it. Instead, he handed me a sheet and said, "I'm going to need you to fill this out before I start your examination." Before he even finish the sentence I was shaking my head. "No, no, no. That's okay. I really don't want this examination anyway, so I'll just be -"

Carlisle interrupted me, something that seemed odd to me because of how polite he always was. "Then you will have to go to the hospital." Great. Esme had told him about our entire conversation. I looked down at the sheet of paper in front of me, staring at it stupidly. He handed me a pen. I grabbed it and positioned it above the paper, but didn't begin to write.

"Renesmee. I need that to be filled out." I looked up at him then looked down quickly, hoping that he hadn't seen the tears burning in my eyes. No such luck. Carlisle got down on one knee in front of me so he was eye level. "You have no need to be ashamed or nervous. This appointment is entirely professional and I'm simply concerned with your safety-"

"Will you fill this out for me?" I asked him, handing him the paper and pen. He frowned and pushed it back into my hand gently, shaking his head. "Renesmee, you are at the age where I can not as your doctor, legally fill out this form." He wasn't just my doctor, though. "Can't you fill this out as my foster father?" I asked, grasping at whatever hopes I had.

Carlisle shook his head and opened his mouth, but before any words came out, I quickly ask, "Can Esme?" Carlisle was staring at me now, obviously confused. "Renesmee, why will you not fill this out yourself? If you don't know all of your background information, that is perfectly fine." I stared at the paper, watching a tear fall on to it. I can do this. I was stupid. I was so, so stupid.