More Than My Own Life (Twilight Fanfiction)

I am

Nobody really understands me. That's because my entire story is pretty unique... and messed up. My entire life is basically a series of screw ups and misfortune.   I should start at the beginning. Or, at least, as close to the beginning as I can go.  I was found in the forest by some hikers when I was about five years old. I was unconscious and brought to the hospital. When I woke up (see pic), I had an IV in my arm and the doctor was talking to a lady with a clip board. He said I had hypothermia, was dehydrated, and had a severe concussion. I was introduced to the lady a few minutes later. She was a social worker... my social worker.So, I was put in to the foster system. I had no known last name. I didn't remember anything about my past before the hospital, so they went by the name engraved in my locket: Renesmee.

For five years I bounced around foster homes, one after another. I never got a permanent placement. Finally, my social worker seemed to give up on me. I was placed in an orphanage, and I never saw my social worker again. I've been here for four years now. I was a very happy child. I loved people... but something about me seemed to compel them to stay away from me.

But, as usual, I was persistent. So, at the young age of ten, I set out to make friends, which only sealed my fate. It became a game to the kids at school. Stay away from the freak. Making me miserable became a competition to them, and four years later, it still is.I am very popular. Everyone is school knows who I am... I wish they didn't. As a result I have many nicknames, which include but are not limited to bitch, slut, whore, Loch Ness, Monster, Freak, and my personal favorite, Nessie. Did you get the sarcasm there?

I have learned some things, going in and out of homes, being abused, neglected, hated. I call them the rules of survival. The things that are required to keep me going, to keep me alive.

1. Never make eye contact. A lot of people think that eye contact is very important. And, while I have gotten my fair share of "Look at me when I talk to you",I've learned that the consequences of making eye contact with a raging drunk man are far more severe.

2. Don't be seen. Pretty simple concept. Not so easy to pull off when people are already determined to make your life a living hell.

3. Take what you can get. I've learned to just be thankful for whatever I can get. Well... no. Not thankful. I'm constantly full of anger. I've just come to accept that this is my reality and it won't change.

4. Don't be hero. It sounds easy, I know. And if I follow my other rules, I can't be a hero. But I've been faced with some hard choices in life. The last time I stood up for what I believed was right, I was locked in my foster father's basement for 3 days.

5. Think about tomorrow. When you have a life as bad as mine, you learn not to dwell on the present. Dreams and hopes are much easier to cope with than the nightmare that is my reality. In fact, this rule is the only reason I have not killed myself yet. And no, I am not suicidal.

6. Don't trust anyone. This one is so important. Trust makes you vulnerable, weak. And I can't afford to be either of those. I've been hurt too much. I've heard plenty of promises and they all sound the same. And in the end, all of these promises prove to be empty. I have no time to waste on false hope.

Those are my rules, my life. I've learned all of my lessons the hard way, because no one was there to hold my hand or help me. And, no one ever will be. I have lost almost all ability to hope... but there is still some... deep down.Because I know that the hope of the future is all that keeps me going. The promise of tomorrow.

I am alone. I am unheard. I am unseen.I am nothing. I am Renesmee. And this is my story.