More Than My Own Life (Twilight Fanfiction)

The Weight Of The World

Bella's POV

Life is always dark. It is been this way ever since Renesmee was lost to us. My baby. My little nudger. After the battle was won against the Volturi, we went in search of Jacob. We followed his scent into Canada and finally found him in the woods. Alone.

I wanted to be angry. I wanted to yell, to scream. But I couldn't. She was gone. My beautiful daughter, who always had a sparkle in her eyes and the bounce in her step. I would never see her again.

We were sure that the remaining members of the volturi had her. We decided that we would storm Volterra. The Volturi were weakened by the battle, so many of their own lost. But, we too had lost many in the fight. While everyone in our immediate family had been... pieced together... The Wolves have lost Paul and Embry, while many of our vampire allies had been burnt the point of no return.

Still, we tried. We attacked Volterra, only to find that they did not have Renesmee. We searched all of Washington for her, and then we search the rest of America. She was nowhere to be found. No trail, no leads, no... Body. Nothing. My innocent little girl had just vanished. Taken from us far too soon.

The entire family was in grieving. Yet, the only person even close to feeling the same pain as Edward and I was jacob. He was just... Empty. He wouldn't eat, he wouldn't sleep, he wouldn't make jokes at Rosalie's expense, he just... Stopped. I couldn't even bring myself to hate him for what had happened. But, he had something in him that none of us had. Hope.

Jacob was sure that Reneesmee was alive. He said he could feel the imprint pull, and so many times we had followed him, as he claimed he could feel where she was. But, no matter where we went, she was never there. Carlisle was convinced that this was an effect on jacob from losing Renesmee. It was a mental problem he couldn't control. But, every time he claimed he felt her nearby, I followed. I had to. And every time I felt the same ache in my chest when the search turned up empty.

I faintly remember a conversation I had with Charlie when I was a human. He told me that if ever I disappeared he would never give up hope that I would be found. I hadn't understood then. How could you give up your whole life looking for someone who might be dead? But now...now I understood all to well. I wasn't giving up my whole life looking for Renesmee, because Renesmee was my whole life. there was nothing without her. As long as there was even a remote chance that my child was alive, I would continue to search. Even though I was sure that I would never see my daughter again.

But then I did.

I will never forget that day. After years of searching, we had finally returned to Washington. Not Forks, of course, because too little time has passed. We just wanted to go home to Washington. the last place my baby had been. Maybe she would be there in spirit, able to see us even if we couldn't see her. So we went to Tacoma, a few hours away from Forks by car. We had decided that at this point, if by some miracle Renesmee was alive, she would somehow find her way back to the Evergreen State, and to us.

As we were signing into the office at Stadium high school, Jacob stiffened. I looked at him in confusion. His eyes were wide, and his chest was moving up and down rapidly. He breathed in deeply then swung his head around to look at the door. My vampire hearing allowed me to hear his heart begin to beat fast, faster than I had ever heard before. I was about to turn towards the door too, but then the office lady yelled something that made me freeze.

"Renesmee!"

I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. I heard wrong. I must have heard wrong. But how? I have perfect hearing and...

"Renesmee!!!"

No. I had definitely heard right. What were the chances? What were the chances that there was another girl in Washington named Renesmee? It was a name that I had created myself. As the office door creaked opened, I was afraid to look. I was afraid to feel that crushing disappointment once again. I closed my eyes as I braced myself for the pain. I took a deep breath in as I got ready to turn around. Then I froze, taking in another breath. And another.