More Than My Own Life (Twilight Fanfiction)

In a Sense

A sob tore through Jacob's chest as the words left my mouth. I said them with certainty, knowing them to be true.

I was his imprint. I was his soul mate. I was his sun.

Jacob sat on the ground beside me and pulled me into his lap. His arms circled me, holding me to him. I could hear his heart pounding from where my head rested against his chest, and his warm skin just barely helped to calm my shaking.

"Yes, Nessie. You're my imprint, baby. I'm sorry honey, I'm so, so sorry. It was my fault. Everything bad thing that has ever happened to you is my fault. One second you were on my back, and the next second you were just gone. I scoured the woods for days, Nessie, weeks, but...but..." Jacob sobbed into my hair, unable to continue.

He didn't have to continue. I knew what happened after that. Little Renesmee would be found by some hikers and taken to the hospital. From there I would be transported from foster home to foster home, and eventually marked as "unwanted" as I was dumped in an orphanage. I would be abused and neglected, forced to face the darkness of the world alone. Unseen. Unheard. Unwanted. Unloved.

But that was wrong. Because Jacob had wanted me. Even if I remembered nothing else from my previous life, I knew for a fact that Jacob's love for me was one of the steadiest forces on the planet. For a long time, Jacob and I just sat there on the forest floor, huddled together and crying.

Finally, Jacob reached up and wiped his face. He looked down at me. "Ready to go home, baby?" I nodded, but made no move to stand. Jake leaned down and plucked me off the ground. I wrapped my arm around his neck as he carried me, letting my head rest just below his chin. 

My whole life I had longed for a home. And as I felt Jacob's arms under me, supporting me, holding me up...I realized that I had found it. The thought brought tears to my eyes again. 

Jacob walked slowly, even though I knew he was capable of sprinting with me in his arms. "Jacob?" I finally asked. He shifted me in his arms so we could make eyes contact. "Hmm?"

I gulped, afraid to ask, but even more afraid not to ask. "Who... I mean where...do I  have any other... family? Where do I come from?" Jake looked uncomfortable. I realized that the answer may not be pretty. "Or are they dead? Maybe I should ask... do I have any living family?"

Jacob cleared his throat. "You're family is alive...in a sense. Maybe this is a question for Carlisle." Shaking my head, I begged, "No, Jake please! I don't want to talk to Carlisle about this. What would he know about my family anyway?" Jake looked at me meaningfully. It took more than a full minute for his implication to sink in. 

"No. No way. Jacob, when you say my family is 'alive in a sense' you don't mean... vampires?" He remained silent but nodded. I had to be sure. I needed to know. "So... Carlisle...?" Another nod. I was shocked into silence. This couldn't be real. This couldn't be happening.

So that made Carlisle what? My Father? My uncle? How could a vampire even have a kid? Suddenly, a name popped into my mind, and pieces began falling into place.

Bella.

She had the same eye color as me. The strange hazel that all of the Cullens had, but both Bella and I had the smallest ring of brown around the very outside of our pupils. It was a distinct color, a unique color. A color that was passed down genetically. 

Jacob had mentioned that she had a daughter. But maybe she hadn't abandoned her daughter. Maybe she had lost her.

Her daughter had spent the first part of her life in a little cottage, filled to the brim with camellias.

My cottage. The one I had been dreaming about since I first woke up in the hospital so many years ago.

I tried in vain to remember anything about my life with the Cullens. A single memory, or kiss, or lullaby. Nothing came to mind. The more I struggled to remember any small detail, the more frustrated I became. It didn't make sense. How could I just forget my entire family? How was it possible that for years I had no idea that there was anybody out there who cared about me? How could they have lived with me for almost a full month now, and never told me who they were? 

My anger had reached its peak by the time the house came into view. I glared at the mansion of a home, furious. This was supposed to be my home. This was supposed to be my life. Yet in a single moment of unfair fate, I had lost all of it. 

"I don't want to talk to them." I pouted, knowing I was being childish. Jake set me on my feet as we reached the front door. He turned the doorknob as I glowered at the ground. This wasn't fair. This wasn't right. This wasn't real. Maybe if I pretended none of this had ever happened it would just go away. "Nessie, you really need to-" Jacob didn't finish his sentence, and looking up I saw Edward standing directly in front of us. 

Edward's face looked like it was made of stone as Jacob mumbled, "She knows." Seething as Edward's eyes fell on me, I pushed Jacob as hard as I could, my anger only growing when he didn't move an inch. "I said I don't want to talk to them!" With speed I didn't know I had, I raced up the stairs and slammed my bedroom door, locking it behind me. Within seconds, people were knocking on my door, several different voices begging me to open it. The voice that stood out the most was Bella's. My biological mother's voice was frantic as she pleaded with me through the heavy oak.

Using all of my strength, I managed to shove the nearest piece of furniture in front of the door. If they wanted in, they would have to break through both the door and the dresser.

I expected myself to be sad. To sob into my pillow for hours, to grieve all that I had lost. But I wasn't sad. I was angry, furious. I didn't even know who I was angry at. Carlisle, for never telling me who I was? Edward, for not only being annoying as hell, but being my father on top of it? Jacob, for telling Edward about my discovery? 

I ripped the feather out of my hair, preparing to throw it on the ground. But as I stared at it, I realized that I couldn't. I couldn't disrespect that beautiful eagle that way, or Jacob. My Jacob. He had called me his little warrior.

I leaned against the wall and slowly slid to the floor. The tears I had been expecting finally arrived, and I clutched the feather close to my chest, needing all of the courage I could get. A warrior. That's what I was. A warrior. Brave and strong and smart. My Jacob had said so.