The Proposal - Jensoo - English Version

14

"Tell me something, Jennie" Jisoo pulled her head away to face Jennie. "You don't have to say nice words to me, but just tell me or do something so I know what to expect."

The brunette tried to find the right words. She could tell her assistant right there in the middle of that restaurant how wonderful she was and how much she cared for her. It was only by saying that that Jisoo would understand that she was also hooked. There were no mysteries in just saying what was the truth that was in your heart.

Jennie opened her mouth, then closed it again. She felt her throat dry, her body trembling and almost on fire because they were so close and her mind said that Jisoo was the right person. Jisoo was the person who knew her best and treated her better than anyone else. Jisoo was the person she admired and always wanted around. Jisoo was the person who had been living in her mind for a long time, but she never wanted to admit it.

It was strange to have such a big feeling veiled inside your chest. The brunette had never been through that, never knew the feeling of loving and being reciprocated. Now she was in love with the blonde, for all the good things she made her feel and for making her feel unique and herself.

It wasn't in three days that she had fallen in love. The feeling was always there, but it ignored all the signs. It was easier not to deal with those feelings. In fact, it was easier just to pretend that she didn't feel it, that she was a bitch and everything else they used to talk about. Sometimes dealing with the truth was just too scary and not everyone was brave enough to face it. And Jennie hadn't been brave enough to face the truth.

Feeling her eyes burning from the urge she was having to cry, the brunette went to the table where she had dinner to get her purse and soon left the restaurant. Mentally, she was cursing herself for hurting someone who didn't deserve it. Jisoo was the first person who saw her even before she showed herself, but maybe now the blonde realized that she really doesn't have anything good to offer, just like she said.

All Jennie knew about love was that she had loved a dog and her parents. Her dog died when she was twelve, her parents four years later. Nothing she loved stayed in her life, everyone left, but they never came back. Because of these traumas, she didn't know how to deal with that feeling, so she never allowed herself to get too attached to someone and then let her go. It was so much easier to let people go before they did.

Her therapist always told her that eventually she would have to deal with these conflicts. But what could she do if all that scared her at the moment? Could she be judged for being traumatized and preferring to remain inside a steel shell where no one entered? No, no one could judge her, because only she knew what she felt. Outsiders might even understand, but understanding wasn't the same as feeling.

When she got to the car, it didn't take long and Jisoo appeared, she had a bag in her hands and her face showed that she was upset. Acting as she always did, the blonde opened the car door for Jennie and then went to the driver's side. As soon as she sat down, Jisoo looked at the bag that was now in her lap and looked at the brunette.

"You didn't have dessert." Jisoo held out the bag for the brunette to take. "Dinner is not dinner without dessert."

If she already felt stupid, Jennie ended up feeling a lot worse. She had clearly hurt the blonde beside her and she still worried about the dessert they hadn't ordered.

The walk to the pier was silent, an uncomfortable silence. Jisoo kept wondering if she had done something wrong during the night for her to end up like this. When she left the house, she only intended to show Jennie that if she wanted to make that lie real, they could. No one would ever know it was a fake. And even married, they could go through all the processes that a couple goes through until they decide to unite their toothbrushes.

For Jisoo there was no rush in anything. The two could just enjoy and get to know each other better as a couple. However, Grandma Kim had been wrong, Jennie didn't respond to her in the same way, she just knew how to pretend very well. This wasn't the first rejection she've taken in my life, but it's by far the one that hurt the most. Jisoo really believed that it would be reciprocated and now she felt frustrated by the expectation created that did not come true. The worst thing about it all was that he couldn't even be mad at Jennie. She wanted to keep doing the same things and stay close to her. Only, right now, being so close hurt her. She would probably wake up tomorrow with a clearer head and get over it, but right now she couldn't help showing how disappointed she was.

During the way home, Jennie was mentally charging herself to give Jisoo an answer. The words came to the tip of her tongue, but it just wouldn't come out. It was torturous to see her sad look and just not be able to do the least to reverse the situation.

As soon as they stepped into the house, Jisoo went to put away the dessert, because Jennie said that she had lost her hunger. The two went to the bedroom and when the door was closed, the blonde took her pajamas going to the bathroom. As soon as she returned, she stopped in the middle of the room letting out a sigh.

"I'm going to sleep in Irene's room," she announced, catching Jennie off guard.

"Jisoo" Jennie approached her "you don't have to do this."

"Right now I need it. It's been awful between us, and I don't like it." She put her hands on her hips. "Don't worry, tomorrow I'll continue acting."

"Jisoo..." the blonde tried to leave, but Jennie stopped in front of her, stopping her.

"Okay, silence is also an answer." Jisoo tried to leave again, but was stopped.

"No. I haven't given any answers yet." Jennie felt her breath hitch. "It's just that..."

"Don't worry," Jisoo interrupted, looking into her eyes. "You are not obliged to correspond with me. I just wanted to be honest with myself and you. I made you a promise to help you and I'll keep it, but today I need to stay away from you" Jisoo moved closer, feeling the urge to kiss Jennie, but took a step back, controlling herself. "I'll be on the fourth side, if you need anything, let me know."

Slowly, wanting to give Jennie the chance to say something, Jisoo went to the bedroom door, when she closed it behind her, she felt a thin pain in the depths of her chest. Really Jennie wasn't obliged to respond, but at least I expected her to say so with all the letters. If she heard a no right away, it would be easier to continue this lie knowing that she would never have a chance. With the question hanging in the air, it only made her heart continue to delude herself that Jennie would snap to reality and tell her she felt the same way.