A New Feeling

☆ Chapter 18 ☆

** Trigger Warning:
Mental breakdown, suicidal thoughts **

~~

Bonnie wishes things were easier. He wishes to be happy. To be blissfully ignorant like the others.

It was one thing having to watch two children be brutally killed by his friends. It was another thing to be partially responsible for it. He could see it. His last vision.

He had lured four children at the party into a room. He took their lives.

He? Was it he or him, the man who created them. He felt responsible regardless. Without him, the owner couldn't have done such a thing.

He had to watch four innocent children be murdered. He could see it with his own two eyes.

He wanted to yell out, he wanted to protect them, he wanted to stop this man...but he couldn't. He had no control.

That same night, he could only recall watching the man forcefully stuff the bodies of the children into his friends. Yet he could not move, could not stop him. The last thing he remembers is the man approaching him to do the same before everything would go black. His mind would go blank. He was not him anymore.

~~

Bonnie, once again, woke up suddenly on a dark stage. He almost panicked until he realized he was not alone this time. To his right, Freddy and Chica were also resting.

He had tried remembering what had happened...why they were coming back again.

Was he...recalled-?

His last memory was so blurry. But then he realized he could remember it through the eyes of... himself. Of Spring Bonnie.

He could remember the four children he had to watch be killed...and that was about it. He could not recall anything after that. He could not see through the perspective of his last body. He could not feel it. It was as if that whole diner was just...erased. he had no more link to himself, aside from his original Spring Bonnie body and his funtime body.

But that could not be his priority. Bonnie had grown an extremely protective instinct for the others now, especially Freddy. Being the only one who remembers everything, he feels the need to look out for them. He did not have the time or luxury to figure himself out. He had to make sure they were ok.

Bonnie quickly shook Freddy's shoulder, causing him to jerk awake suddenly. He looked similar to his previous body except he was shorter and had lighter fur and rosy cheeks. He turned to the bunny in surprise before beaming in joy.

"Oh, Bonnie! Good morning love." He turned to cup the bunny's cheeks in his hands and leave gentle kisses on his forehead. Although still on edge, Bonnie couldn't help but smile and lean into the affection, briefly forgetting the issue. Bonnie placed his own hand over Freddy's and kissed his palm affectionately.

"I...it's...insane this is happening again-" Bonnie laughed nervously. The bear's smile fell and replaced with a look of confusion. He gently took both of Bonnie's hands in his own.

"What's do you mean, 'again'?" Freddy asked innocently. Bonnie froze in his spot.

"T-the...a-after what happened-" Bonnie tried clarifying. Freddy furrowed his brows in confusion.

"What happened...?" He asked genuinely. Bonnie couldn't believe it. He felt his entire body crumbling and growing cold.

He was recalled all over again. Just like before...he would be different now.

"B-Bon-?" Freddy grew concerned at the bunny's silence and shocked expression. He lifted the bunny's hands that were still locked with his. To both their shock, Bonnie pulled away violently, his look of surprise turning into a horrified expression.  Freddy's ears lowered.

"D-did I do something wrong? Bon, are you ok??" Freddy approached again, reaching his hand out to hold the bunny's again. But Bonnie simply backed away, rejecting the affection. His eyes were visibly tearing up, which only confused and worried the bear more.

"Bon, speak to me! What is wrong??" He fretted. The bunny felt weak. He couldn't be here right now...he couldn't believe this.

Bonnie frantically wiped off his eyes before he ran off the stage. He did not know his way around this new location, but it did not matter, as long as he was away.

~~

When Bonnie finally found a small, isolated room, he had ripped the door open and raced through the entrance, slamming it shut behind him. When he was finally alone, he collapsed with his back against the door and slid to the ground roughly, hardly caring for the damage of his plating. Oil was rushing down his eyes rapidly, and he subconsciously grabbed at his ears and pulled on them, as well as forcing them down as an odd fidget when he was in distress. His body jerked and heated up as violent sobs escaped him.

How could he be so stupid?! He knew it was a bad idea, he knew he and Freddy shouldn't have done that! Who knows if this Freddy is even his same partner. What if they changed him again, like Funtime Freddy?!

His mind went back to that feeling of warmth he had felt with Freddy. He remembered when they shared their first truly intimate kiss, that love and connection he had to the bear. That feeling he still had. But now, that bear can be totally different! If the bunny had rejected him, if he did not allow himself to indulge in that, this wouldn't have hurt as much. But this somehow felt worse than the funtime change. He had shared everything with his partner. They were a new type of close, he had bound himself to Freddy. He had shared moments with the bear he could never imagine sharing with someone else. Freddy was imprinted on whatever soul he had now.

Bonnie frantically wiped off more oil, his other arm pulling at his ear still, ignoring the sounds of the ear being damaged and coming off. He was also beginning to grow dangerously hot again.

"How could I be so stupid?! HOW COULD I LET THIS HAPPEN??" He choked out hopelessly. When his mind went back to the children he curled in on himself desperately, his yells turning into muttering.

"I hate this...I h-hate my life!"

"I WANT THIS TO END!" He cried out again. When he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder he jumped, his whole body jerking away in fear only to pause at the sight of who did it.

The white mask...the red ears and cheeks. It was Foxy! In his older body. The fox was staring at him in concern and horror.

"B-Bonnie...?" He asked quietly. Bonnie frantically tried wiping more oil from his eyes to see the fox better. Witnessing him visibly failing and smearing more of it on his face, the fox swiftly gripped his wrists and pulled them away from his face.

"Please, Bonnie! You'll only make it worse!" He fretted, pulling up his small cape to wipe it off more gently.

Bonnie could only sit in silence and try to cool down as the fox gently cleaned off his face and checked for damage. Foxy would never even admit they were friends...he's never had anyone show so much concern for him other than Freddy. When the fox was finished he opened his arms, offering a hug. Bonnie dove into his arms without a second thought, nearly crushing him as he gripped onto the fox tightly.