Forever Trapped

Chapter 18

I'm really clear with my terms when we started this no-strings-attached relationship. Hindi naman na kami bata. He can say yes or no and he can walk out of this arrangement anytime he'd like. No one's stopping him.

Pero hindi naman ako tanga.

I can't completely read what is on his mind pero alam kong iba pa rin ang tingin niya or even the way he treats me. That is why I made my own rules too, just to prevent him from getting the wrong ideas.

We can be seen together in public but I can't be introduced as his girlfriend. We're not dating, I can't be anymore clearer.

No sleepovers. No cuddling. No gifts.

I told him ayaw kong makatanggap na kahit na anong bagay sa kaniya. The boots would be the first and last thing I'd accept from him. So, when he informed me about a gift on my birthday, I had to decline before I can even receive it.

Buti na lang at ipinaliwanag niya na hindi ako ang tatanggap. He will donate a generous amount to the orphanage under my name. Not really necessary but he said he just want to do it. Another one that I'm looking forward to is spending a day there with the kids. No party but we'd order a lot of food and supplies too.

Mamayang gabi, I'll just have a simple dinner with the family. Bukas naman ang pa-party ni Cynthia so it's kind of like a double celebration. But right now, I'm happy to spend the day with the kids. Sister Pam would keep me updated on Facebook sometimes, sending me messages of how the kids are doing pero nakaka-guilty talaga na matagal na akong hindi nakakabisita.

"I know I said no gifts but thank you for insisting on making this happen," I was trying to stop myself from crying. Kaya iniwas ko na lang ang tingin ko sa kaniya. Phoenix stole a glance at me which I saw from his reflection in the car window. "It really means a lot."

I can see his smile in his reflection. I wonder how much he knows about me. I really do.

"Always welcome, Zahara."

Lagi ko namang nae-enjoy ang mga araw na kasama ko ang mga bata but today was different.

I missed the kids so much but I had no idea how much they missed me. Pagdating ko pa lang doon, may isang simpleng cake na at mga cupcakes. There were also food and the kids' smiles were enough gifts for me already.

"Happy birthday to you!" They all sang and I blew the candle.

I didn't want to be the center of attention. I just want to have a meal with all of them but they insisted I do the traditional blowing of the candle. Natawa na lang ako kasi feeling ko, instead of growing old, I am younger.

"Ah, tama nga po pala, Sister. The newborn baby... does she have a name na po?"

"Ah... Si Baby Kit."

Oh, the name was enough to bring a smile to my face already.

"Kitty tawag ng mga bata minsan pero Kit ang binigay na pangalan sa kaniya. Naku! Ang lakas ng uminom ng gatas. Maya-maya, gigising na din iyon para dumede."

We went to one of the rooms where Baby Kit was sleeping. I let the other kids eat while talking about the toys that Phoenix also brought for them. Nako-konsensya nga ako na wala akong dinala. Phoenix insisted he'd take care of everything but I think it would be better if I come back here and bring something too. Matutuwa kaya sila kung ibibili ko sila ng mga school supplies? I do enjoy shopping stationery din.

"Kit," I heard Phoenix say. Parang nakalimutan ko tuloy na kasama ko siya. I was so preoccupied with the kids and taking mental notes sa mga bagay na baka kailanganin nila. "It's a cute name."

It was as if the child sensed our presence. Hindi pa kami nakakapasok ng tuluyan, she already started to cry.

We sanitized our hands first when we entered. Isa sa mga nagbabantay doon, I forgot her name, was preparing a milk for Baby Kit.

I looked at her eyes and weirdly enough, she stopped crying.

"Hi," I whispered. She raised her hand, reaching for something. Hindi ko alam ano pero inabot ko naman ang kamay ko. "Oh my gosh." I can't help but adore her more when she held my hands. "Look how tiny her hand is Phoenix!"

I looked at Phoenix not expecting that he was already looking at me and the baby. He was smiling, a heart-warming smile. "She's beautiful." He said and moved closer to look at Baby Kit too.

Kit smiled at us. She's such a cheerful baby! Parang ngayon lang niya ulit kami nakita after a long time but she's already friendly. She even stopped crying.

"Naku, mukhang gusto kayo ng bata." the lady looked at us while mixing the milk. "Hindi iyakin iyang si Kit pero hindi naman madaling ngumiti."

"She's adorable," I told her.

"Natutuwa siguro sa inyo, Ma'am at Sir. Ang hilig niyo pa po sa bata, bagay na bagay po kayo."

Nginitian ko lang ulit siya and didn't respond to her comment. I continued to let Kit hold my hand before she gets her meal as Phoenix remained standing on the side of the crib, looking at the baby too with his arms crossed and a soft expression.

"You'd make a good mother." Phoenix suddenly blurted out which made the smile on my face vanish.