Forever Trapped

Chapter 21

"Are you sure your okay?"

I nodded but realized Mikee can't see me over the phone. Great, this fever not only made me sick but it makes me stupid too.

"Yeah," And this nose! Bwisit na ilong 'to. I wish I still have the medicine I bought back then. Pero hindi pa ba expired iyon? "I'll just drink some meds and will go to sleep. Maybe I'll feel better after I wake up."

"Okay... Rest ka muna diyan and if anything happens, text me or call me, okay? Wala naman akong ginagawa masyado ngayon. Keep me updated, bitch!"

Sira-ulo talaga ito. Maybe she felt responsible for me because Cynthia has already left. Kaming dalawa na lang ulit.

I made her promise not to tell Cynthia because it's no use making her worry over this. It's just a mild cold and fever. I'm sure I'll be better in the morning. Baka umabot din kay Phoenix. I'm not ready to face him yet. Baka nga kaya ako nagkasakit dahil sa pag-uusap namin.

I looked at the small box on the table, prettily wrapped in lavender with a white lace ribbon. I can't even bring myself to hold it. Nang malaman kong galing iyon kay Phoenix, I accidentally dropped the 'gift'  on the ground. Maybe because I know exactly what's inside.

Someone knocked on the door kaya naman napatayo ako. I only told Mikee and Kath I'm sick. Hindi naman siguro sinabi ni Kath kay Phoenix. I really tried my best na sabihin sa kaniyang may sakit ako but I will be fine as long as I'll rest.

Natakot akong mag-ingay. Baka kasi si Phoenix. He's the only person who comes here at my place. Hindi niya naman siguro ako hihingan ng sagot ngayon?

Maybe I should just pretend I'm not home. Yeah, that would be better.

"Shit." Mahinang bulong ko nang mag ring ang phone. Shit, I hope it wasn't heard outside. Dali-dali kong tiningnan who was calling and sighed in relief when I saw it's Mikee.

"Hello," I whispered. Baka kasi may tao pa sa labas. "Bakit?"

"Are you okay? You don't sound good."

"Okay lang ako. I'm actually about to eat something, or maybe I'll just order-"

"I brought soup!" she screamed and I swear I heard her from the outside too.

What in the world. Talagang kinabahan pa ako! Siya lang naman pala ang nasa labas.

"Why didn't you tell me you were outside!" I said in my normal voice. Baka isipin niya pang hindi talaga ako okay.

"Duh, kanina pa ako kumakatok dito. Muntikan ko nang ipagiba itong door mo. Ugh. Please open the door, babe. Nangangalay na ang kamay ko."

"Akala mo naman ilang sako ang dala," I said after opening the door.

"I'll hug you but you're sick so just take this soup." Bungad din niya sa akin.

This girl, really.

"Thank you," I said after getting the paper bag with takeout. "Luto mo?" I asked even when I know the answer just to get a reaction from Mikee.

"Takot ma-food poison?" We went inside. Buti na lang at hindi gaanong makalat sa loob. I am feeling sick but not sick enough to make a mess. "Woah. This is actually my first time here."

"If I wouldn't be sick, hindi ka siguro pupunta dito."

"Uhm, excuse me. You never invited me. So, that's on you."

I just laughed while opening the soup. Sa sofa na ako umupo. Dito din naman ako kumain kanina. I didn't have to tell Mikee where to seat as she was already making herself comfortable seating on the couch in front of me.

"Okay, fine. It's no one's fault. Everyone's busy." I sighed in defeat and started to eat.

"Did you take meds na ba? I brought some just in case kulang or weakshit yang iniinom mo," she reached for something on the paper bag but her hand stopped right in front of the gift Phoenix sent.

Oh, crap. Di ko pa natago.

"What a beautiful box! Anong laman?"

"Wala, just ordered something online."

"It has a card, oh! Patingin."

I quickly snatched the box before she sees it. Heck, she'd freaking see Phoenix's name. "Fine. It's from a suitor." I said honestly but as discreet as possible. I stayed quiet while waiting for her reaction.

Hindi ko pa talaga nabubuksan. It's scary. I feel like I have to decide before I open it or maybe I should just decide to return it to Phoenix without even opening the box. Ah, whatever. I shouldn't be thinking about that for now. Matatagalan talaga ang paggaling ko kung iisipin ko ito lalo.

"Really?" She sounded amazed. Para namang ano ito. I did have a few suitors back then. Kung maka react naman, parang never pa akong nagkaroon ng manliligaw. "I'm really curious. Can we open that now?"

"No..." My hold on the box became tighter but even in my own voice, I can hear the hesitation. I've been looking at it for a long time today. Wondering what's inside. It's literally a box, a Figueroa's box. I can't help but compare it to Pandora's box.

Paano na lang kung bubuksan ko ito and then all sorts of horrible things would happen?

I have a plan and what if I can't follow it?

"This is new... You are hesitating." Mikee eyed me suspiciously kaya naman bigla akong na-conscious. Patuloy ko lang kinakain ang dala niya, trying to focus on regaining strength and healing which is really ironic given this situation. "You're always sure and now you are hesitating."

"I've decided. I'm rejecting him." Agad na sagot ko. Hearing her say I'm hesitating makes me want to stick to my plan more but again, the certainty wasn't evident in my voice.

Kinuha ko ang maliit na box na ngayon ay nasa tabi ko na. I'm really curious. Phoenix is seriously not healthy for me-for my plans. He's ruining everything. I wanted to run away pero imbes na tumakbo palayo, what I did was instead run towards him.

It pisses me off that he's always there. That even when I thought he was gone, when he comes back, he's still consistent. He still looks at me the same way, he still talks the way he does. It's irritating how much I like him.

"Sure ka na diyan?"

I can never accept it. I shouldn't. It's not the life I planned for myself. I wanted to nod but instead, my stare lingered on his gift.

"I won't tell you to accept it or not but how about... for now, don't say no to this guy muna," she said. "Because Zahara, it's really obvious you want to say yes."

Hindi pa ata sapat na may sakit ako at nadagdagan pa ng stress ang utak ko thinking about what Mikee said.

Do I really want to say yes? It's too sudden and he's too much. Plus, there would always be that constant worry of not being able to have a child.

Oh for the love of Mother Nature, hindi ko nga boyfriend iyong tao and here I am, worrying about not having kids with him. It's really too much.

I can't even trust him. He said he's okay but now that we have not seen each other for days, I'm sure he has given it enough thought already. Maybe he wouldn't want me anymore. Maybe he'd want his gift back.

Pero wala pa naman kasi siyang sinasabi. In my head, I need to make him a bad guy. I need him to play the role of the hypothetical man I had in mind for years, someone who would tell me he couldn't stay with me anymore. But he didn't.

In fact, hindi pa nga niya ako kino-contact.

It was so stupid, I know. Just like me deciding to kiss him that night, to message him that Christmas, to continue with our arrangement. It's really foolish but I grabbed my phone and searched for his number.

It's ringing and I had several rings to think and back out but I stayed on the line.

"Zahara?"

"Phoenix... I'm about to do something really, really stupid."