Forever Trapped

Chapter 26

I didn't know it would be this complicated and hard. After several tests, hindi lang ako kundi kasali din si Phoenix. I didn't want to say it but I felt sorry that he had to undergo this process because of me but he's always quick to assure me that there's nothing I should be sorry for.

I'm really thankful. Marami pa pala akong hindi alam sa kaniya and the more I get to know the man I married, the more I know I chose and was chosen by the right man.

"First shot today?"

I nodded, trying not to flinch at the sight of the syringe of the follicle-stimulating hormone I have to inject into my tummy area every day starting today. This is for producing multiple eggs. Kaya ko ito. Kakayanin.

I took a deep breath. I was scared to see it but I was even more scared to close my eyes and make a mistake. Besides, I need to look at it to make sure I've taken the prescribed dose.

"You want me to do it?"

Takot ako but I think Phoenix would be even more scared to do it. I can't help but laugh a little. Okay, this is good. Medyo nawawala na ang kaba ko. I gave him one kiss, just to make myself really feel that I'm not alone in this.

"I think I'd do a better job than you."

Okay, here I go.

"You're getting better at this."

"Hindi na nga ako nasasaktan."

"I remember the first time you had your injection."

"Shush na nga!" Inunahan ko na siya but he continued laughing while squeezing me tightly with his arms.

I remember crying after removing the needle. I was surprised with my reaction too. I was pretending na matapang ako and I can handle it but it was really terrifying holding the syringe I'll inject into myself. I even have to keep it there for a while. I felt like I was stabbing myself! Pero nung tinanggal ko na, I was relieved. I was just glad that it was over. At least, for that day that I just walked towards Phoenix while crying. Glad that I didn't kill myself. Quite OA siguro but it really felt like that the first time for me.

"It's okay, wifey. I wish I could do more but these days, I think that you don't need me anymore."

"Grabe, hindi naman." I returned his embrace and we stayed like that while standing. "I need your sperm nga."

"Oh, wow."

"Joke lang."

"I know," Ginulo niya ang buhok ko which I just combed! I glared at him kaya lumayo ako sa kaniya while fixing my hair. Agad naman siyang sumunod sa akin and tried to comb my hair too pero feeling ko ay mas ginulo niya lang but I let him. "I know you could never leave me."

"Don't be too confident, Mr. Figueroa."

Oh, he's right. I don't think I can ever leave him after everything we've been through. Sandali pa lang kaming nagkasama but I think we've been through a lot. And I'm also looking forward to our future together.

"Even if you try, I won't let you, Mrs. Figueroa."

"Okay ka lang?"

"I'm great." It seems like Mikee doesn't believe me but I am. "It's just that I'm really nervous."

I decided to sleep over at her condo. Isang linggo kasing mawawala si Phoenix. He's supposed to come home this weekend and our place felt empty without him. I think this was the first time that we were separating for that long after we got married kaya din siguro nagda-drama ako. So instead of spending the night in boredom or whatever, I just decided to spend some quality time with Mikee.

"Are you cheating on your husband?"

My jaw fell a little in awe and amazement with the first thing that came to her mind when I said I was nervous. She's really crazy.

"Please tell me you're not serious."

"If you're in love with someone else, okay... kunwari! As a friend, I need to remind you of how much you love your husband. I know you love him and that you two are meant for each other so please don't get nervous and stay married!"

"Mikee, hindi ka ba lasing?" I think this girl drank some alcohol bago ako dumating. Mukhang may tama, eh. "Let me say why I'm nervous first." I breathed deeply, getting ready. "I'm supposed to take the pregnancy test today, okay? But Phoenix won't be home for a while and I don't think... I don't know what to do. I'm really nervous. Paano kung buntis ako? Paano kung hindi? What if this whole trying thing will fail?"

"Did you bring one?"

"Ano?"

"PT."

I stared at my bag. Oh, that. "I did. I bought three kanina but I don't think I can do it."

"Do you want to wait for Phoenix? Mga limang araw pa iyon."

Phoenix said I can do it even without him. Muntik na nga siyang hindi tumuloy sa conference na dadaluhan niya because of this but I don't want him to. Us trying to conceive didn't slow me down with my work. Sa totoo nga, I think I was more inspired. I just had to keep in mind that I need to take care of myself and stay healthy. I want the same thing for him too. I heard from his family that the conference was an annual event where they can meet with other people in the business and meet potential investors.

"I need to do it before he goes home." But I'm not sure if I can do it today. I'm just... It has been a lot already. The preparation and everything. Alam kong it's just the first cycle and even with science, it would still be a miracle if I get pregnant during our first try. "But I'm really nervous."

"Then, do it now. It could be negative or positive but it's not the end yet. Mas importante iyon."

My hands were trembling while we waited for the results. I texted Phoenix to let him know that I'll be taking the test today. Kahit siguro wala ako dito, I'd still do it. Kinakabahan ako pero hindi din ako mapakali. I was hoping that it would turn out positive. It would be a miracle but God, please let it be positive.

I want this. We want this. Why would we be denied a wanted child? I promise we'll take care of the baby. It wouldn't matter if it would turn out to be a he or a she. I'll love my child unconditionally. He or she will meet the Kuyas and Ates at the orphanage.

Phoenix has already been thinking of names. We sounded too excited but sometimes, when we share a meal together, we'd discuss the possibilities. He'd always joke that if the baby's a boy, he should be a Phoenix Jr. It's nice that he's excited but there won't be two Phoenix in our family. I'll make sure that will never happen.

Isa-isang tumulo ang mga luha sa mata ko.

"It's negative."