Forever Trapped

Chapter 5

My week went great, thankfully.

Hanggang ngayon ay binabangungot pa rin ako dahil sa mga tukso ni Cynthia. Phoenix is supposed to be my sweet dream but now, I can still hear his name even when no one's saying it. It's so fucking annoying.

I smiled then shrugged all these thoughts away, and gave the cashier my card. Baka akalain pa ay masungit ako. I can be but I'm not a bitch na sinusungitan kahit di kilala.

I hope this is enough for Christmas.

"Ate Ivy!" Kolas ran towards me. Mukhang galing pa nga sa laro kasama ng ibang pata.

"Hala, you're already sweaty, Kolas. Bihis ka muna sa loob, baka sipunin ka niyan."

"Bless po muna." The kid said and reached for my hand para magmano. 

He just chuckled at tumakbo ulit palayo. Parang naging announcer pa na dumating na daw ako.

I waved to another group of kids na nagmano din sa akin.

"Wow, doughnut!" I laughed at one of the kids' reaction sa dala ko. "Ang saya talaga pag dumadalaw ka dito, Ate! Na-miss ka po namin!"

"Ate, na-miss niya lang po iyong doughnut."

"Hindi ba pwede pareho!"

Nakakatuwa talagang pagmasdan ang mga batang nakikipag-away over little things. Parang naalala ko din tuloy nung kami ng kapatid ko ang nag-aaway over stupid reasons. It's my fault most of the time. Seeing him get pissed was quite the fun.

I just patted the kid's head and let him bring two boxes of doughnuts while I bring the rest.

"Hello po, Sister." I greeted Sister Pam, the one who is in charge of the orphanage I often visit.

Napangiti siya sa akin. "Talagang tinatanong ng mga bata kailan ka raw babalik. Alam kasi nilang malapit na ang pasko."

"Their Christmas gifts are in my car nga po pala. I brought some groceries too."

I love kids and it breaks my heart knowing that there are kids out there who don't have anyone who'll take care of them, who are hurt, who need shelter.

In my own little ways, I'm glad I could help. Kapag nakikita ko ang mga ngiti ng mga bata, it's all good.

"Baka ma-delay lang po yung sa next month, ha. Sorry po." I've been consistently giving donations to this orphanage for three years already.

I just turned 18 when I started giving donations. Hindi naman gaanong malaki. I just know that I have more than enough for myself and it is my way of giving back.

I know I often shop and I have a lot of to buys on my list but material things are not everything. I used to buy and buy. The sadder I felt, the more shop I visited and the more things I bought. Sa huli, ang lungkot pa rin pala.

I felt like the world revolved around me and my sadness and emptiness... but I was so wrong. The kids think I help them but the truth was, they served as the QBlight in my darkest times. They still do and I will be eternally thankful.

"Ano ka ba, iha. Okay lang. Walang problema. Basta, kung gusto mong may kausap o kahit makipaglaro lang sa mga bata, pumunta ka lang dito. Malaki-laki din ang naitulong mo sa amin at talagang nagpapasalamat kami sa iyo."

Sandali pa kaming nag-usap ni Sister habang naglalakad-lakad. She pointed out a few renovations tulad ng bubong na hindi na nagkakaproblema pag umuulan. I listened intently to her updates. 

I went back quickly to the car to grab the gifts and quietly placed them under their Christmas tree. It was way shorter than what we had at home but this one made me feel the Christmas presence more. Nakikita ko kasi ang efforts ng mga bata sa pagdecorate.1

I asked about their supplies, kung ano pa ba ang kulang at kailangan dito. I also asked about the kids who will soon be adopted. Nakakalungkot minsan to think that they'd stay away. Okay lang. It's comforting to know they are just transferring to a new home. 

Nasabi din ni Sister Pam na may bagong baby daw na iniwan nung nakaraang linggo sa may pintuan and she asked me if I wanted to see the newborn. I immediately nodded.

We went to the nursery. It was so quiet. Hindi siguro iyakin ang bata. A smile was immediately pasted on my face when I saw that the baby is already awake.

"Hi there." Nag-sanitize naman ako bago ako pumasok dito so I let myself touch the little munchkin's cheek but before I could even touch her, she already reached out for mqy finger. "Aren't you the cutest baby in the world?"

It breaks my heart knowing that she's just left here but I could never hate the kid's parents. I don't know their story but I always choose to believe that those who leave their baby to be taken care of by the orphanage have their reasons... whatever that may be.

Nag-usap lang kami ni Sister tungkol sa magaganap na Christmas party. Maybe I'll just go here for Christmas instead. It's just that nobody knows about my business here. This is just really something that I would rather keep to myself. No particular reasons.

"Andito pala si Sir Phoenix. Buti na lang, nagkatagpo na din kayo sa wakas."

My eyes were pinned on Phoenix who is playing with the kids. When Sister Pam spoke, he looked in our direction.

I know this isn't the place to curse. Not even in my head but what the actual fuck?

I blinked a couple of times, silently hoping that what I'm seeing is only in my imagination. I'd really hate it also if that happens but I'd deal with that later.

What the fuck is Phoenix Figueroa doing here?

"Isa iyong orphanage na napili ng kompanya nila para suportahan. Bago pa lang naman, wala pang isang taon. Pero nitong nakaraan lang siyang unang bumisita." Sister Pam explained to me while we walked closer to him.

He smiled at Sister Pam and then at me. He didn't even have the slightest hint of surprise when he saw my face.

I'm really weirded out by this. I've been hearing his name more than I want to tapos ngayon, nakikita ko na din siya?

"Good morning Sister Pam," he greeted then looked at me. "Nice seeing you here again, Zahara."