Forever Trapped

Chapter 11

"You need this job, Zahara."

"You want this."

"You fucking got this."

Para akong baliw na kinakausap ang sarili ko sa salamin.

I had trouble sleeping last night. I woke up earlier than usual. I even had trouble choosing what to wear and now, I don't even know whether I should just let my hair fall down or tie it in a ponytail.

I don't want to admit but I know it's because of Phoenix. I haven't even heard from him since our last conversation- which is for the best- pero parang bumabalik ako sa pagka teen-ager.

"Ugh!" I got so frustrated that I just pulled my hair tie at ginulo ang buhok ko.

I hate myself. I thought repeatedly as I tied my hair in a neat bun.

Apparently, I was panicking over nothing. I just met a lot of the other people at work. I honestly thought there were only like... five of us but apparently, there are ten! I have not even memorized their names yet except for the head seamstress na napaka-seryoso. Mimi just calls her Madam, in a fun way, parang matagal na silang magkasama. I call her Miss Hilaria because I feel like she's looking at me so seriously I could pee in my pants.

I was told I'd speak with Miss Kat pero halos matapos na ang araw ay hindi pa din siya lumalabas sa office niya. Other people didn't seem to mind. I wanted to look busy kahit wala namang pinapagawa sa akin but I was told that it's the calm before the storm.

Rio, one of the designers there even joked that the storm would start once Miss Kat comes out from her office slash personal studio. I didn't believe it but the longer she stayed, the more I think it was true.

"Pasok ka muna," Mimi told me. "Uwi na ako, ha. Pwede ka na din umuwi after mo makausap si Kathea." She told me.

I nodded and I could almost immediately hear my own heartbeat. Napatitig ako sa pinto na hindi ko pa nakikitang bumubukas kanina pa. I really want to make a good- great impression, if possible.

I knocked at the door but heard nothing.

"Pasok ka lang. Baka hindi ka marinig. May pagka-bungol iyon." Mimi said before waving goodbye. Wow, they really seem close since she can joke things like that.

I was stunned when I was inside. It's... chaos but the beautiful kind. What caught my eyes the moment I stepped inside was the mood board with lots of pictures. I didn't stare dahil baka hindi ko na maalis ang tingin ko dun but it looked like a bunch of fantasy pictures, like fairies or something. Katabi nun, may isang mesa na may iba't ibang fabrics. She's seating at a table, sketching- or is she just staring? Her hand's not moving kasi.

"Good evening, Miss."

I'm usually confident but I had trouble speaking loud enough for her to hear. Good thing she looked in my direction agad.

"Hi," she smiled and closed her sketchbook. "I'm sorry I didn't notice you coming in. I just- well, there's a lot in my mind right now." She looked around her office na para bang ngayon lang niya ang kalat. "Like as if it doesn't show with the mess."

I always thought that she would be serious and strict but she actually sounds really sweet. She's still young too. I think she's still in her late 20s but it's amazing how much she's accomplished already.

"Don't think too much. I just want a little chit-chat before we won't have the time to do so."

There are only a few people that I'm intimidated by and she's definitely one of those. I shyly sat at the seat facing her. Her table is longer than the usual desk type. Hindi pang isahan lang. I think four would fit here kasi may dalawa pang bakanteng upuan.

"I- I can't thank you enough, Miss Kat, for accepting me. I know you weren't hiring but I just tried my luck." I told her. I sent her a copy of my designs through email. I didn't really know the process then but I just want to hear some feedback from her. Me, being accepted here is actually the best-case scenario.

"Nah," she again smiled at me. "You make it sound like I'm the best, though I try. My brand is still new. So, let's just learn together here. I can't say 'no pressure'  though because the pressure is always on. Let's just... let's just make sure we tell the story we want to tell through our clothes. Oh, that's cheesy."

I just nodded and smiled a little. Wow, she's talkative.

"Wait lang," she looked at her phone for a moment and typed something.

I grabbed the chance to scan my eyes around the room. Especially at the mood board. I felt like I'm being teased for the next collection. It looks so mystical. May iba't ibang sceneries and there are also sketches of fairies and some mystical creature.

It's great that I'm talking to Miss Kat but I want to move closer there and see all those. My excitement just grew with the thought of it. I really can't fuck this up. I'm already excited to work here.

"The theme for the next collection is Philippine Mythology." My attention went back to her. "We'll have the meeting tomorrow but I'll let you know that for now. Maybe give you a day headstart to research for inspiration."

She didn't say much about it so I also didn't ask. I just tried to look as much as I can, saving it in my memory. She mentioned we can leave the studio together. I feel like I'm receiving special treatment or maybe she's just really kind to everyone.

"I sometimes sleep here but I need to go home tonight," she said while making sure the door is locked.

"You must love working a lot."

"It's really stressful and tiring and I love being stressed and tired. We'll have loads of fun during this fashion week, I assure you."

A gray Porsche car stopped in front of us. Mukhang andito na ata ang sundo niya. I had to call Grab pa dahil pinapa-ayos ko pa ang sasakyan ko.

"Bye, Miss Kath."

She laughed, "You can just call me Kathea or Kath. I really don't mind."

"Okay, Kath." It was kind of awkward but I tried to make it sound as natural as possible. "Looking forward to tomorrow's meeting."

"Yeah. Me too- oh, wow."

Sinundan ko din ang tingin niya. I feel like I'm sinking, na para bang nanlambot ang tinatapakan ko and I'm just eaten whole by the ground when I saw Phoenix Figueroa come outside from the driver's seat.

I haven't seen him for a while and yet... he still looks the same. Ah, not really. He's wearing his business suit which I've never seen him wear before. His dark eyes looked at Kath for a second then at me. He didn't look surprised. Oh, kanina pa pala naka-park ang sasakyan diyan. Does that mean kanina niya pa ako nakita?

"Special appearance from the CEO."

"Stop calling me that," he told Kath but still looking at me.

"Fine! Investor. Whatever. We don't like labels here, anyway." Napalunok ako sa sinabing iyon ni Kathea. I knew this may happen. That I might see Phoenix again here but I'm still surprised. Even with all that mental preparations. "He helps me manage the business he funded. It's not really a secret. He's basically our boss."

"You're sharing too much again Kathea," he warned her. Pinagtaasan lang siya ng kilay ni Kath at nakipag-sukatan ng tingin. I felt like an unwanted third wheel.

Kind of knew Phoenix would find his match one day. They look good together now that I can see them side by side. I just hope this wouldn't be awkward.

"Oh, how rude of me to forget. By the way Phoenix, this is-"

"Good to see you again, Zahara Ivy."

I was panicking and at the same time wondering why my name sounds so good when he says it.