Forever Trapped

Chapter 9

"What happened?"

New year, new life. I've finalized that nothing in my life should change except my wardrobe. As per the latest year's tradition, I need to buy a new pair of shoes for this year. Hmmm... what should I give myself as a gift?

"I'm usually not nosy, but I'm really... really curious right now, Zahara."

Should I be getting a new pair of sneakers or heels? I'm wondering which I should prioritize this year. Maybe I'll just go with comfort. I think these white sneakers would be an excellent investment. I can pair it with anything.

These black boots, though. Ugh, something to die for.

"Phoen-"

"Don't say that name," I said again. I noticed I was holding the boots. Whatever, I guess I'll just choose this. It's twice the price of the sneaker, but I want to buy some shoes- or boots, apparently, and leave this store peacefully with the hope of not hearing his name.

New year, old me. I made that clear. Walang magbabago and my no dating rule still stands. I think I've made that clear enough.

"This looks good, noh?" I showed him the boots. "But I think I'll just get this one."

I picked the sneakers. This one's more practical. I can use this anywhere and anytime in the Philippines. Okay. That's it. I'll buy this one.

Tinawag namin si Mikee na nasa may clothing section. Cynthia didn't bother me while I paid for the shoes I bought, but she also did not say anything. I smiled at her as I waited for her to finish paying for her purchased items. Mukhang may plano pa ata siyang palitan ang buong wardrobe niya dahil sa dami ng binili niya. "Nice taste, Cynthia." I just said, and she smiled at me, but I could still see the questions in her eyes.

Not today, not ever. That chapter of my life is over.

"Babes, I need to go already. I would like to make some excuse, but I'm just really tired from the trip. I promise I'd make it up to you next time."

"It's okay. See you, Mikee!" I said habang nakipag-beso siya sa amin.

Maybe I'll go home na din. I would like to enjoy Cynthia's company too pero alam kong may gusto siyang itanong at alam niyang ayaw ko naman siyang sagutin. The day would just be ruined if we pretend I'm not sharing her anything.

"I think I should go home too."

"Zahara, if you want to share anything or just say something, you know you can always count on me, right? My ears are always ready to listen to you."

She sounded so worried that I felt bad. Wala naman akong ginagawang mali. I'm just... being myself. I still believe I don't owe anyone any explanation pero ayaw ko din namang may mag-alala dahil sa akin.

I sighed before I gave him another smile, "Just this one time."

"What did he tell you?"

I didn't want to hear his name. Maybe I'm overreacting again. I've accepted that he really has this effect on me pero hindi naman siguro ibig sabihin that I am obliged to entertain whatever feelings I have for him.

Cynthia just shrugged. We decided to just go to my home. Total, ay bukas pa ang dating nila Mommy. She'd be like my year-end guest.

"I was worried last time because Phoenix sounded worried too. He told me naman you're fine, but I don't know. Are you fine?"

"I'm fine," I assured her. I'm excellent. Phoenix has not been sending me any messages or whatever. I'm sure he has better plans to flirt with me. "Why wouldn't I be?"

I'm in my last semester. I may not be the brightest kid in school pero may plano naman akong magtapos na hindi distracted. I have plans on leaving the house too, living on my own, and maybe ranting about bills every now and then. I am busy too and I can live without dating anyone. If I'd like to lip-lock with someone, I can just drive somewhere farther than before.

"Zahara, I'd completely understand if you'd drive Phoenix away. In fact, I can help you with that. That's easy for me, alam mo naman. But as your friend, I'd love to tell you also that if you like him, I don't think there's anything wrong with... you know, let yourself like him?"

"Not part of my plans."

"Oh, c'mon, Zahara. Of course, you can."

"I don't want to," I seriously told her. I'm happy with who I am. I don't want to be in anybody's life and vice versa. I'd be more at peace when I'm alone. I have plans, and I know I can do it without anyone. I don't need anyone. "You know exactly why, Cynthia."

"Zahara!"

"Yes?"

"Someone left this for you."

Inabot ni Mommy sa akin ang isang paper bag. I tried to check who it was from but I didn't see any name. "Kanino to galing, Mom?"

"It was just delivered, someone from the store, I think. They said it's a gift for you."

"From who?" I asked again because she's still not giving me a name. All my friends have already given me their gifts. Hindi naman ako Miss Friendly at the school. It's not like I know someone who would just- oh...

"It's from a Figueroa. That's just what they said. Cynthia's a Figueroa, right?"

I only know two Figueroa's...

I dialed Cynthia's number. We were planning to video call pero I need to ask her who is this from. Siya naman ang kasama kong mamili ng sapatos. Most probably, this is from her, but I want to be sure.

"Hey," bati niya sa kabilang linya.

"Do you have two gifts for me?"

"What? No- oh... You got the boots?"

She knows about it. Napahinga naman ako ng maluwag. Well, that would be a way better explanation.

"That's actually from Phoenix, Zahara. Don't worry. It's just a gift. He just asked me what you would like, and I told him I saw you looking at some boots the other day. Did he choose the one you wanted? Wow. What sorcery do we have there?"

I massaged my temples. I thought I was safe there for a second.

"Cynthia..." I said in all seriousness. Eto na ang huling araw ngayong taon and I'm really serious about my plans and goals. "Please tell Phoenix thank you. I'd take this as a goodbye gift."