Forever Trapped

Chapter 7

I'm bored.

The holiday tradition has always been dinner with the family. We're not that close and Christmas is not actually as fun as how I would like it to be pero ngayon, this is just on a whole new level of boredom.

Binawi ni Mom iyong sinabi niyang hindi niya ako bibigyan ng allowance and that I should go with them in Europe but I already said no. Maybe it's pride or maybe I just don't want to see Kuya Zander's fiance... could be both. Wala lang talaga ako sa mood makipag-pekean ngayon.

Going there would also mean meeting that random guy they want me to meet. Para saan pa ang pangingibang bayan ko para makahanap ng lalake? I'm just really avoiding anyone who's in the same circle with my parents or someone they'd know. Masyadong masakit sa ulo.

I was supposed to go to the orphanage but going there... I feel like I'd ask more about Phoenix. He's been bugging me lately and he's not even trying. Napapatingin na lang ako sa notification that he's now following me. Really really tempted to click his profile but it feels like a pandora's box. I know better than fucking Pandora. I can keep the box closed even when the curiosity is torture already.

Bwisit naman kasi ang lalakeng iyon. If he didn't send me a message that says 'Merry Christmas, Zahara. If you're feeling bored or lonely or if you just want some company, I'm just a message away.' ay hindi naman sasakit ang ulo ko ng ganito.

What does that message even mean? That he's always up for a booty call or... booty message?

I could probably use one right now but Phoenix- just not that guy.

Gusto kong matawa sa food deliveries na nasa mesa ko. I'm not even hungry at kaunti lang din ang nakain ko kanina. Spending Christmas alone is sad already, kung wala pang pagkain sa mesa, that would just make it sadder.

I sat there with a glass of wine in my hand trying so hard not to sigh.

Palagi naman akong nag-iisa sa bahay but tonight is a different kind of lonely. Baka dahil sa pasko. Maybe it's the thought that almost everyone is happy and if they're not, at least they have someone.

I cringed at my own thoughts. Iba talaga ang nagagawa ng pasko. I'm usually not this sentimental but I feel like I'm so close to calling anyone just to find someone who's willing to have dinner with me.

Ugh, this is so annoying.

"Merry fucking Christmas bitches!" Cynthia screamed while holding a glass of wine. I bet her blushing face she's drunk already.

Buti na lang at tumawag itong babaeng ito. Seriously. I was really about to go somewhere far, not sure where but far from here.

"Shit, ang ginaw." Mikee said also. She's wearing winter clothes and her lips are shaking. "Merry Christmas Sisters!"

"Ugh, why aren't you drunk? It's unfair that I'm the only one here with a spinning vision!"

"If I can boil the wine, put it in a cup, and be tipsy tomorrow, then sure. But this Christmas, I can't believe I'm just asking for a cup of hot choco."

"May kamay ka naman, Mikee. Go make yourself some or maybe order." Mikee flashed her middle finger, probably because of my comment but I just laughed at her. "Or find some hot guys there and find some heat. That could work too."

"Giniginaw ako dito, Zahara and you're suggestion involves getting naked. So, anong point natin dito?"

"Just suggesting," I said and she showed her middle finger ulit. This woman really. Paskong-pasko pero pamamakyu ang ginagawa.

We talked about our holidays or more as they talked and I listened. Buti naman at hindi sila nagtanong because I'm not sure if I have an answer, other than walk around naked.