// michael //
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"every day is a nightmare, over and over again, replayed in my head."
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the pain has gotten anything but better, honestly. I've convinced myself that if I keep hurting myself, the pain will go away for the short amount of time it takes so slide a blade across my wrist. and it's better to have no pain for a short time than to have pain continuously.
"mornin' mum." I say tiredly, running my hands through my messy hair, making sure the sleeves of my sweater stay over my wrists at all times.
she doesn't reply, but she does slide and envelope over to me with a wide smile across her face.
"what's this?" I ask her, opening it without question.
"just a little something." she smirks, biting her lip.
once I open it, I see some sort of passport.
"oh my god mum! are you serious!" I yell in rejoice.
"yes!!" she says hopping up and down.
"I'm going to New York. I'm going to New York. I'm gonna get my girl back." I say to myself in shock.
"you leave next week!!" she says in rejoice.
"oh shit." I say to myself.
"what?" she says, losing her excitement.
"I don't have anywhere to stay, any money." I stop myself.
I remember my best friend in year 10 moved to New York with his family because of his dad's job. Luke was who it was. him and I were tighter than a fat man in tights, and if you don't know, that's pretty tight.
"luke." I mumble to myself before I jolt up the stairs just to dial his number which I hope it still was.
"Mike! it's been a long time mate!" he chirps through the phone.
"sure has," i start. "so is there any chance you're still in New York?"
"been here since year 10. what ya need?" he asks me, his personality really showing through.
"well I kind of fucked up with my girl and she ran away there.." I start.
"and you need me because..." he answers.
"well I don't have anywhere to stay." I sigh.
"look michael, I have my cousin and his girlfriend here along with calum and ashton. I can see if there's any room in my flat but I highly doubt it. I'll call you back as soon as I find out." he says, disappointment coming through me.
"alright. that's fine. talk to you later." I say before I hang up.
I still can't believe that I'm going after her and it's actually happening. I'm going to see her again and I'll do whatever it takes to get her back to me.
once I have my suitcase out from the attic, I begin stuffing as much clothes as I can in it because I don't even know how long I'll even be there. shirt after shirt, jeans after jeans, only a few pairs of shorts before my phone begins to ring, the call saying its luke.
"hey." I say into the phone.
" okay, so we have a couch in the living room if you want to take that." he says in a rushed tone.
"that'll be great. thanks luke." I say gratefully.
"anytime man, can't wait to see you. it's been ages." he laughs through the phone.
"I know, I'll be there in a weeks time." I tell him.
"okay. well I'll see you then."
"bye." I say before I hang up and collapse onto my bed in relief.
I have a place to stay, I have my money that I've saved up, I have a ticket to see her. I have everything I need for my trip.
"good news mum," I say once I reach the downstairs. "I'm staying with luke."
"luke meaning luke hemmings?" she says, clearly confused.
"yes. apparently he still lives there and has his own place." I say.
"well that's great honey, I'm glad you're happier then you've been." she smiles genuinely.
"don't know what I'd do without ya." I say before I swiftly kiss her cheek. "thank you for everything."
"I know how happy she made you and I know she's right for you. even though I should be scolding you right now for hurting her, I'm just trying to make this a good moment." she says, "you never ever should hurt a girl. it hurts more than you think, son."
"believe me, I know how bad it hurts. she's been gone, like two weeks now? only two weeks?" I say in disbelief. "it feels like it's been an eternity."
"yeah I feel ya. with your dad all out and about all the time, I never get to see him." she says, shuffling through a home designer magazine. I really don't know what to say right now, so I leave and go to the bathroom to clean up my scars on my left wrist.
the bandages are almost the same I left them besides a little bit of blood showing through, but it's better than it was. the bleeding lines are now scabbed, meaning they're healing. but I know they'll leave scars based on how deep they were.
I don't know why I did this to myself. I don't know why I ever slid that knife over my pale skin in the first place. I was so sad and angry at myself for doing this to her and nothing was running through my mind besides hatred towards myself and only myself because I'm the only one to blame for this. if I hadn't have hurt her, she would still be here with me. she wouldn't be across the world avoiding everything she left behind.
and I wouldn't have to leave everything behind just for her, but hey, it's all worth it.
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