// amethyst //
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"I'm constantly stuck on whether I should move on or keep holding on."
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today was spent with one sentence, and only one sentence.
"I like this one!"
"no, I like that one!"
"no, this one's better!"
"Michael," I groan, massaging my forehead. "this is hard."
"I know, babe." he pats my thigh, his eyes back to traveling the Internet for a flat just for us. "I promise, we'll find one."
"you said that hours ago." I whine, resting my head on his shoulder.
"I feel like we're close." he tries to raise the mood by grasping my small hand in his large ones.
"let's look at this one." he intensely looks to the screen with a quick click on it.
"suburbs? no." I immediately say, him exiting from it and onto the next one below it.
"holy shit that's expensive." my eyes look at it, it being completely perfect, but out of our price range. "but perfect."
"yeah, I know." he clicks off of the beautiful flat while we look at several more. he bites the inside of his cheek, obviously deep in thought. "go rest, babe."
"I wanna help." I whine once again, sticking my lower lip out.
"you and I both know you're about done with this." he raises his eyebrows at me, my cheeks heating up from how well he knows me.
"true." I stand up, exiting the room. "this shit is for old people."
the only sound I hear is his laughter which is music to my ears, him being happy.
my hand massages my forehead as I walk up the many stairs. it being almost 12am, I wonder if maisie is awake still.
"mais?"
"yeah?"
"I just wanted to see if you were awake." I smile through the darkness.
"yeah, I am." she chuckles, me resting on the bed besides her.
"tell me why you're up at midnight without you having your phone on." I lay on my back with my hands entwined in front of me.
"just, late night thoughts, I guess." her once joyful mood changes into a sorrowful one, me giving her sympathy even though I know she doesn't want it.
"I know it's hard mais." I sigh, thinking back to the time I had to live such a life. "I know, even though you probably don't think I do. one day, I promise you, wether it be soon, or in five years, there will be a boy that comes into your life and stitches all of you broken pieces together."
"I sure hope it's soon." her voice chokes. "because I can't live like this anymore. I can't pretend to be happy in front of everybody and be dying inside. it hurts so much."
by now, she's sobbing, and the only way I could possibly think to comfort her is crouch down onto her small air mattress, the both of us squished on there.
"it's okay, mais. let it all out." I run my hand through her rooted lilac hair. her body breathes rapidly and her body shakes. her tears stain my long sleeve sweater I've been wearing since this morning, but I don't mind.
"I-I'm so sorry for being like this." she sniffles, wiping her eyes whilst sitting up straight. "it just hurts, ya know?"
"I do." I nod at her. "you're still the strongest girl I've ever met."
"and you're still the strongest one I've ever met." I can tell she's smiling through the darkness by her tone, making me smile too.
"you better get to sleep, mais." I crawl off of her air mattress and into my own bed I haven't slept in in months. "I know for sure I am."
