// amethyst //
-
"you used to wipe my tears, now you cause them."
-
he didn't even bother to chase after me, bet then again I didn't expect him to either. I didn't expect him to chase after me and confess his love for me because that's not how anything works in this world. all that I was able to do on the walk home was cry.
cry about the feelings that I have towards him that won't leave no matter how hard I try. cry about how I rejected him when all I want right now is for him to hold me tight. I just cry about everything that's happened in the past two months and how much it's effected me in the end.
I avoid the stares as I walk on the crowded streets of New York back to the salon which is probably closed at this hour. shuffling my key to get inside, my body begins to shake rapidly. try after try, I can't get the key in the hole with my body shaking like this. the tears I didn't know I still had well in my eyes as I try for the last time. I crouch onto the ground as loud sobs escape my mouth and tears fall and fall down my cheeks.
why does he make me feel this way? why do I still care after what he's put me through? why? why can't I just move on like everyone else does? why is the story different for me?
I huff out a big breath of air before I wipe my sticky cheeks and stand up to try getting in once more. my body stops shaking and I finally get it into the hole, a sigh of relief washing over me. before my eyes, I'm on the floor again sobbing and crying, all because he had to come and get me when all I wanted was to get away from everybody. to move on and live my own life without distractions to hurt me or pull me away. I wanted to start over. to begin a new chapter in my life and find someone new to fall in love with or find actual friends which I didn't have at home. I wanted a new beginning and I can't have one if he's here, holding me back from going into the new beginning.
I'm broken from my thoughts when I hear the stairs creaking from a few feet away from me.
"Ames?" I hear the voice whisper.
I just sit there with my knees tugged to my chest and my head buried in them. nobody deserves to see me in this state. Weak.
"Ames, what happened?" Val asks me, leading me up the stairs into my bedroom. she sits beside me behind me bed before I finally answer.
"I saw him."
"and?"
"it obviously didn't go well." Is all I say.
"c'mon, tell me what happened." she says, placing her hand on top of mine.
"I heard my name being called when I was smoking and it turned out to be him who called me. I didn't know what to do so I ran away from him before he stopped me. he grabbed my arm and that's when I broke. his touch was so gentle and kind and the sparky things rushed between us and I new something was still there. something was still between us and I've tried so hard to push it away. I've tried to hold back my feelings for him and I can't. no matter how hard I try." my voice cracks somewhere inbetween.
"maybe it was trying to show you something." she says sincerely.
"like what?" I ask her.
"like maybe you and him weren't meant to be over." she answers, biting her lip.
"i-I don't know." I stutter, running her last few words through my head.
most of me wants to give him another chance to make up for what he did. but yet the other part of me wants nothing to do with him or that he shouldn't have messed up in the first place.
"I don't know what I want." I say, running my hands through my hair.
"I still love him but it hurts."
"well maybe you could hear him out?" she asks.
"are you even on my side?" I ask her.
"I am I swear. but maybe this isn't all it's cut out to be." she shrugs.
"well I already pushed him away so there isn't anything I can do." I sigh.
"um yeah there is." she almost yells.
"no, there isn't." I defend myself.
she grabs my phone without permission, scrolling through all of the blocked numbers. mum, dad, home, until finally i see his name.
she looks at me as if asking if it's okay, which I nod in reply.
she taps her chipped white nails on the screen, his contact not being blocked anymore.
"now," she says to me like I'm five. "you text him."
I hesitate at first, but I grab my phone before typing a simple
-hi
like every girl feels when I text their crush, my stomach churns when I click the send button.
"what if he doesn't answer?" I ask her, biting my nails nervously.
"watch." is all she says as her eyes and mine travel to the lit screen, showing the replying bubble before his message appears on the screen.
- hi :-)
he always did that smiley face when we were in the awkward stage in our relationship. like every couple is when they first start dating. somehow, I feel like I'm right back at the beginning.
my cheeks blush and a small smile crosses my face before I look up at her again. she has a wide toothless smile on her face, as if saying 'I told you so'.
"what do I say now?" I ask her, as if asking your best friend when you were twelve.
"whatever you want." she simply says.
"I don't know what to say." an embarrassed chuckle escaping my lips.
before I could type a reply, another message from him comes up.
-can we talk?
I let out a nervous sigh before typing in reply.
- about?
"what's wrong?" Val interrupts my thoughts.
"he just asked if we can talk." I say shakily. she doesn't have time to reply before another text from him comes
to my screen.
- tomorrow? maybe 11?
"he wants to talk tomorrow." I groan.
"and why wouldn't you?" she asks me.
"I have to work." I say emotionless.
"well I could let you on your break early?" she asks in a form of a question.
"but I usually go with Drew to lunch during break." I whine.
"you choose." she shrugs.
I type in my phone quickly
-where?
he takes a few minutes to reply before he answers
-café angry or something?
I laugh to myself quietly, he got the name totally wrong.
-it's café grumpy idiot
"why you laughing?" Val asks me with a smirk.
"he's stupid." I smile at the screen with my cheeks hot.
- you're using my nickname now??
- no you're just an idiot
- you're mean :-(
-yep that's me :)))
-I'll see you tomorrow. meet me at 11.
-k
-whoa you just ked me
-yep I did bye idiot
-see ya loser
"love birds." Val groans and leaves the room.
••••••••••
LONG CHAPTER YAYAYAAY
so even though I'm waiting until 450, it won't get anymore reads so I'll just update at 447 lol
