// Michael //
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"it's a lot easier to be angry at someone than to admit that you're hurt."
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"where the hell is luke? he told us he'd be back before we got on the plane?" Ashton spoke with his phone pressed to his ear. we've tried calling luke about thirty times all together, he hasn't answered a single one.
"he might be on a plane right now?" I said as a form of a question. the last time we talked to him, he said that he was getting on a plane first thing in the morning, but I don't think Ashton or calum understood that he's probably on a plane this very second.
"he probably is." calum shrugs, his hands buried in his pockets.
the plane ride here was very, very long. Ashton slept through most of it, and calum and I talked for the majority of it. I pull out the piece of paper that was folded in my pocket and think back to the moment calum helped me release all of my thoughts and my emotions.
he told me that writing songs help all of your bottled up feelings. when we were in high school, luke and i had a little group where we would mostly cover songs and rock out, and sometimes we would even write songs. to, as calum said, release all of our feelings. when luke left, so did the little group we had. at first him and I would talk over the phone all of the time, but as we both grew more and more busy, we kind of drifted apart.
my hands unfold the paper carefully, kind of like its a rare gem of mine. which it actually was, I must say that back in year ten, I wrote shitty songs, but this one, this one was god compared to all of the other ones I've written. this song was written because of her, and everything that's happened between us. all that I've felt, and all that we've been through. I scan over my super messy handwriting, thinking about how the lyrics came to be.
"everybody's got their demons
either wide awake or dreaming
I'm the one who ends up leaving
make it okay. "
I had to leave, I had to. I had to leave her, so she could be happy, and okay. so she can move on and be without me. and so I can move on and be without her, to be happy. to be just like I was when I was with her, when there were no worries and just happiness and love.
"see a war I wanna fight it
see a match I wanna strike it
every fire I've ignited
faded to grey."
I just think about the time when I saw drew flirting with her, and how much I wanted to get him away from her, but i couldn't. it wouldn't make it any better, or change how he felt towards her if I did.
"but now that I'm broken
and now that you know it
caught up in a moment
can you see inside?"
this brings me back to the time I blamed everything on myself. when I believed that I was the reason for her leaving, when I believed I was the problem. I was broken, and the guilt rushed through me every minute of every day.
"cause I've got a jet black heart
and there's a hurricane underneath it
trying to keep us apart."
there's always something, that tries to keep us from being together. there was always someone trying to keep us apart, to keep us from falling again.
"I write with a poison pen
but these chemicals moving between us
are the reason to start again."
I always ruin things between us, whether it's my wrong doing or not, I'm always the one messing things up, or I'm always the 'reason'. but no matter what, I'm willing to try again, even after all that's happened.
"now I'm holding on for dear life
there's no way that we could rewind
maybe there's nothing after midnight
that could make you stay."
